A
male
age
41-50,
*igerydoo
writes:Hi,I am a man and I'm pretty sure I am bi. I am sexually attracted to both men and women but I am only romantically interested in women.I'm at a point in my life when I really want a long term monogamous relationship with a woman. I went out with a girl for about 3 weeks recently. I had told her I was bi from the start which she said she didn't have a problem with.She then ended it because she was not ready for dating after having a run-in with her ex. We are still in contact as friends. I did really fall for her though and I kind of feel that me being bi had something to do with her ending it. But she did tell me it didn't and if people don't accept you for who you are the they are not worth knowing which is pretty good advice I guess (this is why I like her so much, she is very understanding!).My question is, is it best to be completely honest from the outset? In my experience most women run a mile from bi men. I can understand women feeling like this, I'm sure most women would prefer a straight guy.I'm not interested in a romantic relationship with a man at all and I think it's very difficult to explain this to women. Once they hear the word bi I think a lot of women immediately think gay which is not the same thing.I've never been that confident anyway and this barrier doesn't help in forming relationships.I don't expect to get all the answers on here but a friendly ear would be good or to hear of similar experiences.Thanks for you time, S
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2008): Yes most definetly because I am a woman who just found out my best friends Bi, and realized he had feelings for me. I also share the feeling sback and am just about to approach him with it well on the lengths of a story to let him know if he doesn't think anyone loves him, someone has just was afraid herself to acknowledge that until now. I was very touched by your story.
Carolyn
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2008): I can understand where your coming from.I am also Bi and I am married.My wife did not find out about my bisexuality until after we were married. She did not take it well, and although i too an mot interested in men romantically she does not understand it.She objects any bisexual activity and even tries to forbid me from talking to any friends i had that are bi or gay.It has been very difficult and although we are talking about it more it doesn't seem like she will ever be comfortable with it. I do love her but it is very difficult to neglect my sexual urges towards men. Perhaps in time she will accept it but I don't think there are any women out there that are truly accepting of male bisexuality.
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A
male
reader, digerydoo +, writes (24 November 2007):
digerydoo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, it's good to hear from someone who is the same as me. I agree with everything you say.
I will continue to be honest from the outset although I do take the point that it's probably not best thing to tell a date immediately.
I'm certainly not going to live a lie like I'm sure a lot of men do.
Thanks everyone, S
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2007): I am in exactly the same boat as you. I am bi, I am married and there was times that I thought maybe I am gay, but I know now for sure that I am bi, because even if me and my wife split up, heavens forbid, then I can't see myself in a relationship with a man. It is something that you can't explain to anyone else. I believe that you should be as honest as possible about things like this from the word go and if you do find a woman that understands then you know you are allright.
My wife says she is alright with it, as we love each other dearly, but sometimes I just feel the urge to have sex with a man and I won't do without her approval. Just because I am bi, does not mean I am going to cheat. You cheat because you are a cheater, no matter what your sexuality. Honesty is the best policy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2007): Well, to tell you the truth, I think the problem is that when you tell your date about your sexuality in the beginning, it causes a lot of problems, which is why i suggest that you wait until you are certain that this person will accept it. But that's what I think.
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A
female
reader, hugs2muchgal  +, writes (14 October 2007):
 Be honest from the begginning. A woman who can't accept that about you isn't worth dating. My boyfriend told me he was bi when we were just friends and now we've been dating over a year and a half and everything is great. He knows I don't care, and any woman good enough for you won't care either.
You being bi doesn't make a girl less trusting of you, it just means that she has even more competetion (in her eyes. For me personally I see it as being no big deal. My boyfriend isn't attracted to his male OR female friends, just me. As long as you find an unbiased and trustful woman, and let her know she is the only one you are interested in (assuming this is true), the bi thing won't even cross your mind as an issue.
Best of Luck,
Hugs
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A
male
reader, digerydoo +, writes (13 October 2007):
digerydoo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the advice. I didn't think of it in that way.
I think what you are saying is that it's a trust issue. A girlfriend of mine would have to trust me in what ever company I keep but I would only have to trust her in the company of other men (assuming she is straight).
I will keep being honest but it looks like it will take while to find a girl who understands.
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A
female
reader, leanne.od +, writes (13 October 2007):
 Okay, when you go out, with your mates, do you expect a girl to be all okay with the fact you are bi going out with guy mates. would you be okay with your girl spending time with men? girls are difficult to understand and the female mind works in a weird but wonderful way. being honest is commendable but unfortunatley girls are insecure without the thought of being dumped for a guy.
you'll find someone who cares and won't mind your sexuality, it's not a big deal, it just takes a certain person to understand.
best of luck.
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