A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a lesbian and a few months back I joined a lesbian dating site. Shortly thereafter a member contacted me and expressed an interest in me. I was impressed with how she presented herself, what she conversated about. I have since taken a fond liking of her. I have however occassionally felt a little uneasy about her inconsistent behavior and availability. I often felt she was hiding something from me and I even asked her on a few occassions if perhaps she preferred we cease contact and she always assured me "no" and that her inconsistent behavior was purely my imagination because she was very much interested in me. This never set well with me. Well low and behold, I just found out that she's married to a man and is actually bisexual. I'm disgusted and not because she is bisexual but because she has outright lied to me and strung me along with blatant deceit, not giving me the initial choice to flow along. Why are some people so unethical, deceitful, manipulative, inconsiderate, callous, selfish and fake? I am disgusted with that pathetic childish girl. Should I confront her before I dispose of her? I'm fortunate I found out sooner than later but I'm livid that I invested my valuable time on that low-life, classless, childish, deceitful winch. Had she been honest with me from the beginning, she would have still had me as a friend at the minimum but now nothing. I do not allow evil people in my life. Their toxicity is poison and will destroy you. How should I confront that venemous creature?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2013): she may be seperated even though she is still technically married . i have seen many situations like this . do u know 100% she isnt seperated while still being married ?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2013): I would let her know then immediately cut all contact with her. If she's this disrespecting of you now imagine how worse she'll be later. I bet you're not the only person she has done this to or is doing to. She's not someone to be trusted and she's more than likely being dishonest with her husband as well. You need a hero and not that scheming zero. Kick that vulgar devil to the curb with the quickness.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (12 February 2013):
 I've experienced this crap one too many times. It's ridiculous if you ask me. Why people can't just be normal and honest, I have no idea.If i were you, i'd send her a message and tell her you found out she's been lying. Call her out and then let her know you will never be contacting her again. Then move on.Dating sites, at least in America, seem to be a haven for crazy people. Maybe that's just been my experience, but i've only met one, maybe two normal, sane people in a sea of insanity. good luck!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 February 2013):
 what will "confronting her" do for you? for her?
she lied.
that's so very wrong. I assume not only is she lying to you, that she's lying to her husband as well.
people are unethical and deceitful because they can get away with it.
A great example:
my now ex husband was told by me to find someone to play with (we were in an open marriage)... he went on a dating site and found a lady.... HE LIED TO HER and told her he was separated. HE LIED TO ME and told me that she was married and in the lifestyle... because he KNEW that I would ream him a new one and rat him out had I known he lied to her....
WHEN she found out... did she kick him to the curb? NO... she FORGAVE HIM and married him.... so when he lies to her again or cheats on her... who does she have to blame? NO ONE BUT HERSELF... for giving him a pass and permission to mis-treat her...
that's why folks do it... because so many folks will forgive and forget and let them do it over and over...
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (12 February 2013):
Dear OP,I can understand your anger. Yes, she's been very deceptive and fake.But you know what? I bet this woman is "pathetic, childish, unethical" etc. because she is not only lying to you, but to herself as well. She's the one who obviously has a problem with her sexuality and marriage. Being married to a man but joining a lesbian dating site.. obviously there's something going wrong in her life.I don't mean to excuse her. I just want to say that I think her behaviour is rather motivated by her own doubts and problems than a serious will to hurt you and to destroy you. Sure you have every right to be angry, but maybe it helps to restore your faith in humanity, knowing that people who hurt you often hurt themselves as well. She surely can't be a happy person, being married and chatting with others at the same time, pretending she's someone who she's not. Ditch her and be happy you did so before she could break your heart. I am sure you will find someone nicer who's up for a real relationship. If you want confrontation.. well, I'd write a message. Not too emotional and angry, it can come across as irrational. Rather in a cold tone and make it clear you cut contact because you're very disappointed in her.As sarcy24 suggests, being less confrontational and taking an interest in her motives might give you more closure, especially if you really cared for her. But of course, the trust is gone and it wouldn't work out between you two, I guess, not even as a friendship.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 February 2013):
 You ask: "...Why are some people so unethical, deceitful, manipulative, inconsiderate, callous, selfish and fake?"
Heck... for us guys, that's second nature. I detect that you are surprised to find the same thing (those guy-like attributes) in a woman-friend..... That's life.....
P.S. If you really like this woman... I recommend that you consider giving her a "pass" on this deceit-by-omission" and see if you'd like to continue corresponding with her......
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Read-the-signs  +, writes (12 February 2013):
Is confronting her going to purge you of your anger?
I don't think any kind of unseemly showdown will do any good and you might even end up making a fool of yourself.
My advice: keep super cool and just ditch her. Then let time take it's course for you to move on. That way your dignity is still intact.
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A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (12 February 2013):
 Oh gosh this must have come as a shock to you and I am sorry you have been hurt. I think the thing with dating sites is that not everyone is honest and above board. Often you find people just looking for a fling, still married and always well above the age on their photograph. It is a shame she could not have been honest and upfront with you but I suspect she really liked you and thought she would lose you if you knew the truth. She probably thought that if she got to know you and then the truth came out she stood more of a chance of being able to explain herself or to be able to turn you around to understand why she did it. I don't think it would do any harm to ask her her motives as long as you can do it in a calm manner. In the past when I have been caught out I have always responded more truthfully if I have been approached in a nice non judgemental manner even though I was the guilty one. I suspect as I have already stated it was that she liked you and thought she would lose you if you found out the truth. Stay calm and let the anger dissipate a little before you contact her.
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