| A
female
,
*ngel3020
writes: Hello,I've been in a relationship for about 3 months. I like my boyfriend, but he still goes to his x-girlfriend's house and few times he spent the whole night with her! She is few years older than him and she has a 16 year old son. My boy friend says they are just friend and there is no sexual relationship betwwen them. He says that he feels obligated to see her and her son because they were together for 7 years and he has been like a father to her child when they were together (when the son was 2-9 years old)! I told him that I'm not comfortable with him going to her place and stay over. He can take the son out and spend time with him without getting her involved.Last week, she invited him to a party and stay over at a cottage for a night with other people. He told her that he would take me too. But she said it wouldn't be proper. So, he told her that he wouldn't go there without me and she said that her son would be disappointed because he wants him around, but when my boyfriend talked to the son, the son said that he would't care and he would go there any way!So, my boyfriend cancelled the plan and told me that he would spend the long weekend with me. Few days later, he told me that he wanted to go to the party and stay at the cottage!!! He wanted to see me the next day and spend the rest of the long weekend with me. He said the didn't want me conrol (!) his life and take him away from his friends!!! I really like him but I don't understand why he should risk his relationship for spending time with x-girlfriend when there is no romantic relationship between them. Should I just break up with him and leave him and her x-girlfriend alone? Please advise.Thanks
View related questions:
his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2006): There is no way in heck that he should be staying over at her house, NONE. So put your foot down on that one.
Trust or not, it still isn't right.
Invite the 17 year old over to your house if he wants to spend time with the son. Go out with them and sit and read a book if they want to toss the ball.
Tell him that he needs to include you as it would make you comfortable and that he needs to think of you and your needs too.
It is not her place to decide what is proper or not...your boyfriend needs his head to be shaken....that is your place and his.
He needs to be making "We" decisions and not "me" or "her" decisions.
Put your foot down. The longer you let this continue the more he will do and the more the Ex will push. The Ex obviously wants him back or she would be considerate of you and invite and welcome you.
Tell him that the Ex is taking him away from you and that should matter.
Tell him that we are a WE and we both need to think of the other when making decisions.
Tell him it is not controlling to want to be included in his life and to meet his friends.
Tell him if the Ex is such a good friend, she wouldn't be keeping you and him from one another and she should be thinking of who and what will make him happy.
Tell him that he himself has decided that you make him happy as you are in his life.
Ask if he is willing to keep and save your relationship. Ask if if he would be up for going to couples counselling.
After this avenue is explored, then save your heart and sanity and leave.
Good Luck Sweetie.
*hugs*
A
reader, sexylinz  +, writes (9 August 2006):
 talk to him. expalin that you do not mean to come across as controlling but if he cares about you he would not wish to make you feel insecure.try coming to a compramise with him. if he refuses to compramise with you and still insists on spending so much time with his ex it may be time to start thinkin about trying to find someone else.you deserve much more tham thisgood luck
...............................
|
