A
male
age
,
*pples08
writes:Hi everyone, newbie here. I have feelings for a woman I work with but the problem is she's engaged to someone else. She has told me she is not going to marry him (he knows this) and I think she has feelings for me too. There's a lot of chemistry between us which colleagues of ours have also said is obvious. We have arranged to meet up next week but my dilemma is do I tell her how I feel or not? The people we work with say I should tell her so at least I will know whether it's mutual of not. What do you guys think?I was thinking of telling her I'm mad about someone who I can't have and have felt this way for a long time. If she asks me who it is (she would) I could tell her it Our friends say she won't won't finish with her fella unless she knows how I feel. Would a woman want to know how a man feels?
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male
reader, Apples08 +, writes (9 September 2010):
Apples08 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionA quick update for everyone.
We met up for a coffee & a chat earlier this week, just the two of us. We chatted about lots of different things and got on really well, as we usually do. I was looking for the right moment to tell her how I feel about her when she asked me if I had been on any dates with anyone (I'm single by the way). I told her I hadn't but there is someone I really like though I can't tell her so because she is with someone. As expected she wanted to know if it was anyone she knows. I said it was but can't say. After a little persuasion, I said it was her. I told her how I feel and also how long I have felt this way. I also said I can't bring myself to get involved with anyone else in case we had a chance. She was over the moon! She told me she has had feelings for me for a long time also and was pleased I'd told her.
I did not ask her to finish with the guy she's engaged to, I simply said if her situation should ever change, I'm here for her. She told me again that she loves her guy but more as brother, not a lover.
She obviously needs time to mull things over. I won't pressure her. I guess some of you will think I was wrong to tell her but as I've said before, I'd have more regrets if I had said nothing. Time will tell I guess.
A
female
reader, charliesdevil73  +, writes (8 September 2010):
 In response to your follow up, ask yourself this question...is the grass always greener on the other side? You should know this answer, it's "no". Unfortunately, sometimes the answers we feel we cannot live without are the ones that hurt us the most. Another question to consider. Is knowing the answer worth the risk of losing the friendship? In this case, I hope your answer is "no". Good luck with whatever you chose to do.
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A
male
reader, Apples08 +, writes (2 September 2010):
Apples08 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all of you who have taken the time to reply, it's much appreciated.
I should have said this all started over a year ago when a colleague passed her my phone number. I heard nothing for months so simply assumed she wasn't interested and I then heard she was engaged so I did nothing. We was then at a mutual friends party which happened to be a few days before my birthday. We got on really really well and on the day of my birthday she sent me a message. She had kept my number all that time! If she wasn't interested surely she would have thrown it away? The lady in question has said numerous times since about meeting for a coffee as we live local to each other.
My dilemma is do I tell her how I feel? I feel bad for her guy but I'm thinking that I'd have more regrets if I DON'T say anything! I'm also aware that I may have got it all wrong and she just wants to be friends but at least I'll know for sure.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010):
I think it depends on how close you are with her.
It is quite common for two people to become close when working together everyday, and when chemistry starts to mingle in with it, the feelings can become very intense, it makes going to work exciting (usually for both parties) and also becomes obvious to others who work around you and see it (you think they can't but oh yes they can!).
If you don't know for sure how she is feeling, your own feelings will spiral out of control into those of frustration and longing.
You say you have arranged to meet up next week. Is this just a meeting in private for the two of you? Are others going as well?
If she has arranged to meet you on your own, then it is clear that she desires your sole company for a reason, even if only for a chance to talk to you and get to know you a bit without the prying eyes of other people.
This lady is engaged whether she says she will marry him or not. I don't think it's a good idea to discuss it with other fellow workers. You should take this opportunity to meet her and talk, really talk (in private)Make the most of this time.
It can go in two ways, either you will begin a relationship and move forward from there, or she will choose to stay where she is with whom she is, BUT AT LEAST YOU WILL KNOW.
A word of advice would be do not allow yourself to be drawn into an up one minute and down the next situation. You need to find out if she feels the same otherwise it will become increasingly difficult for you to carry on with your job and give it the full attention it deserves.
Also, if she does feel the same and you end up pursuing this, you will need advice on how to conduct a relationship at work without it affecting your job.
This is coming from someone who is going through he same thing right now, but I don't have the chance to talk!!
I wish you luck.
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A
female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (2 September 2010):
Don't tell her. That's just rude. If she is engaged and still says she's engaged, she is at least thinking about marrying him. I know that if I was engaged and there was a guy that I was friends with and he told me he told me he had feelings for me, I might not be friends with him anymore. I would feel uncomfortable around him after that. However, if I broke off the engagement and broke up with the guy, it might be nice to know how he felt about me. This is only one woman's point of view, so hers might be different.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): This is a strange situation to be in, you say she won't finish with him unless she knows how you feel?If you feel for her then tell her it is her you feel for, not another imaginary person, if you have posted your real age and this lady is a similar age, i feel she will appreciate honesty more than games.If she doesn't love him or want to marry him, then she should finish with him before arranging to meet you.You don't say if you are married or attached either, if so , there is a lot to be taken into consideration.You obviously work in a company which does not mind co-worker dating, otherwise you would not be discussing this with other workers freely. After all she is engaged to another man still.All you can do here is to tell her you have feelings for her and then see where it goes from there.Be careful though, it's a risky situation when everyone at work knows your business!
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A
male
reader, wolfie +, writes (2 September 2010):
ok, so every guy goes through this at some point, me included, its quite simple mate, if you dont tell her how you feel then you will regret it.
and your question is simple, if you tell her you want to tell her something important (which is an understatement for this) she will want to listen to you, when you say its about how you feel, she will really want to listen, and when you tell her how you feel about HER, chances are she'll say she feels the same way.
trust me when i say this, she wants to know, so tell her when you see her, and mate, your a good guy, so take a deep breath and jump in to this without regrets.
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