A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I was seeing an attached guy for almost 4 years and I recently broke it off because I realized that I wanted more and I started getting jealous of his home life. First of I just want to say I never wanted to be the other woman in the first place, I met him at my old job and i was under the impression that he's single. Then he tells me that he is separated but they still live together and they are just trying to find ways to split without effecting their 2 children. We started seeing each but over time it became clear that he wasn't leaving. I tried breaking it off few times but every time he contacts me telling me he misses and things would go back to how they wereHe only saw each other for an hour or 2 when he is break at work. I tried to make weekends plans but there was an excuse one after one another. He wouldn't even see me after work. If we meet before his shift ends he would rash home 30 minutes after sex. We would hook up in my car, his office or secluded public places close to his work. I even tried to get him to book a day off at work since he books time off sometimes and stay at home..so he can come to my place since i live alone but there was always an excuse. It seems like he didn't want be with me for too long and only wanted to meet in the middle of work hours like his break since he can't be away for too long.I would be the only one driving to his work so we can meet. There were times when we would meet right after his shift and he has to walk to his car, he would refuse to walk together since it was open with people. He would insist we walk separately.I started desiring more depth in a relationship -someone to love, someone to spend real time with and Someone I can enjoy social events with etc. I started feeling blues and deprived so i broke it off for good and he pretty much said he can't give me what i want and deserve so I'm making the right decision. I want to block his number but part of me is have bit of hope that if his relationship falls apart for reasons that has nothing to do with me, he might come back to me and we will actually have real relationship.I know he has no intention of leaving but hypothetically speaking, if he were to become single would he be interested in spending real time with me since he would be free to do so? Or do you think he just sees me as booty call even if he were single?
View related questions:
at work, booty call, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2020): You would be rebound girl...Do not do it...let someone else be the rebound then you become the lasting relationship later.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2020): You ever been in a chat room sweetie? Craigslist? It is full of men like him looking for a woman who will meet them just for sex. You could replace him in the blink of an eye. You should go and look and see what I mean, it is a real eye opener as to the way some men think and behave and what they expect of women.I had to go into some for research for one of my books. It is a very unpleasant experience. Craigslist had to close down their personal section because a man had met a woman from their ads and "disappeared". The police have now listed this as an unsolved murder.Some of these guys are naive too. They go onto sites looking for free instant sex meets and get all surprised when the women who meet charge! Wow. Of course they do. Why would any wise woman meet such a man and sleep with him for free? Some of them nag the women to chat to them on phone to get them off and I remember one guy saying something to me like"you can get me off, but if you are already lined up to get dozens of others off how long do I have to wait for my turn???" He was talking to me as if I were some sort of sex chat worker! Yet one who does not charge. How convenient. What sort of woman would sit there all day on her computer giving me free sex work?I promise you that if you have an urge to be used and abused and taken advantage of this is the place to go.You are very young. But you could get guys of your age, middle aged, even eighty nagging you to meet.Some will tell you that they like you - some go on and on about their fantasies assuming you will toss them off online whenever they get the urge... all for free of course.You do know I suppose that some men ring sex chat lines at $1 a minute to "get off" and would love the chance to meet a young, sexy woman for real thing for free. They would think all of their birthdays have come at once.Unfortunately, there are so many adverts all of the place featuring women who are supposedly gorgeous and horny longing for men that some men believe all this. They think that some women are horny sluts who cannot get enough and they are doing them a favour if they go with them. They are not being logical about it because horny women who want more can easily charge for it.If these guys only want casual sex they see it like this. Do I go to a woman who sells me sex, who goes with lots of men or do I find a woman who gives it to me for free and only me? Of course he prefers the latter, but it is still just sex.You seem to forget that some men see these things differently to women. Women tend to think of things like love and relationships, friendship, dating, trust and honestly. Some men,like this one, only think of you as a hole to put it in and use to orgasm. Not a person.He would not care if you were ill in hospital or lonely at Christmas, but he would care if you were too busy to service him when he feels randy.Men like this never make good partners. The best that could happen is that his real partner dumps him and he makes use of your hole until someone else takes her place. Even then he would not be in love with her or care about her, just using her. This man does not respect women, does not care about them, he only cares about himself.I suspect he has done this before and you are one of a long line of people he has done it to or tried to do it too.Have more self respect.If you allow a man to have sex with you easily, whenever he wants, without dating, without getting to know each other first, while he is in a relationship, of course he will think you are easy and just there to be used. You may complain and ask him about him leaving his partner etc but your actions say you are ripe for the picking.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2020): When I was your age - a very long time ago - I knew at least ten different older married men who tried to get me into a similar arrangement with them. What you had with this guy was not an affair or relationship, affairs and relationships can be sleazy and sordid and leave the woman wanting more, but they consist of more than just quick sex. This is more like a guy fancying a quickie and realising that you will give it to him. To be honest I cannot see how it was any different - for him - than hiring a prostitute for an hour or two - only where instead of paying and giving you a lot of money he told you lies and gave you excuses. He never even wanted to go anywhere nice with you or spend time with you at your place or spend a proper amount of time with you. That is not an affair or a relationship of any sort.
Some men buy vibrating vaginas for when they fancy it! This guy did not have to bother to buy one, he would just click his fingers and get the real thing for an hour or two. But that is all it was to him.
He would find it very difficult to replace you because he took so much and gave so little. Usually when a guy is married or living with someone and wants a woman for that arrangement he buys her expensive gifts, pays her bills,
takes her to really nice places, because he knows that plenty of other men would also like a sexual arrangement that is cheaper than paying a prostitute properly each time. But this guy was cheap and dishonest, he tried to get away with doing none of that. And it worked for quite a while.
You still do not see him for what he is. You still think of him as a normal and nice man. What is normal about using women to save money? What is normal about lying to women? What is normal about living in a dead relationship but pretending it is alive?
Even if this guy was totally single he is scum. His attitude towards you is so selfish he does not deserve one moment of your time.
I must say that you are incredibly naive. Most women of your age have had at least a few of these characters try this on with them - I had had plenty by the time I was sixteen - usually they are wiser and less trusting.
This is the sort of guy who looks upon people as things - things to use. He probably uses his wife to be a babysitter, cleaner, housewife, cook, companion.
You say you have known this guy for a long time - but you do not know him at all. You just know what it is like to have sex with him. Please wise up. When guys want sex, especially married or spoken for guys, they tend to lie to get what they want. They hate the idea of paying a prostitute, it dents their ego, they also usually cannot afford it.
I can remember when I was sixteen a very old man said he wanted to take me to Spain to stay at his villa with him.
Now bear in mind I was sixteen and he was at least sixty. Urgh. He also left out that he was married. He was also exceedingly fat and ugly. But what got me was that he talked about it as if it would have been a free holiday.
What this really means is he has loads of great sex very very cheap. If he had paid a professional to go on "holiday" with him and give him sex and company for two weeks it would have cost him a fortune and he would have had a real struggle to get someone as young as me.
I used to know a teacher who was fed up with her job.
She became disillusioned with it because the children did not really listen at class and the pay was poor.
One day she went to a bar, a high class bar, got chatted up and accepted an offer to go to the guy's room with him for a certain amount of money - it was more than she would earn for a whole week of teaching kids.
He was attractive and pleasant and she enjoyed the whole thing. She went back and did this again and again.
It was not long before she gave up being a teacher and earned far more doing what you have been doing for free.
Wise up.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2020): If he were to suddenly become single, it is unlikely he would continue a relationship with you.
He'd be gloriously single, and free of all ties and bondage! Guys who cheat on their wives are untrustworthy. Why wouldn't he cheat on you, if he did leave her for you? You fell for that lame excuse he gave? It is so cliche, that it's an insult to the intelligence!
He hasn't left his wife; because he's happy having an affair on the side. You don't mean that much to him; if you can't convince him to leave her after four long years of sneaking around. Like that didn't give you a hint and a clue.
Everything you describe in such detail is the definition and confirmation of a man having no intention of ever leaving his wife. He just wants another vagina he can enjoy when he's bored with the one he's married to. If you read DC, haven't you noticed the story is always the same?
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 August 2020):
 If it's been 4 years and nothing has happened, why would it?
Why do you set your own sight so low? Another woman's man?
Not only that but he has KIDS too! Even if he DID leave his wife for you, HE would still want to spend time with these kids, he would still be RESPONSIBLE financially and otherwise for these kids! And those kids DESERVE to have a dad around.
Set your sights WAY higher, on someone who is single and WANTS to be with you. Not just USE you.
Lastly, could you ever REALLY trust him if YOU were dating him? After all he CHEATED with you, which means... he can cheat ON you with someone else down the line. Is that really what you'd want?
I totally agree with Cindy, your young age means HE really took advantage of your ignorance and inexperience with relationships and that just shows what kind of man he is, and that is NOT a good one.
Want MORE from a partner for yourself.
And remember, don't judge a person solely of what they SAY but what they do. If they actions match their words or not.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2020): He told you what you needed to hear to let him get you into bed. Simple. He lied to you, he used you, it happens all the time But usually when the woman puts two and two together and figures this out she ends it and does not still have hopes.
Let us suppose that his relationship goes wrong and he is free. What us is it to you anyway? He is still a user and a liar who only thinks about his own wants and needs and does not are about being fair or nice to other people?
The odds are that it would be her that ends it - not him - and he would never tell you the truth - you would be getting her cast offs. And he would still be looking for someone younger or sexier, maybe to have quick sex with when he can get away from you.
If I were in your situation I would hate him now, for the years and months he robbed me of, not hoping that he does it again.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (11 August 2020):
 I think that this guy never had any intention of leaving his wife for you, so yes you were his booty call as you put it.
You are very young, why would you want to waste your time on someone who is never going to become available, this is absurd.
Not only is this guy unavailable, he is also a liar, and a cheat. He made vows to his wife at the alter, vows that part it says to remain faithful. He has broken this vow with you.
If for what ever reason he did become single, what makes you think that he would be off sleeping with the next young woman that comes along.
Yes you are making the right decision, the next right decision will be to now block him and move on with your life.
You said you want someone to love, someone to spend real time with, someone you can enjoy social events with. There are plenty of young free single guys out there how are not liars and cheats, and are not married. Just delete contact with this guy, move on with your life, and find what you want.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 August 2020):
 That's an idle question because , as you say yourself, this guy has no intention of leaving his wife; if he is not free- he is not free by his own choice and his own volition, nobody is holding him at gunpoint. So, if he is not leaving, how would be become single ? ...She leaves him, runs away with another man ? She dies prematurely ?... Well, all is possible in this world, but what he'd do in such sad eveniences is very unpredictable . Probably, he'd be so shocked , in finding himself suddenly a widower , or suddenly a deserted husband, that sex and romance would be the very last thing in his mind for a long time, - probably, and hopefully, he'd concentrate on being a good dad and spending all his free time with his kids to help them cope with the sudden changes in their life..
Anyway, if I have to throw around a guess, I'd say no, you were, are and would be a booty call. Actually, so far you'd fit the dictionary definition of a booty call ! In four years if he had wanted, I am not saying :to get to know you better or get to spend time with you because obviously that was not in his plans to begin with, but, just to spend every now and then a really wild, passionate night witgh you, at least have sex in cozy, safe, convenient surroundings... it would have happened, he would have made it happen ! Sure, having a lice in partner waiting for him at home with teh kids must have cramped his style- but cheaters can get pretty inventive and resourceful when they are motivated enough. they come up qith all sorts of excuses and cover - ups, overtine at work,... funerals..
"colleagues-only" events... anything. Considering you have your own place, how difficult could have been in almost 4 years to carve out an evening, or just a couple of hours all for you to enjoy yourselves in peace and privacy ?!!
That he never got around to do this little effort, speaks volumes.
I could not help noticing your age , 18/21 , so that means that you were very young when you took up with this guy. It may even mean that you were 14, which is downright appalling, and a crime in most countries; I hope it means you were 17 at least, which is still way to early to be a married , or anyway, taken man, sidepiece, but it is slightly less terrible. Anyway, such a young age explains and excuses in part your errors of judgement, and your having let yourself get entangled in such a sleazy, unhappy situation with a cad like this. But apparently in time you have matured and started reasoning and sort of learned your lesson- and eventually you found in yourself the strength to break free from such an humiliating arrangement. Keep it this way, and don't waste a second of your time wondering "what could have been ". What could have been, with such a pig ?? At most, you could have made sausages !!
...............................
|
