A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm going to try not to be biased...I've been speaking to this man once or twice a month online for the last 18months. We planned to meet up a few times but have both flaked on eachother many times. In the past he said he's single because he wouldn't be a good boyfriend - hes too busy - he sends me pics from the office at 9pm and over the weekend frequently and there was a 6 month period where he only worked, ate and slept basically. Over the last month we've met up three times. 1. Bike riding and lunch and drinks. 2. He cooked me a lovely meal and we went to his apartment pool/jacuzzi - he begged me to stay for breakfast I didn't stay. 3. We were supposed to go for mini golf but were both too busy on the day but I ended up near his house later that day so I went up to say hi and we cuddled and watched a movie. Since we first met in person we talk everyday. He's tried to have sex with me but we haven't done anything sexual yet. The other day he said "its just sex and we're friends" Since then my mind has been all over the place. I do see him as a friend but I also like him.Next time I see him do I ask if we are friend friends or is he tryna fck or...(with the pause implying are we more than friends) because I'm happy spending time with him as a friend because he's cool, and I'm equally happy just going with the flow and letting things progress. I just want to know does he see me as a type of girl he can date (in the future or now) or am I just the girl he's pursuing for sex at the moment. Should I even ask? All advice is welcome :)
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (12 May 2019):
 If someone from the off states ‘I would be a bad BF’ that’s a red flag that they’re not looking for serious. He’s coming up with excuses before it’s even begun.
3 dates in 1.5 years? I met my GF more times I one week when we were dating lol
If you like this guy then you’re wasting your time, the likely scenario is he wants FWB. He’s basically spellled it out for you already.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2019): He just wants an occasional date and sex. Not a relationship. Seems simple to me.
He did the obligatory dating thing; but he realizes you're trying to connect as a couple. He told you that's not what he wants.
I don't think you'd make good friends. You'll keep trying to make him your boyfriend; and he'll keep trying to get sex without commitment.
Why bother if you're not on the same page?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 May 2019):
 Honestly?
Neither of you seem to REALLY want to take - I mean if all you two have managed is 3 "sorta" dates in 18 months I have to say that I don't think he is LOOKING to date you. Sure, he might want to have sex because... why not?
But he isn't looking for a GF.
When he said :"its just sex and we're friends" - that just show that ALL he wants is something casual and sex would be OK AS long as you still keep it to being friends.
So IF you are looking for a serious relationship... He isn't it.
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