A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 3 years and I have just had a huge fight and I don't know if I overreacted a bit. Basically, we ended up talking about the law and it became clear we have totally different opinions about it (in a nutshell, I do as I am told and he doesn't see why he should follow any laws he doesn't agree with). It ended up being quite an intense discussion because of our differing viewpoints, but I thought I was resolved in a 'agree to disagree' type of way. However, when we got back to his house he wasn't speaking to me/was giving me one word answers. I asked him what was wrong and he said he thought it was ridiculous that I blew the discussion way out of proportion and made an argument out of it. I told him I thought we were just debating our points a bit, and I certainly didn't think it was an argument, but he told me I had 'went mental' and I needed to 'get a grip'. I am usually a very laid back person so I get that maybe he's not used to me being so opinionated, but I didn't think he had the right to speak to me that way and shoot down my right to have an opinion, so I told him I was leaving. He told me to do what I want and that he didn't care if I left - so I did. I would never normally leave on an argument so I don't really know what to do now. I was really upset afterwards and spoke to my housemates who think he reacted like this because I stood up for myself and opinions for once (it is true I struggle a bit with assertiveness). At the time I felt he wasn't respecting me or the fact I have an opinion too, and that he was acting childish by stopping talking to me over it, but now I'm not sure if I should have stayed and tried to sort things out? We don't argue often but when we do I am always the one that tries to sort it out. My housemates say I should stand my ground and let him come to me, but I don't know if because I left I should be the one to make the first move. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (12 January 2013):
 I see a huge red flag with a man who says "i will break any law I don't agree with"
not wearing seat belts breaks the law, that's one thing. as basically that harms only the law breaker (although injuries incurred by not wearing a seat belt may cost tax payers money in health care, police, ambulance etc)
smoking pot... yeah that's one of those laws that really doesn't hurt anyone else.
under age drinking... again more on the user than the population.
but what if he thinks it's ok to
steal
rape
beat YOU?
and yeah I know your statement will be "but he's NOT like that"
his fundamental core belief is "every man for himself"
and he showed this when he refused to hear your POV which is opposed to his.
if he can't take confrontation with the person he is supposedly closest too, well then I'm not sure what you expect?
I mean if this was the first time you stood up to him, what do you think will happen as you continue to assert yourself and he can't take it?
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (12 January 2013):
 The way he was behaving I think are some red flags. I understand debating WHY laws exist, but claiming you will break laws you don't like, THAT'S mental. You were not crazy, so don't let him convince you that you are.
You were assertive for once and he punished you for it. It sounds like he is the kind of guy who wants everything to be about him and his way. Laws need to be changed to fit his ideas, you need to submit to his ideas and thoughts, when you argue you're always the one to take the fall, I'm guessing you've dodged a bullet with this one.
Arguing even passionately, that's not a reason to end a relationship. I've gotten into some very heated debates about political things with my boyfriend that end in shouting, same with my friends. But what you were arguing about, wasn't really a political debate, it was about why he doesn't need to follow the law. That's not a different opinion, that is blatant narcissism. Needing you to always apologize? Narcissism. Getting livid with you when you disagree? Narcissism. On it's own no, an argument usually isn't a good reason to break up. But I think what happened were some red flags about how he really is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2013): Hi I am the OP. I want to clear up the fact that our relationship is not over at the moment. I meant I left his house and went home, not that I had left him. Thanks!
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