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female
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anonymous
writes: I met a man 4 years ago. Nothing happened at the time. I ran into him about 2 months ago and we have been spending some time together. We've done dinner, dancing and both like to gamble once in awhile. I am 41 years old and he is 51, going on 52 in a couple of days. I think we have a lot of fun together. He just recently kissed me, held my hand, and lots of hugs. He's taken me around his family and friends. Our kids are young adults, so we could spend al ot of time together but we don't. I've been divorced for almost 20 years and he's been divorced for 12 years. Also, we spend a lot of time with our own friends. My question is we don't call each other all the time, we don't spend a lot of time together. Is this normal for the beginning of a relationship? Sometimes he seems interested and times he doesn't. Should I be patient, because I am interested? Does he just want to be friends?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2005): Dohn't know. Ask HIM. At this point in your relationship, he is obviously being honest to you, and likes you well enough to introduce you to his family. He may be inept at dating, both because he has been divorced so long, and because he hasn't really dated since he dated his wife. Ask him why he doesn't call between dates more often. Ask him if he would be offended if you called him. This IS the 21st century, and women are expected to express themselves and their interests. If you want the relationship to be more physical, you are going to have to tell him, vocally, or with body language. He sounds like the kind of guy who is too shy to proposition a lady, unless he is sure she will say yes. He may also think he is incompetent as a lover( might be true, damn)and is afraid of starting up on something he is convinced he is a failure at. Talk to him about your relationship, someplace quiet, away from other people so neither of you feels embarrassed asking or answering questions. Then talk about "us ".
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