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male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Im desperate to know whats going on. Im so confused about so many things in my current relationship. First off, I am 18, and yes, you may say everything you want about being young and having relationships, but love comes in many forms. Anyways, i've dated plenty of women, but recently i started talking to a girl almost 19 hours away from me. A month later, the word love just came into play. Now, ive had so much trouble saying that to a girl i dated 2 years, and in 1 month it feels natural. So everything is great until she tells me to come party with her friends. I couldnt help it, the words " I would feel uncomfortable partying with them when youve slept with more than half of them.". Now, i dont consider myself a jealous person, its never bothered me before, but all of a sudden, I'm losing sleep over it. She has had many many experiences sexually, and by choice i am still a virgin waiting for the "one" so to speak. But why does it bother me now? Even as i write this, im extremly concerned, and I know her past isnt my business, but for some reason, I cant help it.
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male
reader, kakaman  +, writes (16 January 2007):
If this is bothering you now maybe you should consider what motivates you to save yourself for "the one".
I used to say I was not going to have sex. I looked down upon people who did. I was simply jealous that they had the opportunity while it seemed like I didn't. So I started to believe I was above sex. I just wasn't honest about my sexuality. It was easier to lie to myself than actually put some work into socializing with the opposite sex. I understand that now I should have been having fun. I could have had sex and it wouldn't have been dirty or forbidden; it could have been fun.
It is noble to save yourself. Not many people do. But if you do or you don't should not matter to anyone but yourself.
You need to understand that you might one day be ready to give yourself to someone who does not have the same values as you. Will you be able to give them this gift even if they did not make the same choices as you?
I guess all I can really say is try and find out what you want. Not what you think other people want from you. But try and have fun along the way too.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2007): Well we can't exactly turn a blind eye to anyone's past, when love is involved. And someone's past says alot about their chacter. Especially when it's not so distant.
I think what's really bothering you is the fact that she lives 19 hours away and it might be hard to have a trusting relationship with someone who has slept around as much as she has.
It's a red flag. Weigh things carefully. She may not be "the one".
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