A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My cousin who I was really close too, 3 years ago moved away to America and we haven’t seen each other in person since. We talk on the phone and Skype. A few months ago I got married- I gave everyone over a years notice but she was unable to attend due to work and other commitments which was really disappointing but I understood. She however kept hinting that we should have got married next year as she had less commitments and could come but my fiancé and I didn’t want to postpone it another year and we both thought it was odd her even mentioning something like that. Overall she seemed bitter about not being able to attend and made some odd comments which we ignored. She then decided she wanted to do a Skype call with me on my wedding morning before I left for church - obviously there’s the time difference so we agreed on a suitable time for me to call which I did but she didn’t answer - I made several attempts but in the end had to leave or I’d be late. She then had attempted to try me whilst I was at church but obviously I couldn’t answer. My mum had my phone and it was on silent. Whilst I was at my reception we Skyped and instead of congratulating me she started having a go at me for not talking to her that morning and for missing her Skype call (whilst I was in church)!!! I thought it was so inappropriate as she was the one who didn’t answer at first!! I was so surprised at her shouting at me which really upset me. Who shouts at a bride on her wedding day for something that wasnt even my fault?! I decided against confronting her about it. I went on honeymoon and had a nice time and didnt hear from her the entire time. When I got back I posted lots of honeymoon pictures, plus wedding photos too on Facebook. I had lots of “likes” but my cousin didn’t “like” or comment on anything which I found odd as she is very active on facebook and usually the first to comment on posts. I then was told by a couple of family members that my cousin was really upset with me for not talking on the morning of the wedding day. I explained exactly what happened that day and apparently my cousin had been telling everyone in our family a different version- she was telling them that I never called, I purposely then missed her call (maybe I should’ve stopped my church ceremony and answered her) and then apparently was rude to HER during my reception when we Skyped! Fortunately I had proof that I attempted calling her several times and my husband and 2 of my bridesmaids witnessed her shouting at me! Plus the time I “ignored” her call would show I was in church at the time! This made me so angry so i decided to email my entire family and set the record straight! Fortunately they all seemed to be on my side and had questioned her version of events. I then emailed my cousin separately and confronted her about her lies and behavior when we Skyped, I even forwarded the email I sent my family regarding her allegations. I never heard back from her- it’s been over a month, she’s removed me from Facebook.Just to clarify I wasn’t rude and I didn’t swear in my email, I just got to the point matter of factly- perhaps somewhat blunt. Now I do feel guilty- I understand she was upset being far away from us all and wanted to attend my wedding but couldn’t, however her lying about me and shouting at me was unacceptable. I feel I’m owed an apology. Do I contact her or just leave it and accept our friendship is over?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2024): The mistake you made was arranging to speak to her the morning before the wedding. It is making her too important, which is what she was after. And I am sure she was not too busy to come to the wedding, all that stuff about cannot come because of work and other commitments ! She is not the Queen of England who has her work schedule all arranged for a year or more. She is a very ordinary person who they would not miss. You would be either busy with work OR other things not both anyway. Things that could be rearranged or cancelled. You are a very nice and kind person but you were trying too hard to accommodate and believe her, so she took advantage and pushed and pushed to get more and more.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2024): Sounds like she was jealous and wanted all the attention for herself. It's totally unreasonable to expect you to drop everything in your wedding morning to speak to her or rearrange your wedding to suit her.
I think it's her problem. Removing you from Facebook might mean she doesn't want to see your posts or how happy you are.
If you want to remain friends you could tell her how YOU felt about her reaction and ask what made her react so strongly. Stock to your guns and don't live your life to suit others.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2024): I very much doubt that your cousin will ever be your friend and I am glad for you that she is living in another country..
She is trying to make a drama out of your special day but so far you haven't succumbed to the need to have a heart to heart with her.
It isn't needed. You have every right to be married and have a wedding without her permission.
It is incredibly controlling of her to try to emotionally hijack your wedding.
You really don't need contact with her so it is much better that you just get on with your life and leave her to find someone else to try to control.
None of what she has done is either kind of appropriate but you can move on and I wish you a very happy and peaceful life.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 June 2024):
 She is jealous and mad that she couldn't make it. And I guess she CHOSE to take it out on you.
Leave her be. Remove her from YOUR Facebook.
YOUR wedding day wasn't about her. She WANTED to make it about her.
Not wanting to postpone for 1 guest (even if it's a person you care deeply for) is understandable. Again, YOUR wedding is NOT about her!
I'd leave her be for a while. SHE needs to realize on her own that SHE owes you an apology.
Even IF you had refused to call her the morning before your wedding, that would have been OK! You could have been really busy with getting ready, helping family, friends, bridesmaids etc. You don't need to be at HER beck and call.
However, you DID try and call (which was nice) and SHE didn't reply. My guess is she didn't reply on purpose so she could be mad at you later!
I hope this statement were meant sarcastically
"(maybe I should’ve stopped my church ceremony and answered her"
Because ABSOLUTELY NO.
What kind of deranged person SCREAMS at a new bride on her wedding day?
Your cousin is a selfish TWAT!
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