A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I became involved with a married woman 3 years ago (yes, I know it's terrible) but she was in a dead end relationship and simply afraid to be on her own after so many years with the same man. After seeing each other as friends, and then lovers for a year, she moved out of the home she shared with her husband, filed for separation and moved in with me. We have been living together for 2 years and it has been absolutely wonderful. At first, I knew she wanted to give her husband time to adjust to their break up. But he hasn't. He still leaves cards and flowers in her car almost weekly. During the first year she moved in with me, she would go home a couple of times a month, to pay bills and check on him. Then her visits to him became less frequent. I know she doesn't love him but she worries that he'll kill himself once she serves him with divorce papers. But I am anxious to start our life together without her being married to someone else. I know she loves me and has taken steps but I also know that she's scared of making a mistake. She's deathly afraid of being alone, and worries that once she files for divorce, things might not work out between the two of us. How can I help her speed things up, or is she just going to go back to him? I know I'm not the most romantic guy in the world, like he is - always with the cards and flowers, but I do tell her that I love her, and I think I show her in a hundred different ways every day. I just hope I'm not wasting my time because I cannot imagine my life without her.
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female
reader, missmel34  +, writes (7 December 2007):
 Unfortunately you have became involved with someone who didn't go through the naural stages of a relationships end. You both have probably jumped the gun.
Every marriage coming to an end needs time for re-adjustment. You said it, she was "simply afraid to be on her own". She didn't have time to deal with her own issues, not to mention allow her husband to realise the marriage is over. Both partners need to time to greive, even the person who ended it it. Marriage is about dreams, ideals, plans for the future, identity. Its more than changing house mates.
I think for all involved, especially you, you need to move out. You need to give her time to resolve these issues, divorce her ex husband. To have time on her own, healing herself, and realising what she really wants. Replacing one husband with another is just a recipe for disaster.
Agree to go back with her once she has dealt with all this.
Good Luck
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