A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I thought I was friends with another female cowoker ans things seemed fine and like we enjoyed each others company. She even said she was glad we met and worked together and that she considers me as a good friend and that we would continue working to for years to come etc. At times it was a little awkward as she is in a higher position than me so at times I didn’t want to tell her some thingsPeople at work are also mostly women noticed I was fond of her and treated her differently especially compared to other managers. For example sometimes I would bring her favorite treats etc. So people started gossiping since we are both single and someone said and told her I have a crush on her. To make it worse a few times I joined conversation and inquired with another coworker about her sexual preferences. This got back to my manager friend and days after talking with her and she came to my office and she invited me to eat lunch I was called into our supervisor office. I was told she felt harrassed by me and that the gifts needed to stop and that I was no longer to talk to the manager at work. I was to avoid her as much as possible and not have any outside personal interactions with her. I was told my manager friend was told to block me and that she didn’t want to talk about it with me which is what I preferred The supervisor said the other manager felt harrassed by me-I can only assume because of the questions about her sexuality that got back to her?! Otherwise she did seem to enjoy everything. I am a small woman like 100 pds 5’2 and the manager is more like 5’7 150. I don’t understand why I could be accused of sexual harassment and why my manager friend would turn on me. During our conversations I told her I was open to dating a woman but mostly talked to her about guys and even tried to invite her to go on a few double dates etc. So now at work when I see the manager friend (and several people know all of this) she will ignore me but sometimes she will make small talk with me and sometimes when we do work together she acts as if nothing happened. I found out the manager friend is actually in the process of moving to a different office not too far away in a town over for the same job. I feel the gossip etc is part of the reason for this. A part of me wants to talk with her to explain things and possibly still be friends but I also don’t want to lose my job! And I feel bad if she feels sexually harrassed by me as that is not something to take lightly
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2024): You are trying to play down your part in this. There are women who sexually harrass women and men who do it to men. And it is just as bad as heterosexual harrassment. You know very well that when you asked her sexual orientation that is why you asked, and it is nosey and private. If a woman asked me that I would be annoyed and stop trusting her motives too. She felt comfortable with you at work as co workers. There is a huge jump from that to being friends let alone lovers. And if she is straight that is her business. Anyway, even a gay woman could already be spoken for or you are not her type. And would probably know it is not wise to mix work with romance.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2024): I am becoming very disillusioned about people. You have just experienced a nasty situation which is still haunting you.Simply because you were friendly and nice.I've had the same sort of thing - I get a lot of free products from manufacturers and sellers as samples. They don't cost me anything financially. I give them to charities and fund raising causes. I offered a local charity to give them a lot of these free products, so they could raffle them or auction them and put any money raised to their costs. Other places snap my hand off and are grateful. The lady who runs this one was all sniffy with me as if she would be doing me a favour if she took any of these things! Then because she got a stupid idea in her head that I would charge her and was trying to sell them to her she got very unfriendly and froze me out. Other charities and clubs raise thousands a year from these things. And of course she is telling people that I tried to SELL them to her. Untrue. She misunderstood. And didnt use any sense. She knows I own various businesses in the area AND am doing very well financially. Someone who is working that hard and doing that well would not be asking charities for a fiver here and a fiver there for bits, it would not be worth their time to get such a small amount.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2024): Maybe she was spooked by having another woman attracted to her. Maybe you seemed very keen and she felt embarrassed. In any case she has made it clear that she doesn't want it to go further so you have to respect that.
Fortunately she is leaving so the gossip might die down. If it was me I'd go and ask HR exactly what she said about you.
Please try to be more careful next time and don't approach people at work as that can become complicated. Find someone outside.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2024): I agree with Honeypie- I’d leave & find another job. Maybe you did slightly over step a boundary by asking about her sexuality but I do think the whole situation has been taken a little out of context.
Don’t talk to her to try to explain anything, keep your head down & look for another job as this will no doubt stick for a while & you shouldn’t feel uncomfortable in your workplace.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 June 2024):
 "A part of me wants to talk with her to explain things and possibly still be friends but I also don’t want to lose my job!"
Don't try and talk to her about it. That can only go sideways.
She reported you to HR for being friendly and nice to her! Think about that.
Yes, it's definitely about the gossip.
Did you talk to HR? Did they explain Exactly WHAT you did that was considered sexual harassment? Because I would be PISSED - LIVID if I was being nice and friendly and someone took that as me "hitting" on them. There has to be some kind of proof!
Secondly, I'd look for another job. This isn't going to be a good work environment for you.
If you can't find another job, keep your head down and leave that lady alone. Don't talk to her outside of talking work.
SHE ISN'T your friend.
Neither are ANY of the other managers.
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