A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Help. My boyfriend likes to spend more time with his gay friend rather than me. My boyfriend doesnt have that many friends so the gay friend is really the only friend he has. I love my boyfriend so much and I know he loves me but his gay friend is always there. The gay friend once said to my boyfriend he had feelings for him but my boyfriend didnt return them. I'm so stressed because tonight for my boyfriends birthday they're going out for dinner and a show and tomorrow they're going out to cinema. I just dont know how to feel or what to do :( Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2013): Does this have to do with your bf's friend being gay? or time not being spent with you?
My husband's best friend is gay. He is apart of our family and WE support him. I don't have a problem with him spending time with him, as I'm confident of his sexuality and what he prefers. My husband has flown to get his best friend when he was struggling some mild mental health issues. His friend lived with us for almost 3 years till he was ready to venture out on his own. He is know a doctor and helping others! He is a great gay or straight guy.
You need to have a conversation with your bf. Tell him how you are feeling.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2013): I don't think preference of whom you chose to spend your birthday, determines your sexual orientation.
His "friend" is springing for dinner and cinema. It's a treat for his birthday.
So what did you plan otherwise?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (4 October 2013):
 Your boyfriend may not be gay but he sure does prefer his company over yours. He doesn't even want to spend is birthday with you! Time to trade up, Chickie.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2013): Your feelings are understandable. This is a test of trust. Would you feel better, if his best friend was straight?Does he now have to choose between keeping his best friend, or giving in to your insecurity?Just because his gay friend expressed he has feelings, doesn't change your boyfriend's sexual orientation. They aren't keeping any secrets about it; because there is nothing to worry about, as far as you're concerned.You have to control your jealousy, and not let it get the better of you. It could be hurtful.Being clingy or prejudiced; aren't good traits in a girlfriend. This is new to you, and you have to learn a few things.You know he has few friends, and his "gay" friend is still his "friend." If you resent his friend for his sexual orientation, that's your problem. Any amount of time, is too much time; if you don't like his friend, because he's gay.Your boyfriend has the good judgment of how to handle his friend, and he is also committed to you. If he has to end his friendship to make you more comfortable; you may be showing a side of yourself he may not like. Straight men can have gay friends without turning gay. They are not gay; because they have gay friends. That's a homophobic opinion. It's ignorant and closed-minded.I am gay and have married male friends; and straight friends with girlfriends. Never once have they ever made any advances (sexual or otherwise) towards me; nor I toward them. They are attractive and quite sexy, but they don't let my orientation get in the way of the fact we are friends. They know I am gay and always have.We can count on each other as men; and love and care for each other as fellow human beings. Their wives and girlfriends are wonderful; and I love them equally.They make my life full and bring me joy.Your boyfriend is a strong young man, and sure of who he is a guy. He has an open mind and a good soul. He chose you over all other girls. Don't make him feel he has made a mistake.His gay-friend may have a crush, and realizes it isn't going anywhere. No matter how much he tries, he can't make your boyfriend gay, if he's not.If you have any suspicion your boyfriend is gay; then it is up to you to end it. He doesn't have to give up his best friend to prove he isn't. It could still be a lie; if is gay, and he did.
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