A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I'm in my early thirties and still haven't met the love of my life. I've had quite a few short term relationships (weeks/months) but nothing that you would consider serious I don't know why this is the case. I've had my heart broken a few times aswell and its taken me ages to get over these occasions like I get obsessed with the guys that have finished with me. I'm just worried that I'm going to end up some old, lonely spinster with only a cat for company!!!My friends can't believe I'm single cuz they think I'm really attractive. Its not that I'm choosy, I just don't seem to meet that many single men or men that I am attracted to. The men that I do meet are either players or I just don't feel any chemistry with them. In my office the guys are too young or married. It's hard to get out to bars cause my girlfriends have all got husbands and babies now. I tried intenet dating but I feel you need to meet someone in person to get a feel about them and I didn't really trust the people I was chatting to.I was wondering if many people out there had met someone later in life and whether there is hope for me yet!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): Yes, there is hope for you. The world has enormous, endless possibilities, dear. But first, it's time for a self-assessment quiz here...lol Give us a rundown of your personality. Are you positive? Happy? Confident? Are you friendly, are you a good conversationalist? Do you smile, laugh sincerely, or look scared/nervous when men talk to you? Are you unapproachable, cool and reserved? Or are you coming off too needy and desperate.? Do you have a full life of your own, career, money, your own place, do you have a car, a lot of good friends?
You talk about obssessing. What does that mean exactly? Do you get way too fixated on these men who have dumped you? Sounds like you get to worked up over a guy's potential rather than the guy. Do you find it hard to just move on and carry on with life. It is for a lot of us. Just relax and realize that all over the world, people are dumping each other and moving on. This is reality of life. So you need to strengthen up in that dept.
Good, quality men are out there, looking for women who have enriched lives and have blessed themselves with their own empowerment. When dating, empowerment is being really comfortable with who you are. Empowerment is knowing, that if someone your interested in doesn't ask you out...it's his loss, not yours. You have the 'balls and strength' to move on from there and you say to yourself "next'!! And finally empowerment in the dating world is understanding the game. You don't want to catch a man, you want him to catch you...plain and simple. Always never be afraid to set boundaries about what behaviors you will accept, in a potential date. If you want him to pick you up, tell him and do not accept 'no' for an answer. Men have no trouble setting boundaries so why shouldn't females. So many females get sooo swoony, they give up everything, including their integrity and self-pride, the minute he flashes his baby blues at her. Keep that under control, hun.
My suggestion, is to remember that men view the dating game as a sport. They love to pursue. So get out there and be seen by as many single guys as you can. Go bowling, go dancing with the girlfriends, concerts, join a sports club, bookstores, librarys, grocery stores...they are everywhere. And when you meet a great guy, don't be desperate to date him. Let him be the initiator, don't be in his face. Do not...I repeat sit by the phone and wait for him to call..let him think you have a full life. Date other men, if you want. That's your perogative. Men do the same thing. But select wisely and the best piece of advice...go sloowly. Don't be hasty to jump into the sack nad have sex, too soon...make him work darn for you...let him woo you...after all you are worth it,! It's all attitude, hun. And don't forget, dear...have a blast!
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (19 February 2008):
 Hi,
Just a suggestion. What do you girlfriends think of the guys you met? Ask them for an honest assessment.
I have a girlfriend in her mid 30's, beautiful, intelligent but she is attracted to arseholes. One after the other she picks the same type (controlling self absorbed arseholes who treat her like dirt ) we get introduced to these guys and it's like they get made at the same factory - they are all the same.
I'm telling this story as you appear to be in a similar situation, I can't believe at your age you have only meet men who are unsuitable unless there is some attraction to this type of man ( albeit subconsiously ). So maybe its time to totally revamp what you look for in a man, there are plenty of single men in their 30's out there who want commitment( more so than men in their 20's that's for sure )it's just a case of finding them.
With internet dating, isnt the whole idea that you will meet them in person? I wouldnt give up on this just yet. It's true there are a lot of married men who pose as single but I think it should be easy to weed these types out. For a start if someone won't give you his home phone number it generally means he has someone waitng for him there.
Anyway good luck.
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (19 February 2008):
 Hi there...
First of, its always a good exercise to examine yourself and the reasons for so short term relationships. Sometimes there might be something in our past or they way we signify relationships that might damage our perspectives of love and so our chances of meeting a good partner or staying with him/her.
If you do that and find something then take the time to work with it, don't dismiss it rapidly. If you don't then just get to do new hobbies where you can meet someone, take up dancing or cooking or something you really like. Most probably you'll meet someone.
I met my fiance online about a year and a half ago and he had never had a girlfriend, he is now 34... so... there's always time!
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