A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a wonderfall retionship with my partner of 7months but i have a problem with jealousy, because of past relationships were i have been cheated on, I trust my girl and i no she would not hurt me but i fear my insecurities mite ruin what we have.
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (9 June 2007):
 The MOST important thing here is your ability to see that you are jealous. That is the most important first step. Now you have to figure out where it comes from.
What does she do that makes you feel jealous, if anything? What sets you off? You see, many jealous people try to control situations to minimize the possibility for anything "wrong" to happen. The problem is, you're trying to control things you perceive to be wrong. You really can't control what another person does or feels. You can only hope they respect your relationship. You can not make someone love or desire you. You can create an atmosphere that is conducive to those feelings, but that's it.
What you are doing is actually, the opposite. If yo try to control someone, eventually, they'll resent you because you make them feel trapped. Although your intentions might be "good" the approach is restricting to the other person. Example...your girlfriend goes out with the girls. She talks to some guy. What harm has taken place? Do you think she is so weak she'll jump into bed with the first guy she meets. If she did, you would have a relationship that wasn't what you thought it was anyway.
To love someone is to want to see them grow and experience life and what it has to offer. Of course you have boundaries in a relationship but they must be realistic. Will she be attracted to other men. Yes, just as you see other pretty women. So what, that's natural. If you have an attractive spirit is key to making a relationship last. If you're jealous or possessive, you won't be attractive for long. At first she'll find it cute, but when she has to start doing normal things behind your back, she'll get angry.
Don't convict someone of something they have not done, nor had intentions to do. In the end, there will always be chance to stray. If she's the lady you think she is, she won't do it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2007): I really feel for you, I myself have been in some horrible relationships were my self esteeme took a rapid drop. my last husband cheated on me (well i can laugh about it now!!!)with some girl my son new in a bloody bush of all places at 5-15 in the afternoon stone cold sober. I of course found out and that was him out the door at high speed!!!! But i have never stoped believing in love and i would not let their insecuritys make my life hell for long, Of course when you have been in this kind of situation it is so much harder to trust and feel secure and safe.... My love dont let the idiots who let you down ruin what you have now, trust is so important it took me about 8 months with my new partner he new what i had been through in my past as i spoke openly with him. So at times when i would go a little quite or be feeling insecure he would no and he always did something nice for that day. he has worked so hard in this relationship i now dont worry about anything as i no how much im loved. Jelousy is a horrible feeling to have, it makes you do and say things you wouldnt normally think about, Dont let it take over, you have now got someone who loves you talk about your feelings she may well understand and be able to help you through be friends and be happy in this lovely new relationship i do wish you luck and hope it all works out great for you. love to you both xx
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