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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: My girlfriend is desperate to have a baby and I'm scared she'll leave me if I can't give her one. I'm 22 and she's 24, we've been together for 5 years and I love her to bits. We've been trying to conceive for nearly 2 years. People have said we're far too young but we love each other and I can't imagine being with anyone else. Plus I've got a full-time job so money would not be an issue.The problem is she's had 2 miscarriages. The doctors have said they won't see if she's unable to carry a baby or if there's something wrong with my sperm until she has another miscarriage, as those are their stupid guidelines. My girlfriend's thought it over in her head and thinks we should try again; if she loses it again then at least the doctors will look into it. I'm convinced it's a problem with me though because my uncle and cousin both had issues trying to conceive in the past. Their sperm apparently had abnormal chromosones. My girlfriend knows about this but for some reason she doesn't talk that much about it, she just keeps saying 'we'll have to see what happens'. I'm petrified this means she'll leave me if it turns out I have abnormal chromosones.I know she loves me too but I think she loves babies more. I'd say she's obsessed. She's always buying parenting magazines and offering to look after her friends' children. She's even planned everything we would need from prams to baby monitors. Don't get me wrong I'd love to start a family with her too, whether it be now or in 10 years but the only difference is the thought of not being able to have kids wouldn't deter me from still being with her. Would she really leave me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2011): Um I'm a little bit confused. If she is having miscarrages then obviously she is getting pregnant which means that it's not your sperm that is the issue? Does that not make sense?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2011): Honey there are sooo many ways to help concieve. And there is always the option of a serrogate or adoption. My fiance and I have been blessed to have two baby boys in 2 years. We want to adopt a girl and I have seriously considered becoming a serrogate to help couples that cant birth babies on their own.I truely dont think your gf would leave you. There is more to raising a family than there is to being able to concieve on your own. I hope this helps. I strongly suggest to look into other options to concieve as well as waiting a few months to try again as miscarrages are very hard on her body.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (25 July 2011):
 Wow. Not going to test until a third miscarriage? Really? That seems so harsh to the expectant Mom. I knew one Mom who lost three babies at 9 months; and she was a basket case. The health system has a s*** load to answer for if they think three miscarriages is not a real tough thing to live through.
You and she are in this together. She needs more from you than just sperm or possible chromosome problems; she needs your communication about Alllllll these issues, your ear, your heart, your constant support. If you love her, you need to be at her side for all this.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (25 July 2011):
Wow. Not going to test until a third miscarriage? Really? That seems so harsh to the expectant Mom. I knew one Mom who lost three babies at 9 months; and she was a basket case. The health system has a s*** load to answer for if they think three miscarriages is not a real tough thing to live through.
You and she are in this together. She needs more from you than just sperm or possible chromosome problems; she needs your communication about Alllllll these issues, your ear, your heart, your constant support. If you love her, you need to be at her side for all this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2011): there's no reason that you and her can't have a family together even if you can't conceive a kid. You can adopt. or she can use sperm donors.
now if it's that important to her to have a child that's biologically related to her (or if you have a hang up about her using a sperm donor and having a child that's not biologically related to you) and if that is stronger than her love for you and vice versa, then I would say this relationship isn't meant to be.
(I don't understand people who would throw away a good relationship with a good partner, for an unknown i.e. baby when there's other options to have both).
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