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female
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anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,I've been best friends with this girl (let's just call her Erica) since before my memory can even recall (our moms have told us that we first met when we were four months old...lol). Through elementary school, we were practically inseperable...even though we were sometimes in different classes. We had other friends, too...but we mostly hung out with each other. We never fought once, and everything was just totally cool.But then in middle school, things started changing. We had hardly any classes together...meaning we didn't really get to see each other all that often. We sat at the same table at lunch, but something still felt different. The reason: This other girl (we'll just call her Ellen) started acting really...best-friendly...toward Erica. It seemed like every time you turned around, they were together. Now, I love Ellen like a sister, I really and truly do, but I just sort of felt like she was taking my place.I was talking to Erica on AIM, and we both said that we miss the fun times we used to have together. As I was talking to her, I started crying. We're about to start high school, and it won't be long until we're going our seperate ways. When you really think about it, four years isn't really all that long. I've heard about best friends simply just drifting apart, and I'm afraid that that's what's going to happen to Erica and I...and I TOTALLY don't want that to happen. I just want my best friend back...the way it used to be. What should I do?
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female
reader, Cindy lou And Babbi +, writes (14 June 2006):
 well i no its tough wen u think u are gonna drift apart from ur best friend trust me ive been there and all you got to do is keep spendin time wiv her and dont let her think there is sumthing wrong wiv u and u got to also tell her dat ur worried u mite lose her
A
female
reader, Smiler +, writes (14 June 2006):
 Hey there
Well sweetie i know exactly where your coming from here so i'm talking from experience ok i'll try to help you get your head around this yeah :o)... firstly you and erica certainly sound like your inseperable, thats a good thing that you have found such a good friend at such a young age, cause sweetie good friends are hard to find, me and my friend like you and erica have known each other years about 15 years now in total so we started our friendship in our school days too, sure like you and erica we did everything together and have alot of special memories you know but we also had our moments where we would kinda drift apart a little an not talk as much and yeah it hurts like hell cause we too are like sisters closer than peas and carrots but we just kept checking back with eachother everytime we drifted apart one of us would always make that extra effort to find out what was happening in the others world or what was going on insid e the others mind... so truely you never loose that special friendship bond that you and erica have created its strong enough to with stand the pull while you to grow up together my friendship with my best bud certainly did she is now currently just moved into her house with my boyfriends brother and is already god mother to my daugther she was there all though my pregnancy and there at the hospital when my daughter was born so as i say if your friendship is as strong as our was and it certainly sounds it, Sweetie you will never be replaced you will have your ups and downs sure and may even drift a little but your friendship will outstand all of the above if you both put that little bit extra in to keep it strong and alive ok sweetie :o)...
I hope my advice was able to help you sweetie :o) if you ever need a chat or just a friend to talk to i'm always here for you ok, I would love to hear from you again find out how things are going so don't hesitate to email me ok... Keep Smiling :o)
You Take Care X
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (14 June 2006):
 Try not to worry too much. If you want to remain friends, you will.
Although friendships change over time, you can still share special times together. You may discover that you can never have your friendship "the way it was" because people grow and develop and change. Young girls often have extremely close bonds with each other in primary school, and that's fine. But as you get older and start looking outwards in your lives, you need to have the freedom to explore time with other friends and, well, with guys.
If you and your bestest-ever friend still treated each other with the same inseparability that you had when you were nine, no boys would ever get a look in!
So, growing apart in some ways is a Good Thing; you just have to keep your eyes on the greater goal, which is to find common ground in spite of each of you becoming different people. Think about what you and she still have in common and try to build on that. Make time to see each other regularly (outside school if necessary), and be sure to keep in touch with the details of each others' lives. That way you'll always have something to discuss.
But again, don't worry about it. If you make the effort (and she does too), then your friendship is safe. It might change, it might stretch a bit, but it'll survive the life transitions.
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (14 June 2006):
 The prospect of losing a best friend is very painful. If you and Erica truly share a mutual connection, it will carry on for a good many years. But you have to let her go first.
By "letting go," I don't mean to say that you should stop caring about her. Both of you are just getting started in life and in learning about relationships. The one thing you are learning now is that relationships are put to the test now and again.
Four years seems like a long time, but four years from now your perspective on relationships may be very different compared to how you see them today.
If it helps, I'm 39 years old, and a very close friend of mine is going to move away in a few months. Until recently I was having trouble with the "letting go" part because I wasn't sure if we'd be able to continue our friendship over a long distance. The only thing I can do is to believe that we have a special friendship that will stand the tests of time and distance.
I have several close friendships that have stood the tests of time and distance. One of my best buds lives in another country - we've known each other for 25 years, and lived in different cities for 20 of those 25 years! Yet when we talk (once every few months these days) it is like we've never been separated. I know we'll stay friends for as long as we live.
I hope your friendship with Erica stands the test of time. But if it doesn't, rest assured that there will be other special people out there worthy of your friendship. Good luck and take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2006): If you think about it, "friends" is like many of the other things in life - like television, games, sports, working out, travelling, reading, and so on. Friends is to help you pass time. As human beings, as moral as we can be, we often by nature, try to hold onto things because we have a sentimental attachment to them. Just like the silliest things - movie ticket stubs that my ex and I got for a screening of Dreamer and Howl's Moving Castle, or pieces of paper that she wrote scores for our Scrabble games, followed by scribbles of smiley faces with tongues sticking out (at me). Sentimental attachments to the places we've lived in, the furniture we've slept on, the pictures of memories shared long passed. Friends in reality is simply just to pass time, but we try to hold onto them emotionally and mentally, because by nature, we don't want to let go. Alas, we do, and sometimes, we have to.
All you can really do is continue to keep in touch, use some tact, be considerate. People grow up and move in different directions. Mentalities become more refined, personalities get more defined, and things can never be the same again. This is called progression and growth.
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