A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I see a lot of this "boyfriend/husband watches porn" topic on on here. So what's the deal when he says he's never been interested in porn, you've been together 3 years, living together for 2, and maybe had sex a total of 10 times--no, it wasn't frequent even in the beginning of our relationship, and no I have NEVER denied him--and then I come home from work to find porn on the computer? (He thought he turned the computer off.) I did feel like he was cheating on me, and he said he understood. I'm giving him a chance to change things around; we're both trying to work on things. He agreed to go to a counselor as well. I guess I just don't understand how he has no interest in sex but he's on the computer and masturbating. He claims he goes on "once in a while" and when I asked him if he's done it when I'm home, he said "Maybe once or twice". I haven't been laid in almost a year, if not longer. I am curious if anyone thinks it could have to do with the fact that I am only his second serious relationship (he's 39) and he lived at home with his parents until he bought our house 2 years ago. I'm looking for as many opinions as I can get, because I DO want to get married and have kids, and I don't want to waste time if this is a problem that can't be solved.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (20 June 2010):
 This definitely sounds like a classic addiction and it sounds like he was addicted long before you were together by the fact that you've never had a good sex life together and that he hasn't had much experience besides you and one other relationship. If he's agreed to go to counseling, that's the first big step. It can be solved, but only if HE wants it to be. If he does it's going to be a long process with relapses and pain, but if he has the will you guys can get through it. Other than being diligent about counseling, the number one thing I've heard addicts say helps it to put a parental lock on the computer that only YOU have the password (make sure it's something he won't know). Also on the cable box since there's pay per view. Take away the temptation. However, if he doesn't want to change, he won't and you should move on.
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