A
female
age
18-21,
*oolcat2244
writes:I am 14 and i have been in this relationship with this boy we have been dating for 3 months and i really like him. The thing is normally we would shift and kiss and all that but he said that he wants to top me this means to take off my shirt and make out and im not sure if i should. I'm afraid if I say no and just keep shifting he will get board with me and break up with me. So what do I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 June 2017):
 If he gets bored, then that means he doesn't like you. And you should never be in a relationship with someone who doesn't like you. Your job as a girlfriend is not to be his sex toy. If he wants to break up with you for not doing sexual things with him, then the only proper thing to do is to let the relationship end. Because you should not, ever, at all, be in a relationship with someone who is just using you for sex.
Even adults are allowed to say they don't want to take their shirt off. No matter what age, if the other person does not respect this, then the relationship must end. It is not a relationship if it's just about sex and kissing or being physical. That's called a sexual affair, not a relationship.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (15 June 2017):
 Trust your own instincts and, if it doesn't feel like something YOU want to do, then it is OK to say no.
You are perfectly within your rights to say to him "I am only 14. I do not feel comfortable doing this yet."
If he drops you, then he is with you for the wrong reasons and would probably drop you anyway. Imagine how difficult it would be for you if you allowed him to do whatever he wanted and he STILL dropped you.
Assuming your boyfriend is of a similar age to you, he is likely to be asking for this sort of thing because (a) he has heard his mates brag about it, and (b) so he can brag to his mates. Don't become a notch on his bedpost. Respect yourself and have the confidence to say no.
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male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (15 June 2017):
I agree with the others but just want to add that however far you go, he'll probably be bragging that to his best friends, and then they will tell their friends, and then they will.....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2017): In this case you are right. You are a strong and smart young lady. You know it is too soon and you came to us because you need our support. I'm WiseOwlE, and you have my support!
Boys are not as smart as girls at your age. I think nature intended for it to be that way; so you'll know how to keep us in-check. You're both too young for what he wants to do.
Never let a boy bully or pressure you into doing anything sexual that you don't feel comfortable to do. He will persist and keep asking and begging; but you're the smarter of the two. Because you have the power to say NO! It's your body and you will do with it as you please; and when you feel the time is right for YOU!
Boys are clever, and they will say things to persuade you to change your mind; and to get you to do what he wants you to.
He'll say the following: "If you love me, you'll let me."
"Everybody else does it!" "Why not, are you scared like a little girl?" "If you don't, I know somebody who will!"
He'll keep saying these things until he wears you down; or he will sulk, ignore you, and act like a big baby. Don't pay any attention to that. Be strong. Girls rule their bodies and boys don't just take what they want; or try to be slick and weasel them into do things they're not ready to do.
My advice is, not to do it; because you know you're not old enough or ready to go that far.
Show him how strong you are and when you say NO, that means NO!!! If he does love you, he will respect you and wait. If he dumps you, it means he only wanted to get under your clothes and didn't really care about you anyway!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 June 2017):
 You have to ask yourself, OP
DO I really want to be with a guy who is trying to FORCE me to do things (sexual or otherwise) that I am NOT ready for or willing to do?
He probably is more concerned about HIMSELF and doing these things so HE can feel good and "manly", maybe even to gain some "status" amongst his friends and peers.
You are 14, there IS no hurry in doing things of a sexual nature.
I think it can feel "right" because the hormones are in charge but the fact that you wrote to DC and are in doubt of what to do tell most of us that you are NOT ready.
TAKE this as a good lesson in life, OP - LEARN to say no. IT IS OK to say no to things you aren't ready for.
IF he dumps you over this.. HOW much do you think he really CARES about you? If he doesn't get to have you with your shirt off he doesn't want to date you... so guess what? HE is more concerned about NAKED boobs and what HE wants than you... That doesn't sound like a good BF. It sounds like a HORNY and IMMATURE one.
Let's say you do it anyways, what do you think he will want to do next? He isn't going to STOP trying to PUSH you to do sexual things. You are 14.
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A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (14 June 2017):
 if he is around your age , he most likly is trying to prove to his mates that he can top you ynd even more , he is just intrested in proving that he is as good as his friends ,
I complement you on how clever you are at you age that you can see through his crap and know what he is pushing for , just don't forget if and when you are ready to make that move , first condom is a must ' even if he has a stack of bibles telling you that it is ok and he will pull out ,
second don't do it untill you are ready to, it is not a race and if you was not ready for another 5 years so what , it is your body and no one has the right to push you into anything ,
he will not dump you for saying no to this , he will even think more of you as to give you a little inside of how boys think , they know that if they want something like this they have to push the girl , if she gives in they then become like a dog that runs after a car if the car stopped the dog will not know what to do then , much the same with young boys , and they think because the girl did she must be a slut , ( i know it is an ugly word) , but boys will be boys they can say a lot things ,but think differently , this boy might dump you if you go all the way with him , Don't give him false hope if you are not ready for anything tell him don't just say not today , or maybe the next time , this way he knows where you stand and will drop it and not keep pushing you for the summer , what is he with you for be are right to take as much time as is needed to get to know him what he realy thinks of you and not be with you just because he is looking for experance and that you are letting him shift you and hopely top you and then the next thing ,
don't forget that many girls get locked up the first time and all the girls in your school will take the piss out of you and he will run away if this happens , so take care and don't be worried that he will dump you if he caesabout how you feel he will be happy to give you all the time you need
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (14 June 2017):
 Shifting?
It's a good idea at your age to stay away from being remotely nude. It can easily get out of hand and go too far.
Stick your ground. If he likes you enough, he'll stay and won't bring it up for at least a few more months. If he says he'll leave or keeps mentioning it, he doesn't like you for you; he just wants sex.
Honey, no boy is worth pushing your boundaries.
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female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (14 June 2017):
 No man that cares about you will put his sexual urges first at the expense of your feelings. That's what's known as a guy who badly wants a lay that sees you as a coke can or a sweet wrapper to be chucked away when used. WHATVER he says remember if he pressures you against your feelings and will he is lying about his intentions and feelings.
The truth is you're not mentally mature enough to be involved with guys if you have no sense of self- worth and self identity. A real man wants a woman who knows her mind and her worth and you're very young, naive and still building up these things- if you want something you have the CONFIDENCE to ask for it and if you dont you say no.
Dont forget the age of consent is 16 in UK. At 14 youre more vulnerable to naivety. Anyone over the age of 16 is committing a crime by having intercourse with a minor because THEY should know better.
I know you said he just to "top you" but that is him easing you closer to sex.
There is only one you, and it's your job to put YOURSELF first. take care
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (14 June 2017):
 When you finally do meet someone that respects you and wants to make out the "normal" way you'll realize that this idiot was a chump.
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (14 June 2017):
 Why would you be worried about 'losing' someone who pressures you into doing things you don't want to do?
Tell him no. If he carries on trying, then this guy clearly does not respect you.
You're also very young to be getting involved in sexual kinds of antics.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2017): I think you shouldn't feel pressured. Don't do it until you feel ready. If he likes you enough he will see that you are worth the wait and won't pressure you into doing something that you don't feel ready to do.Have you considered that if you do allow him to 'top you,' he will more than likely want to take things to the next level again? 'Topping' is basically foreplay for sex. He will want to take things to the next step. You're only 14 so take things slowly. Good Luck.
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