A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Girls always tell me that I'm attractive, funny and smart -- I'm in university doing chemistry/physics, but I always feel so stupid whenever I get involved with a girl.I really liked this girl, and I slept with her a few times a few weeks ago. I spent ~2 months getting to know her... Trust me, I didn't have to wait a week. She really enjoyed herself, if you catch my drift, but after calling me a "great lay" she just walked off into the distance, no longer interested in me in that way. She said that she just wanted to get it out of her system. This constantly happens to me; girls really seem keen to sleep with me/have a "fling", but I'd kill to just go to a movie, go to dinner, etc.I've tried being the aggressor (getting girls) and being more laid back (letting girls come to me), no difference. I've tried not sleeping with them, but they usually say that just mades them frustrated and disinterested. This makes zero sense to me -- isn't it men that are meant to be like this? I want a long term relationship, but no mater what I do I can only seem to find girls interested in sex. After a bit of prying, the girl I liked (above) actually said to me, more or less verbatim: you're very charming, but not "boyfriend material"; lucky for you, you're nice to look at. I also inferred: thank god you finally slept with me, I was getting bored. So the only reason she hung around with me for 2 months...is because....I'm nice to look at? ...Makes me so irate...I hope this doesn't sound like false modesty, but I really don't think I'm that good-looking.I'm really angry and fed up at this happening to me constantly. This is about the 4th time this year.I don't even have college party one night standsI just want a serious, long term relationship...Why do I keep finding shallow girls and/or bringing out the shallow in girls?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm flattering myself with the idea I'm THAT good-looking -- of course I'm not. Not ugly, but I'm certainly no Brad Pitt.
Tisha-1, you're advice/view(s) seems really accurate. I know...this is a bit vulgar...that I'm making them orgasm...the last girl had a bit of a "tell," if you catch my drift. There must be something I'm doing wrong though, you're right; I'm just lost as to what...maybe it's emotional and not physical?
Maybe I just don't know how to pick them...clearly not.
Anyway, thanks all!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2011): You are obviously going for the wrong type of girls. There are plenty of good, nice girls out there who are also looking for a serious relationship. Just give it time. It is really a matter of luck. You still haven't met the right girl, that's all. In the meantime, enjoy getting laid. Most guys would kill to be in your position.
If you are really that good looking, girls are either thinking they have no chance with you because you are out of their league or they are thinking a guy like you can't possibly be faithful because many girls must be chasing you.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (13 November 2011):
 Don't have sex until you are officially boyfriend/girlfriend. Pretty basic, something we'd probably tell a girl in your situation.
If you want to be in a relationship, don't settle for casual sex. If you are having sex and you don't have the official label and have done "the talk" and have discussed STD risks and what would happen if there's an unintended pregnancy, then you are getting into bed too fast.
I like Janniepeg's suggestion that if this is happening to you often, then it's not the girls at fault, it's your choice of them.... basically, YOU are the one making the choice and the selection.
An alternate theory is that there is something that you do or don't do in bed that they don't like and they run away after that first encounter. A girl might fob you off with "you're a great lay" when in fact she's thinking the opposite.
If you remain friendly with any of these girls, you might ask why you weren't relationship material for them. If all of them answer that they were just after a fling, then you made very poor choices in your dating.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (12 November 2011):
 Whenever I see questions to be generalizing, I want to ask, how many of these "women" have you experienced? When the number is greater than 6, then I would say the problem is you. You have just as much power to decline casual sex. It does not make you less manly. Just say you are not interested in meaningless, junk food sex. I had been that way, when I was hurt and bitter with men. When you are out in the market, you have to realize that it is a pool full of disenfranchised men and women who are either in and out of relationships, impatient to love and to be loved, and wanting to feel in control. The right girl is worth the wait. If you want to bring out the depth out of an outwardly shallow girl, simply ask if she is happy with what she is doing. This is a rhetorical question. A woman who wants to get sex out of her system can't be that happy with life, that's my opinion. If it's her choice to stay that way then it's time to move on.
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (12 November 2011):
It is called charisma. You apparently have it.
I think you need to wait longer to have sex with girls you like. If they lose interest because you won't sleep with them, then they were only after sex in the first place.
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