A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been sleeping with this guy for about a year now on and off. We have not made a commitment to each other and it has never ever been brought up in a conversation. My friends just think he is using me and that I am just giving it away for free. I have always let him do all the chasing and when ever I back off he just keeps chasing all the more. I do not want to bring up the commitment issue as I do not want to scare him, while we like each other I do not think we are ready for it yet. It would be wrong to pressure.Sex between us is great. He tells me all the time how much he loves my body and this has not faded over a year. Would a guy really sleep with you for a year if he was not really attracted to you, just for sex? Surely he would get bored and leave, if it was not good. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2009): You are simply meeting his needs for the moment, it seems, almost for free. Perhaps he has his real girl in another town.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2009): Put it this way... you're just a release for him... a little better than his hand, but not as good a girlfriend. Who, if the time came, he would leave you for in a heartbeat.
Now, if the only thing you care about is the sex (which, clearly you don't, otherwise you wouldn't be asking this) then fine... you're both using each other for some sexual release. However, if you are wanting more than that, I would knock this off now, because it will only hurt you in the end when he dismisses you because hes fallen in love with someone else.
Let me tell you, from one woman to another (in the same age range)... what I've learned in life is that men are very simple creatures. If he wanted you for more than just a quick lay, he wouldn't give any mysterious signals, you wouldn't have to interpret anything... he'll just say it outright. If he doesn't want more than that, and you're not screwing with the status quo by asking questions (like, "Where are we headed with all this great sex?") then he'll be just as happy to keep the good, sex going without investing an iota of his heart into it. At best, he may see you as a friend, a good one, but nothing more than that. Sorry.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFingers crossed for you too! xx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2009): Hi there
I have just read this and well its like this. I have been sleeping with a man for 5 months. He has said all the things to me but I couldn't help myself this week and let him know my true feelings. He has not responded to me in anyway as yet. I'm hurting as I may have lost something special but I do know that it was for the best. Still hoping he will respond and come chasing but then I do know that it hurts me more to sleep with him and walk away till the next time. Fingers crossed xx
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (12 February 2009):
I asked my husband and he agrees with me that it's quite likely he can sleep with you for a year and it not mean that much to him.
He can find you very sexually attractive without wanting a relationship or a future with you.
If you want more than that then you may end up being badly hurt and feeling like you have been used and you have wasted the last year of your life.
If you want a boyfriend then you have to tell him that and then walk away from him for good. If he does want you then he'll come chasing after you. If he had no plans to include you in his future then he'll leave you be and you can move on.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2009): Well, I think if he has been going after you for a year he likes you as well as enjoys sex with you, but you may want to ask him for a relationship and see where you get.
He may have little respect for you though as you allow him to have sex with you and you put up with anything from him and he doesn't invest in you and take you out on dates does he? So yeah he is using you and he is probably dating other women that he is interested in and they aren't giving him much sex because he probably isn't giving them the relationship they want and deserve.
But if you all talk a lot and he seems to have feelings for you and you for him then I would bring up the relationship talk since he hasn't and it has been going on for a year, that is if that is what you want.
I think the not being ready part is an excuse you tell yourself to justify his behavior towards you. Believe me if he was interested in locking you down, he would have done it by now or tried too.
This can go on indefinately as long as you don't cramp his style with other woman and you don't expect anything out of him.
Do you think you deserve better, because you are about as handy as a shirt pocket for him! What does that tell you?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey Mr LazyGuyThere is no need to criticize women and call them STUPID in your answer. I never ever wrote in my question that sexual interest meant romantic interest. But, by the way he has cooked me dinner now that's romantic. He has done all the chasing and I waited 6 months first before deciding to sleep with him. Then I decided to take it slowly.And I did put in my question I do NOT think we are ready for a commitment, meaning I am also not ready to go into a deep relationship with him.What I really want to know is, how many people can sleep with someone they do not find a little bit attractive and like for a year just for sex? I am not talking about this on a deep emotional level but more so physical and just likeable factor. Come on for a whole year they got find that person just a little bit attractive and like just a little.Or does anyone know anyone that desperate?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2009): In a word YES of course we would, if we are getting regular decent sex don't have to go on the pull or even try to hard then why not and what is the problem with that. Men get bored sometimes and move on or they get confident and want to show of their talents elsewhere. Its not just men that have sex for a reason, many woman like a kept lifestyle and are more than happy to accomadate for the finer things in life, so thats just life. some woman may not be the prettiest picture in the gallery, but they might be really good sexually so why would a man not enjoy the good time as long as it's on offer, maybe he really enjoys it while it lasts but is the kind that doesn't want the same commitment as you do. Good Luck
...............................
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (12 February 2009):
 Would a guy really sleep with you for a year if he was not really attracted to you, just for sex? Surely he would get bored and leave, if it was not good.
Men are from mars, women are from the planet STUPID!
Perhaps you need to turn the question around. Why wouldn't a guy have sex you for a year even if he ain't really intrested in you.
Why not? What else is he going to do?
I am not saying he is just using you for sex but if a guy is he will do so as long as he can for as long as he is intrested. NEVER take sexual intrest to mean romantic intrest. We guys, and some women too, can and often do seperate these two things.
If you want to see what his true intentions are then it seems likely you have to make the first move. Make a choice, do you want to risk loosing what you got for maybe something more or are you yourself happy to use him for sex with no commitments? Two can play that game after all.
...............................
|
