A
female
age
36-40,
*hitoutofluck
writes:i need advice...bad! i have been with my boyfriend for two years now and we have been through alot together and still have remained in a relationship. things were going to so well but then i kissed another girl. you see i am bi. but this isn't the only thing that has happend. i have dulled down telling him things from the past to make it easier. i have always felt that if he cheated i don't want to know unless it means something to him, but he doesn't think the same way. i feel still young and like i want to experience more though i know i am in love with him, but everytime we sit down to talk everything out, almost always ending it, we end up staying together. i know i need to let him know how i feel, that i need more time before i feel as though i am trapped into a marriage of a relationship at the age of 24, i am not ready for what he wants, and i think that is commitment until he does marry me. the thing is though, is that he is about to move in with me, now this wasn't my plan, i thought i was going to have time alone, some much needed time alone. but then after he decided to move home and save money and leave town, he got a job offer so now he is going to be staying with me for awhile, and he hasn't specified for how long of how often. i dont want to tell him about this thing with this girl because it was nothing really other than a kiss and flirty dancing, but i dont want him to find out about it any other way. also i dont want to hurt him over nothing. my question is i guess, do i tell him how i feel about my need for space and my underlying feeling of wanting to experience more? or do i keep it all to myself because he needs me right now, for a home and of course companionship? and i really dont want to hurt him...but after writing this it seems kind of obvious that i should tell him, i just dont want to leave him homeless when he is finally moving forward in his career. i really think it would fuck that up and him at an important time. help!
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (29 April 2010):
 After reading your followup, I wanted to ask a question. You said you need time to experience, and you're not looking for commitment, is that true, or is it that based on your past you're afraid of what being committed may look like?
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (29 April 2010):
Why not be honest and give him a short time place to stay? Dating for two years, you two must have a friendship as well. Come to an agreement of where your relationship lies. But whether you keep going, but a little more open, or not, if he does stay with you, don't flaunt the experience in front of him. It's one thing to agree to be more open, it's another thing to see the one you love with someone else, even if agreed upon.
so I think if you devise the plan of telling hims, and preserving your friendship, both can happen.
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (29 April 2010):
 No need to tell him about the kiss, but you do need to tell him that you're not ready for the same level of commitment he is. If you don't tell him now, when are you going to tell him? Ten years from now when you're married and having affairs because you feel stifled? Do the adult thing and end it now. If he's doing well in his career, he can find another place to live; whether or not he lets the break up fuck up his career is up to him. Yes, it will hurt him, but you'll hurt him more if you continue to be dishonest about what you're feeling.
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A
female
reader, shitoutofluck +, writes (29 April 2010):
shitoutofluck is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno, it has happened before. i have a hard time saying no. you see, i have a hard time letting anyone too close, i was mollested as a young girl and kind of am f***ed up over it. i have made an appointment earlier for a therapist but i mean it has happend before and on a bigger scale then i allowed myself to tell him.
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A
male
reader, viscabarca +, writes (29 April 2010):
If it happened once and it was just a kiss it was nothing. Why tell him? It is just going to hurt him and push him away.
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