A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, the story goes thus. I jilted a guy that liked me when I was 17 in the university some years back. I wasn't dating guy no 1 in particular but he had voiced out his intentions. I made him wait and then dated another guy. I remember the look on his face every time and how hurt he was.We have been on and off in contact but recently started talking again and it seems to me he has a lot of resentment towards me. We've both dated other people after this incident and I wonder why he won't move on even if he won't admit it. Anytime we chat, he's always throwing shades at me for no reason. E.g, he messaged me about him being unable to sleep and I was like you can talk to me and then he goes can I really talk to you? You that would go ballistic on me in a second. And I told him off straight that was uncalled for. This and many instances.Another was we both bought each other gifts. I got him a tie for his birthday and he got me a necklace when he went to the UK. He checked the price on line and told me this year that I got him a cheap tie and he would never wear it. Then I checked the price of his necklace and it was just 17 pounds and I did the same to him. Did he really have to do that.Recently, I think I have started falling for him, I don't know and I am not sure. Maybe I am crazy. I let him know tho but it seems to me he's out for blood. Like why won't he move on. Do you think I should severe my contact with him and leave him alone to be clamouring for revenge ( we are always bickering and fighting). Or should I keep contact with him. We have sevred contact manytimes and oh we just did now but we always end up talking in the end.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 December 2015):
 It sounds so utterly unhealthy and pointless to keep this guy in your life.
He feels entitled to treat you like crap because you "jilted" him when you were 17... SERIOUSLY?! You weren't interested in dating him back then and THAT was that. It's not like you OWE him a thing. IT IS OK to NOT date a guy if you are NOT interested in him! What's ISN'T OK it to give this guy the VALIDATION that you somehow OWE him for not dating him when you were 17. That is crazy!
And then you claim to "think you are falling for him" so you LIKE being treated like crap? You like be with someone to constantly bicker and argue with? Someone who constantly drags up the past "snub"? That is sick. THINK about it! I so agree with WiseOwlE's statement that you are getting to be as nutty as he is. You seem to think ALL this drama means something grand... it doesn't. It means he is a passive-aggressive abusive asshat and YOU are "allowing" it.
Cut the contact and block him. And IF he tries getting back in touch - DON'T allow it. By holding on to this dysfunctional relationships you are holding yourself back from meeting an ACTUAL decent fella.
Come on, girl - have an ounce of common sense.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2015): You're asking a question and answering it at the same time.
Before you start falling for him, I think you had better end this mess. He sounds too sadistic to be a in a healthy and nurturing relationship. How can you fall for someone always throwing you curves and insults? Unless you are getting off on the punishment. I think you should simply cut all ties with this nutcase! You're becoming as kooky as he is, by pathetically seeking his validation and approval. You seem to be infatuated with the drama.
From what you've described, it appears that you like being abused; and there's something a little off about that. Why do you keep going back for more? This at best is a very toxic relationship, and it is very unhealthy. You are drawn to the abuse, and you should really get as far away from all this as you can. If he's resentful, he will not reciprocate your affections.
I suggest that you get some short-term psychiatric counseling. What you're doing doesn't make any sense. You're stuck in a pattern, and you need professional help to get out of it.
Determine why you keep going back to someone who is mean to you, and why on earth you're falling for him?
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A
female
reader, Tottochan  +, writes (13 December 2015):
I think he might still have a thing for you. Or he might have moved on and still bear resentment for what happened earlier. I know for a fact that I still do bear hurt for stuff that happened practically a decade ago. Even though I have moved on, it still doesn't feel pleasant when thinking about it.
The least that you two could do is to cut off all the contact. Because otherwise this doesn't seem like a very healthy relationship.
If both of you have feelings for one another - I would still suggest going completely no contact. Starting a relationship with plenty of unresolved issues lurking just beneath the surface gives an opportunity for unnecessary drama to occur.
His taunts towards you are simply mean, and you haven't done any favours either.
I would say let go of this relationship completely.
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