A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my bf of twelve years, last july. I had been grieving over a lost one and he found someone else to talk to...i found out, by mobile phone he left for me to find. Coward, but when we talked he said the L word about her. Obviously i was devastated and he said he didn't know what to do. I then made a terrible mistake after we had agreed to make a go of things, of sleeping with someone we both knew a long time ago, then confessed all. He then left me and moved in with her, which was in July. He had been seeing her for a couple of months and my mistake was just one night.We still told each other that we loved one another and i still slept with him, stupid.. i always hoped he'd come back, especially as we also have a six year old. We made plans to move away from it all and try to make a new start together. Which took until Feb, all this time him still living with her. When typing this i feel like such an idiot, anyway, obviously here i am new home, changed mine and my six year olds life, didn't move really far but enough and him not moved in. He came round about once or twice a week and we chatted on msn, he bought a couple of things round and still has some of his stuff here. Anyway, she has seen a couple of emails i sent him about ten days ago. Basically saying i was fed up of waiting for him and how much i still love him and just want him to be happy. She pretended to be him on msn and asked when we last made love, i clicked it was her straight away as it had only been a few days ago, but to be sure i emailed him asking and then had a few spiteful messages from her.I haven't heard from him at all and it has been 10 days now. She said he just says things to me to shut me up and that they are laughing at me. Well one of the last things i said to him on msn was, 'why can't i stop thinking about you?' and he replied 'because we are soul mates' ...I didn't make him say that or ask him to, to shut me up. I just think if he was really playing me then there would be no need for him to say things like that.I should point out that this girl liked my bf when we were about 20 and she was about 13...he is now 29 and she is 21/22. We were also trying for another baby for a few years and i was having problems...she just told me in one of her messages that they are going to have a baby soon...i don't really believe her. I do wish i could just move on...why would he try and keep me if he has this new gf that she believes loves her? He has never had an exclusive relationship with her. Everytime i was with him he seemed genuine and i could still feel he loves me, i have known him for twelve years, we knew each other inside out and we both felt we had lost our best friend as well as lover. She would have been watching him like a hawk now, before all this she was controlling...won't let him get a job, go anywhere without her etc...cause she don't trust him with good reason and he was always complaining about her, how she is immature..etc, not just to me either, other friends had noticed.Anyway if you have read this far thanks, i just wanted to get it all out and i don't know what to do. He kept telling me he was gonna leave when she wasn't around for a day or something so that he had time to get all his stuff. I suppose if he really loved me, he would have left a long time ago...but i really want him back, i miss him so much. He came back to me for a week in october, before i moved, but she didn't leave him alone, came to our house, phone calls...anyway am i an idiot for waiting for him?...yes..lol. Does anyone that has read this believe he will come back. I did send an email to him on the 14th saying i guess he'd made his choice then and said goodbye. So my new plan is to look great, happy etc..when i see him, make him take his stuff, maybe see me with a new male friend. Maybe i should just give up on him. I'm so confused, how can he give up on us?
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best friend, broke up, immature, move on, moved in, msn, soul mates, soulmate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): Thanks for reply's guys, especially you hanz..He turned up this afternoon, told me he loves me, couldn't phone me or anything, coz she even follows him to the loo now..apparently. He said he tried to pack his stuff the other day when she was out but only got his clothes in the car. She seems a bit pyscho, they argued when she read my emails and she took his car key away from him and stood in the doorway etc..he always seems genuine and like he isn't lying about this stuff. He says he is just waiting for the right time to beable to leave with all of his stuff, ie when she isn't there, coz he doesn't want to leave anything behind, or go back there. He also said to me that the worst thing he ever did was move in with her.
I love this guy enough to just want him to be happy. Sometimes i just feel like an idiot for waiting, but I don't want to give up coz i love him. Over the last few days i was starting to believe it was hopeless and that i was kidding myself. Anyway, thanks again x
A
female
reader, chachacha +, writes (18 April 2007):
I don't understand why you would want to go back to this man - he has left you for someone else, mucked you about, and has been gone for quite a long time now, and is not treating you nicely at all.
You should decide to get on with your own life. Don't think about HIM seeing you look great or seeing you with another guy - just think about YOU looking great, being happy, and in due course (wait a while!!!) finding another guy.
Let this guy go.
Obviously, if you have a child together, you'll have to agree something about him seeing the child and providing some maintenance for the child too - you should have a lawyer sort this out for you, to take away the emotion and help you sorting it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): It may be he is confused and wants both lives but not being able to make a choice and so plays for time.He might not even be doing this deliberatly.Normally I would say - just move on and this is still my feeling, but when you bin 2gether so long with a child and he says he still wants you it may be he is under her control.If you feel he is the type who could be you could give him an ultimatum, mean it and make sure he knows that.Or you could move on and mean that 2. Very hard to advise as it depends on what you want - although you may have to move on regardless if it proves he doesnt want the same.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): Well I think there is still hope 4 u 2!Nd I'm not lying,If he has actually told u that ur still together nd he luvs u then that's enough!
U said he is always complaining about her,well that tells me that there relationship isn't solid unlike urs and his relationship!
There is still hope 4 u nd him I know there is.If u keep trying u never no he might decide that u r the 1 4 him!
Hope this helps!x
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