A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my bf of four years about five months ago. We had a volatile relationship on both ends and even though I loved him, I was glad it was over. I felt free again. I started dating someone new about six weeks ago and we get on really well. We see each other once a week due to living 200 miles away from each other but I'm happy with this arrangement as I want to take things slowly.Just recently, my ex has been back in touch saying he misses me, he loves me and still can't get over me.Today I did a foolish thing and went to see him. I could tell he was upset at seeing me and he asked if we could try again. He's changed in so many ways since I left that I almost found myself saying yes....but I didn't. The spark between us had long gone but I am wondering whether it could be rekindled. I'm feeling so confused right now. I don't know if I'm in love with him and I don't know if I ever was. Of course I loved him, but not like that. I just feel like I owe it to him to give our relationship another try because he's made so many positive changes in his life but I don't know whether I'd be trying again out of guilt or whether I actually want to. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for your response.
I guess I knew deep down that going back would be a mistake, I just wanted to hear someone else say it.
I can't help feeling guilty though, he lives alone and doesn't see much of his family and when we were together I was all he had. I let him keep my dog for company even though I miss her so much. I just can't imagine us being together in the future so I suppose I'm doing the right thing by not getting back with him.
Thanks again!
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (4 September 2014):
 You do seem confused but the 'giveaway' was the feeling of freedom you say you felt after your break-up. That tells me you felt less than free whilst involved and no one should feel that way when they are in a good relationship, ergo, I'd err on the side of caution and recommend you stay apart. To get back with someone that made you feel constrained will only end in more confusion, Good Luck ad Malama Pono(take care of yorself).
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (4 September 2014):
Remember you broke up for a reason. You said yourself this relationship is volatile.
You need to cut all ties with him. You have moved on and you yourself stated you are in a happier place. You going back would be at a moment of weakness, not love. You stated you love him but not that way anymore. Don't torture you and him. Cut the ties. He to will find the happiness that you both deserve.
Good Luck!
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