A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ladies,I am a 29 year old man who is trying to get better at meeting women, that is, selecting perfect strangers as candidates for romantic or sexual relationships, and pursuing those relationships. I want to approach a large number of women based on a fairly superficial assessment of them and then get to know them. In other words, I want to pick her out based on how she looks and keep her based on who she is. I don't want to limit myself to coworkers, friends of friends, etc. when there are so many fascinatingly beautiful women everywhere I go.Think back on the advances ("moves") that men have made on you in the past. I'm talking about men that you knew not at all or only on a superficial level. I'm talking about asking for your phone number, or asking for a date, or a purely sexual advance, or flirting, or even just striking up a conversation--anything where the man's motivation was clearly an attraction to you, and his interests were romantic or sexual.1) How are the men and their advances that made you happy similar to each other?2) How are the men and their advances that made you unhappy (or creeped you out) similar to each other?3) Have you ever felt like you have tried and failed to communicate welcoming or rejecting feelings toward a man who had made an advance on you?4) Have you ever wanted to communicate welcoming feelings, but did not try to do so? If so, what stopped you?
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co-worker, flirt Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010): There you have it, sir. Honest testimony from several females explaining that the guys who always seem to get lucky just mysteriously happen to 'have this aura about them that just draws people in' or 'more often than not it's just chemistry which is there or it isn't'.
Ergo, absolutely nothing to do with your good looks/lack of good looks, or the general impression of success and 'confidence' you convey or fail to convey. Nothing counts except your personality, and girls' perception of your 'personality' will not be influenced in any way shape or form by how hot/manly/rich/sexy/fit/devilish you appear.
So it's simple: 'Just go out and go and tell a girl she looks really lovely and ask if you can give her your number'...erm, to be honest, not an approach I'd recommend if you look like the back of a bus and have a shuffling nervous disposition. But it stands a great chance of working if you look like a film star and have that magical X-factor they call 'confidence' (as if this was an entirely accidental personality trait wholly unrelated to your looks, on-the-surface attractiveness and general demeanour).
I'm aware that you wanted answers exclusively from women, but this overlooks the possibility that women's honest, genuine, heartfelt attempts to answer your question accurately from a first-person perspective may not fully take account of, or even be aware of, the extent to which they are subconsciously influenced by subjective notions of 'attractiveness' in the male who happens to be doing the pursuing.
Best of luck mate
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2010): Personally, I tend to go for very charming, charismatic types. They're funny, smart, and have this aura about them that just draws people in.
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A
female
reader, Anonny  +, writes (13 April 2010):
There are no rules and regulations - it's all just about chemistry - and how you feel deep inside!!
In the past I have turned down good looking men cause I wasn't ready for a relationship and I have turned down ugly men for the same reason!!
But the men I have wanted wasn't because of their looks - (although looks can help) it was all about whether we hit it off and felt something for each other!!
Oh - also a sense of humour goes a long way to winning a girl!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2010): Uhm the best thing is a guy who seems outgoing, and happy and chatty but not overly flirty... also acting like you are trying to get with a girl is a BIG turn off...
corny chat up lines are bad, really bad....
offering to buy me a drink is best if in a pub/club....
Dont butt into conversations, i hate it when guys do that when im out for a drink wiht friends...
Im trying to think what else... but mostly just be yourself and be friendly and not overly cocky or act like youre showing off... :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2010): Original poster here. Look, you women have been approached by random guys, right? And some were good and some were bad, right? So what's the difference? That's all I'm asking.
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A
female
reader, rambini +, writes (13 April 2010):
 you need to stop planning it and analysing it like its a rocket launch. just be yourself, be cheerful, open and friendly but not too pushy and dont invade their personal space. offer to buy her a drink, ask her a question, pay her a compliment, just be yourself and the right girls will respond.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (13 April 2010):
Sweetie, to be honest, this reads like a critical analysis or a scientific experiment.
That has got to be the biggest turn off for girls ever.
Just go out and go and tell a girl she looks really lovely and ask if you can give her your number.
Good Luck!! xx
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