A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is going to sound a bit of a silly question:If you want to go out with a girl but there is an age difference, can she say no because of oher factors, like worried about parents, rather than what she really wants to do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (24 April 2007):
 It is not all that long until she is 18. Hang out, be her friend, but dont push it. Show respect for her and her parents. Do NOT ask her to defy her parents or to sneak around behind thier backs. As penta said, her parents will be her parents for the rest of her life! If you want more than just a passing fling with this young lady, you want her parents to LIKE you!In just 4 months she can legally date you. Even then, take it slow. Show her (justifiably concerned) parents what a great guy you are and they will soon be on your side.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've thought about it, and I wouldn't do that
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (23 April 2007):
 Hey anonymous, I said that she'd dump you faster than "going against her parents" not than "going behind their backs." The difference is subtle. It depends a lot on her relationship with her parents, but I think you're an idiot if you knowingly ask her to blow her parents off.
For one thing, at her age (depending on where you live) it could be illegal (age of consent in my state is 18; may be different for you, but she's not legally an adult).
But more importantly, they're going to be her parents for the rest of her hopefully long life. The long-term strategy is really bad -- you want them on your side, and you don't want her mad at you on their behalf.
They're family, you're not. Play it that way, and you'll be happier in the long run.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust an update on the situation - we texted each other last night-she texted me to ask me to ring her when she was on her way to college this morning, and at the end of the conversation, she said she'd text me later. Result!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPenta, can I ask you why you saidshe'd dump me faster than go behind her parets' back?
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (19 April 2007):
At her age she'll dump you faster than she'll go against her parents. I was 17 and had a 23 year old boyfriend. One friday I stayed home from school (played hookey, really, but told my parents I wasn't feeling well and stayed home).
The house rule was that if I was sick enough to stay home, I was sick enough to stay home. No going out if I hadn't gone to school. Now I guess I was a weird kid -- I saw the wisdom of most of my parents rules, and agreed that they were fair.
The boyfriend called and wanted to go out that night. So I explained the rule. He tried to get me to come out anyway, and I said no, why don't we plan something for tomorrow? I hadn't gone to school, so I couldn't go out. He got huffy, said "well just how old are you anyway?"
I said "17!" and hung up. And I never answered the phone when he called again.
Family is often more important than a boyfriend ...
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A
male
reader, Dr. Mark  +, writes (19 April 2007):
Thanks for the added information. In this case, she is not an adult, and you need to respect her parents' wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe's 17 (18 in August) and I am 27
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think this girl is saying no because she caress too much aout what her parents will think. Is there any way I can, to a certain extent, edge her away from doing that?
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (18 April 2007):
She may really like you, but be worried about her parents reaction due to the age differance. You dont say what the ages are so it is hard to tell. My parents would not let me date a man who was 20 when I was 13. Understandable? Sure! I really liked him and vise versa, but it just wasnt going to be allowed. We stayed friends for years before drifting apart. Then about 3 years ago we reconnected and have now been together for 2 years! The age dif may be a problem now, but as the two of you get older, it may not be so much anymore.
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A
male
reader, Dr. Mark +, writes (18 April 2007):
A woman can give any number of reasons for saying no. Often, a woman wants to be nice, and not let a guy down, so instead of saying, "I'm really just not interested in you", she may offer some other excuse. If you try another way around, and there is still no interest, then don't take it personally, but accept it that you might have to look elsewhere. If she really wants to see you, and if she is an adult, she will find a way.
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