A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am recently married to my boyfriend of 10 years.We never had sex in these years,only physical intimacy/foreplay. now after marriage he just wants sex, he cant wait for 15-20 minutes of foreplay before sex. foreplay is important to me because without it i feel severe pain during sex,because of tight vagina.we don't have sex often since i feel pain in process, i figured out the way of painless sex is to have my vagina lubricated naturally during foreplay.but he doesn't understand, he is upset most of the times that i don't contribute to sex and lie like a log during intercourse. when I am in pain i can't contribute ,he doesn't understand. he wants me to enjoy as much him but I can't when I am in pain.I don't know what to do. I tried to talk to him about my issue and solution i have, but he is fed up of continuous problems i have evrytime. I don't know how to handle this..
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondear all thanks a lot for the replies..
i will work on educating him more about anatomies and other area..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2015): Besides the obvious option of lubrication, if you need more foreplay than he is willing to give, is it possible that you could masturbate yourself before intercourse?
It would be a lot better than dry/painful sex!
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (14 December 2015):
There are a lot of articles on the internet about this situation. Print some of them and go over them some night. He may not be so interested in those articles as they don't pertain directly to his sensations during sex, so perhaps you can include some articles on sex topics that interest him (and hopefully you, too).He may be more sympathetic to your needs if he understands that this is a common problem for women and not just you. He should also understand that you'll be a better sexual partner and make things much more exciting when you are on board and enjoying it, too. This must be a simple matter of him not being aware of how female parts differ from those of his. I can't imagine a husband proceeding with sex if he knows his wife is in pain. When he does get you sufficiently wet and loose enough before penetration, reward him with fantastic sex so that he gets conditioned to make it fun for you, too. If that still doesn't work and you need a Hail Mary, tell him you want to do him anal with a strap-on. He'll become more understanding fast. Good luck! Be sure and come back and let us know when things get clicking.
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A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (13 December 2015):
To be frank, your husband sounds both selfish and completely clueless about the female anatomy. All women will feel pain during sex if they are not aroused enough/properly lubricated. I'm sure everyone, women and men, wish that wasn't the case and we could get warmed up as quickly as men do yet that's not how things are. Him getting upset about that isn't going to make a blind bit of difference and that's what you need to tell him.
'He is fed up of continuous problems I have every time'
So because you are not biologically built to be ready for sex at the drop of a hat, he is fed up?! And this is despite the fact you have told him what needs to be done to solve the problem (more foreplay). Have you told him you are fed up of having sex with a lousy and selfish lover who knows you are in pain and not enjoying yourself yet refuses to do anything about it? That may sound harsh but it's time for you to get harsh if other forms of communication are falling on deaf ears.
I hate to jump on the 'blame porn' bandwagon, but it sounds like he may have been watching porn and as such he expects you to be ready in an instant and screaming like a banshee at the very sight of his penis like the women in those films do. When in reality, most of the acts shown in porn are doing nothing to stimulate the areas of a woman that need to be stimulated to achieve pleasure/orgasm.
In an ideal world, simple p in v sex would be as good for women as it is for men, yet the reality is it's not. I think this is something your husband is failing to understand at the moment, so it's time for him to be enlightened.
I'd suggest you sit him down, perhaps get a sex education book or video to help you, and explain to him that if he wants a fulfilling sex life then he's going to have to expand his sexual repertoire way beyond thrusting in and out. And also do yourself a favour and stop having sex with him if it hurts you. All that will do is lead to resentment and eventually put you off sex altogether as you'll associate it with pain.
I wish you luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2015): Tell your husband what you've told complete strangers. Sex is painful without foreplay. You love it, and need it! If he insists on just having his way; it isn't that he doesn't understand, he just doesn't care. From what you have described; it seems he simply wants you to be passive, while he does what he pleases until he's done. You just lie there and let things happen to you. Speak-up woman!
That's how you have sex with a blow-up doll, not a person!
You have to talk about sex with your man. You have to explain that it is painful, that's why you can't give it to him often. If he really loves you, he will try and understand. If he just uses your body to get off, he has no real love or true passion.
It continues only because you haven't really told him how you feel. You're trying to make him read your mind. He doesn't understand, because you won't explain it to him.
You should also use a lubricant, it will help to ease the painful penetration.
You've been with this man 10 years, married him, and you can't even talk to him? Then why'd you marry him?
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (13 December 2015):
 He may say he wants you to enjoy it but it sounds more like he wants to enjoy himself. Complaining that you lie like a dog when you are in pain his horrible,just horrible and is sounds more like sexual abuse than anything loving and considerate. How do you make him understand... Perhaps a dry dildo up his bum would make him a bit more empathetic. You may have a tight va jay jay, which I would assume have most men doing the dance of joy, but its his impatience that is more of the problem. I mean really if his dick is too big would he be ok with you asking him to cut some off? For your sake, not his, have you considered using lubricant of some sort. Sorry to unleash on your hubby but hearing things like this really pisses me off.
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