A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hiya so i have my work christams-do coming up 2weeks friday and basicly i dont wanna go, theres only six of them going and one is related to me, im not realy a drinker and im told ther all bringing ther other halfs and boss brings his whole family, i hate crowded spaces i am very shy and get very anxious, nervous and self concious and i just dont wanna go... whats your advice? im told to make an effort cos he gives us bonuses and we all feal obliged to go but for me that just adds extra worrying about the situiation cos ther no excuses not to go but i also know i dont have to do anything i dont want to do... what can i do??? or any advice on how not to be selfconcious and shy?? (and that a mesurment of how much im worrying, i havent even been asked to go yet and its 2 weeks away and i have been dreading it since i started working here months ago. also i have no nails left) thanks ;)
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks very much for replying, its at the local pub 6 of us are going like i said in my op and ones a relative, its usualky a dinner party at a restruant but last year (i wasnt working ther) one of our staff got caught doign cocaine in the toliet -_- and roped some other people into it thank fully it wasnt my relative (uncle)....(so he says..........) and so the boss only does small 'partys' wich should be idele for me but it isnt , ill just have to brave it out i might enjoy it after a couple of drinks?? then se a doctor or summat.... thanks again
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2011): I'm the same dude, very self concious, plus there's the fact that all these guys are into football and i couldn't care less about it. My solution was that i'm just not going on our Christmas do.. But if you are obliged to go i would reccomend trying to find some common ground to break the ice, if you concentrate on the conversation the nerves should subside...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2011): It sounds to me like you have a degree of social anxiety anyway, but that this Christmas party is bringing it very much into focus and now you are panicking.You could either a. Not go at all, either by giving a genuine reason - "I'm too shy" - or by lying and saying, for example that you are ill. Or b. You could go for a limited time only - say, the first hour or two hours. Or c. You could go to the whole thing but have a plan for how to deal with it as best as you can.One thing that might help you a bit is to distance yourself emotionally from it and try to treat it simply like a task that you have been asked to do and which you will have to do many, many times in life after this. In that way, you can start to get a 'handle' on the situation. If people are there with their partners it might feel difficult because you won't be with anyone. So if you have a friend then take one with you. Conversely, if these people are even remotely nice, and if you have not been horrible to them, they will realise that you are alone and will give you a bit of help by chatting to you. What kind of party will it be? A dinner and then drinks? Or just drinks? It will make a difference whether you can literally walk around or not. Sometimes it is actually easier to be sitting at a dinner table because you can just make the other person the focus of attention - ask them lots about theirself without being nosy and show your admiration of them even in small ways. But also offer some information about yourself because people get a bit freaked out if you only ask things. If it is the kind where you are expected to mingle and just have drinks and so on, you might consider going for the first hour and in your head thinking "okay" I must spend 10 minutes talking with each person that I work with and then go. If you haven't sent out Xmas cards, take each person a card and go up to them and give them the card. This will be your introduction to having a little chat with them. Ask them what their Xmas plans are and what they hope to get for Xmas. You can mentally tick off each one after you have chatted with them. And if you don't want to stay after that you can leave after you have chatted to all of them, saying you have another party that you just can't get out of. You don't have to be perfect at it, the point is that you are practicing for the future for when you are older and some other young person is standing in your shows and you can be kind to them. Many people understand how tricky it can be when you are young and, conversely, others just can't be bothered to make much effort to help. It is just the way that they are and NOT a reflection on you - again, the point is to just make some effort and you WILL get better at doing it. It took me personally some years to get the knack of this and several times embarassing myself by drinking to cover my nerves - don't get drunk!!! - and I was worse than you I think in the beginning but now am absolutely fine. It really is one of those practice makes perfect things and you are just at the beginning of that learning curve so it will feel harder at first maybe. Also, don't expect that much - depending on the company, not all office Xmas parties are ever going to be any fun at all - so just try to add a little pleasant amount of your presence there and that's all. If your anxiety is an ongoing problem then you might want to see your G.P. and get recommended for cognitive behavioural therapy, which is excellent for helping you to find ways to combat anxiety.Good luck!
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (9 December 2011):
 I can understand your anxiety when it comes to social functions. It can be a very nerve-wracking experience for someone who suffers from anxiety.
Is there a friend you take? Someone that you'll be comfortable with? That way you can make an appearance then leave whenever you feel you've had enough.
Or to quietly tell your boss that you don't feel comfortable going due to your anxiety. If that's even feasible.
However if none of that is an option, then I suggest not going. It's better than going and suffering from a potential panic attack.
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