A
female
age
36-40,
*elticghirl
writes:i have been with an alcoholic for about a year and a half now and have actually broken up with him as he was beginning to get violent and controlling.about a year in to the relationship he accused me of cheating as i let a few friends in my house when we fell out one of them being an old aqaintance following that he smashed my mums windows as that is where i stay when we are apart anyway he went to jail for it and i stayed with him,just recently we fell out agian and the police were called and we both had conditions to stay away from each other which i stuck to but he got it in to his head that i was cheating again and came round and smashed the windows again this is realy affecting my mum and its really getting me down,i am not going back to him this time at the monent he is in jail and im dreading him coming back out and doing it all over again as i dont think he will accept that its over,what the hell do i do? i am in the process of getting a restraining order against him but still feel this wont stop him and i am realy worried for my safety and my mums too because when he throws bricks through the window it could hit any one of us help!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2010): You need to work with the police that arrested him, if you can visit with that officer it might help- you need to learn from this, and work (hard) to start making better decisions. If you can forge a relationship with a few officers (they don't want to be your friend, but generally they do care a lot about people and when folks are genuinely trying to make their life better they will go the extra mile to assist. My point is that if they know you're working hard to avoid trouble, when you call they'll know this guy is a problem and be able to assist a bit more.You need to look into why you are attracted to men like this- if this is your first relationship with an addict (good!), there may not yet be much of a pattern. Addicts can be fun people (at first) to be around- but 99% of the time they are 100% incapable of being in a relationship and there's LOTs of problems.Start the new year right- take pro-active steps to be in the right place emotionally when Mr. Wonderful gets out of jail. Part of his release should be that he not go anywhere near you, especially with a proper RO in place.Seek help from a woman's shelter- you should quantify from some kind of assistance since what you experienced is in fact domestic abuse. They should be able to offer some great advice and possibly counciling. Best of Luck!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 January 2010):
 Can you get a restraining order against him before he comes out? ( I see you are in the process of getting one, which is good, THOUGH it is "only" a piece of paper so to speak)
I would actually call the police and ask them HOW you can keep yourself as safe as possible. It sounds pretty scary.
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