A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I had been going out for 8 months and yesterday she decided to break up with me. We'd been extremely close friends leading up to the relationship and she still felt like my friend during. I know that I love her. There are so many things about her that I can't explain or describe to you but I have never noticed them in anybody else. She said that she loved me. She used to tell me often. She would text me just to tell me she loved me and that she wanted to be with me as long as was possible and I felt the same. I know she loved me back. There's been a lot of shit in her life that she has trusted me with such as depression and eating disorders. During the time we were together, both of us were happier than either of us had ever been before. Her reason for breaking up with me was that her feelings changed. She said it was just her instinct to end it and that I can move on and be happy with someone else. When I asked her if she still loved me she said yes but not as intensely and with more uncertainty. I know I still love her and she knows I do. I know that it can't necessarily last forever as this was my first serious relationship but I know that we still had so much going for us. We've both still got another 2 years of school left together and I know that we could have spent that time happy together. I always told myself that it would be ok to break up at the end of that because it would be mutual and we know it can't continue. We hadn't had sex yet because she wanted to wait a bit but we both definitely wanted our first time to be with each other and we have experimented together without penetration. She was my motivation for everything and whenever I was down or stuck with something, thinking of her was what gave me the motivation to be happy and to try hard. She says she is sorry and wants to remain friends and while I am happy to do that because I don't want to lose her completely, I still love her. She said I was the best boyfriend she has ever had and that the time we spent together was perfect and that it was her and not my fault. Am I supposed to spend every day for the next 2 years seeing her around school and imagining how much happier we could have been for that time? If I wait for her again will she resent me for it? I want her to be happy but I could clearly see that she smiled more and was a more lively person when we were together. Without her I have nobody to talk to for comfort. What should I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): when i read this i felt i was reading about myself. my gf broke up with me almost four weeks ago just out of the blue. she told me she needed a break and that it wasnt me. i dont talk to her right now because she wanted space but wants to be friends. now shes talking to her ex again and she was thinking about going back out with him, which would kill me. but i still love her and want to be with her.
i cant really help you with what to do. its kind of just a wait and see what happens situation. right now since i dont have her i rely on my friends in school to talk to. ive become a lot more social since we've broken up and its helped me a little. but you cant dwell on what happened you just have to try to be her best friend. it sucks, i know. probably the worst feeling in the world. but things can change and you could end up together again. you never know.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks. I guess I made myself out to be a bit more of a social reject than I actually am. I do have other friends who can cheer me up and so does she. I was just never particularly motivated by anything, even before I met her. A lot of the time it wasn't even her actively cheering me up, it was just the thought of her. She is my best friend in the sense that she is in my closest group of friends and is friends with all of my other friends too. If I never wanted to see her again then that would make it awkward between all our friends and then either me or her will just end up getting isolated from them and I would do anything to stop her from having anything else to be sad about.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (17 February 2009):
I know you say that you helped her through some things but by the sounds of it, she was helping you through things as well.
If she was your only friend, and she was your entire focus in life, then it's no wonder she was feeling a bit pressured and suffocated by it.
I think you need to help yourself rather than hoping she will help you.
I know things seem black right now but try and join some new clubs or groups. There has got to be something in your area where you can meet new people. Talk to some people at school, try and get to a point where you are your OWN motivation for things and the reason you want to get up in the morning is because you want to get some where in life, not because she might be there.
Girls love being loved and even needed, but being depended upon is a lot of pressure so young. There has to be a balance between your love life and everything else. It can't ALL be about her.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): She obviously felt she had a reason to do it. And she might seem not quite herself right now, but if she was still with you but didn't feel right, it would have been more awkward. I broke up with an ex because I didn't love him as much as I had before. I still had feelings for him (I ended up asking him back 4 months later but this turned out to be an unwise decision) but at the time, although I wasn't quite as bubbly as before, I was still more happy than I would have been if we'd been still together. In that circumstance it was far less serious, but it's the same basic situation.
Don't dwell too much on what could have been and what if's, and concentrate on making a fresh start. You see lots of unique things in her, but you'll find many unique qualities in other people too, trust me, because nobody's the same and in the majority there is more good than bad. It's just a case of getting to know people better. Talk to other girls you get on well with, or if you're not ready for another relationship just yet, just spend more time with the guys until you do. As long as you have plenty of good distraction, you'll heal a lot quicker than you will by shutting yourself away.
You can't make someone love you no matter how hard you try, it's up to them, and in most cases you will be depressed for a couple of weeks after the break-up, but with the right state of mind, you can soon move on and feel yourself again. I know every relationship I've had has been stronger than the last or better in some way =]
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A
male
reader, MyDestiny  +, writes (14 February 2009):
 oh that's gudd, some couples just rush into things like that when they're not really ready for it
well anyways i hope everything goes in your favor in the long run
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe is 16 and I will be 16 in 2 weeks. Sex wasn't about our age, it was about when we felt ready.
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A
male
reader, MyDestiny +, writes (14 February 2009):
okay first of all i want to say i feel your pain bro, a brake up a day before valentines day, i had the same thing last year..and its a gudd thing you guys haven't had sex yet i beleive you're 13 right
anyways it shows that you stilll love and really want here to be with you.soo the best thing is to be a gudd friend to herr..still make her smile like she use to..
you never know, things could change in the future, she could want you back
gudd-luck
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