A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Two years ago I found out my husband were having an email/emotional affair. Since... we have been working on our marriage. With this said I still do not trust my husband; and I probably never will. But 32+ years, adult children, and grandkids - I've decided that to try and make the marriage survive is what I want to do and so does my husband. Ok... so I still don't trust him. Beause I have been able to get into his email I've been able to see that there is this woman who works for him seasonal, one month out of the year. I've seen emails from her to him. It appears that he never responds back. Her emails are deleted... so, my question is this. Her emails most often express her concern and disappointment that he never answers/replies back to her. She says things like "are you mad at me???!!!" "I've sent you many emails and you never reply back to me!!!!" she bcc him on some which makes me think that she doesn't want the others she sends the email to that she doesn't want them to know that she also sends my husband the same email... Her emails sound to me like she is coming on to him; and he sounds to me like he's just deleting them and trying to do the right thing by not communicating with another woman by email. We have gotten in fights about this because I think he should do something! But what? He says she doesn't mean anything more than to be friendly but that because of how I feel about him emailing with any woman, that he just deletes them. So when I see an email from her and I see that he hasn't replied and it has been deleted and then I see her emails asking why he doesn't ever email her back? I believe that he really isn't communicating with her. So what do you think? Because I "did find him having an email/emotional affair back 2 years ago" this is why I am still looking in his emai which btw... he doesn't know that I have figured out his password to do this... So what do you think??? Oh... I know.... I shouldn't be looking in his email. But when you have trust issues; this is what happens when you found out 2 years ago that a husband were having an email/emotional affair. It makes a broken heart do these strange things. I just need to know what others think by her emails of sounding like he should be responding back to her... Thanks!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): I personally think that this woman and your hb have pulled the wool over your eyes. You are so focused on the emails but what about his movements. I think they have plotted this, she will send emails and he will not respond. You get a false sense of security and that's it. In the meanwhile they are still at it and you are still the fool.Time for a reality check . This woman is even more of a threat now than ever before. Your hb is not truthful and he is hiding his affair from you.The emails are just to send you on a false trail.Be wise and start looking at this affair afresh. You need to tell your hb he needs to make a decision: either you or his lover.LoveGirl
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAfter seeing the A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2010): She suggests she believes my husband "is having an affair" but has become wiser in not to leave paper trails... OK, so I see that just today she emails him and ask "you alright??!!" "you ok??!!" - So... I want to send her an anonymous email and let her know that it isn't appropriate to be emailing married men - but I don't want to do this cause "what if, I am wrong..." and she is just too dumb to understand that my husband is truly too busy at work to be doing anything more than work related email... But, I just don't know, really. I want to do something, though? Any suggestions?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd she is still e-mailing him!!! Saw one tonight as she is asking him "are you doing ok??!!" You alright??!!"
What does this sound like to you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2010): I have experience in this. My partner of 17 years had an emotional affair with someone at his workplace 2 years ago. It was a dreadful experience. One which left a broken marriage which we only just managed to rebuild. I lost complete trust in my husband. He has had to earn that back over the years.I think you know the answer to your question. Why is this woman emailing your husband in that personal manner? I think you need to stop thinking about him and what he may or may not be doing and ask youself some hard questions. What do YOU want for your future? None of us are getting any younger. Life is fragile and precious and you cannot live it to its fullest looking over your shoulder. You sound as though you have a lovely extended family, with children and grandchildren. Give them all your love, time, hugs and support. Leave him behind. He'll soon notice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2010): If she keeps expecting him to email her back, you gotta wonder why. Obviously she must be receiving encouragement from somewhere....I think he is responding to her all right, just not by e-mail....he may have learned his lesson from his previous infidelity alright - how to not get caught. So with this woman he may be carrying on with her but knows that email leaves a paper trail (as do cell phone calls and texts) thus maybe he only carries on with her in private face to face which only further encourages her which is why she is emailing him.
if there's truly nothing going on and he thinks it is trivial, the fact that it concerns you - his wife - makes me think that he should do something to stop it to give you peace of mind. Whether or not he thinks it's necessary, he should do it out of consideration for you because he knows it really bothers you. Especially since he has had a history of infidelity all the more if he is truly honest and sincere about rebuilding your marriage he should do this now. How hard would it be for him to just ask her to stop writing him, if there's truly nothing going on? Thus, the fact that he's doing nothing seems suspicious.
I think he is having an affair with her but is trying to cover it up by not responding to her emails and doesn't want to tell her to stop emailing him for fear it will make her think he wants to end the affair.
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