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anonymous
writes: I have just discovered my husband has at least 36 online contacts- I have suspected for years, he has joined dating agencies online, in the pretence he thought I was cheating and wanted to 'find me out'. This has now gone on for 6 years and I keep finding hotmail messages though he swore on our son's life that he didn't have a hotmail account. So on and off for 6 years I have found out he has joined dating agencies, joined msn groups asked women to strip off on webcam. Every time I find something out he always says 'it was just a bit of fun', 'it was years ago' and I just don't know what to believe. He has promised not to lie or have secrets but has now done so for 6 years - What shall I do?
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reader, becky05 +, writes (5 July 2005):
Fun? Its not fun, its downright wrong! Right, you found out, asked him to stop, fair enough, you gave him a chance, but now hes still doing it and making out you're the one with the problem? 6 years is a long time to live with deceit, and it doesnt like hes going to, or even wants to change. Personally, I would have left a long time ago, he sounds like a selfish, self obsessed git!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2005): Hey Mitchy...you are dead wrong. Echeating is definitely the same as "real life" cheating. Any type of behaviours that makes one's wife feel jealous, frustrated and hurt through neglect from cheating sexually online or otherwise is considered cheating, in my books. Having your husband share intimate, sexual details with an online partners and then watching his primary focus switch dramatically from your relationship to one with other women be it online or in real life, is deemed cheating. This man's wife and family's life is affected negatively by his sexual dalliances online, just as they would be if he did this in real life.The big argument that people use, who are involved in online dalliances, whether explicitly sexual or not, is that they are not real and that they are not really important to them. Bullcrap...look at the statistics of men/women who leave their loved ones and destroy happy families to be with people they have met on the computer.The end results are the same. Whether your spouse is salivating online or is out with an old lover, your situation is very similar. You are lonely, you feel your emotional and sexual needs are unmet and you are landed with the bulk of household chores and babysitting duties.The attraction of online relationships is that they remove the difficulties people have with face-to-face communication and also allow people to recreate themselves in a world of fantasy. Shy people can become bold and forthright; fat, bald and unattractive 50-year-olds can become gym instructors with washboard stomachs and dowdy housewives can be transformed into sex kittens at the click of a button.Sexual hang-ups can be overcome as cybersex is a lot less threatening Somehow we've become so convinced about what we're entitled to that we have completely lost sight of what we are responsible for. It doesn't matter who gets hurt, as long as we get what we want. Echeating is definitely the same things as cheating in real life. Don't kid yourself and I tire of people justifying it by claiming it's not cheating...it is..because it destroys families and good marriages.
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reader, Mitchy +, writes (27 June 2005):
Wait... you didn't say if he was cheating or not. And I mean really cheating, not just eCheating. He may not feel like he is doing anything wrong just chatting with girls online, viewing their webcams, and having torrid cybersex relationships. To him, this could be like an interactive porno, and if he doesn't feel that it is wrong, then it will be hard to get him to stop. Does he do these chats instead of taking na opportunity to be with you? Or does he do these thigns when you or he is out of town? Does he meet these girls? Or is it jsut on-line? Are there other problems in your relationship? Or is this the only one worth mentioning? I think you'd need to answer all of these questions before making a final judgement.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2005): Cheating is one of the most selfish acts a person can commit, because despite the fact that they entered into a committed marriage with another person they choose to act as though they are the only one whose feelings, needs and desires matter. Whether they're immature, greedy or just haven't got a clue, some people just don't nor ever will value or respect their partners. He's put you through enough heartache and sorrow...the trust has been destroyed.
not to mention the dignity and self worth he has stolen from you. He has disprespected you over and over..if he isn't going to change in 6 years-he obviously doesn't want to. Time for you to move on with your life. Go find happiness with yourself...find a purpose. and for goodness sakes...Send him and his damned computer packing!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2005): Cheating is one of the most selfish acts a person can commit, because despite the fact that they entered into a committed marriage with another person they choose to act as though they are the only one whose feelings, needs and desires matter. Whether they're immature, greedy or just haven't got a clue, some people just don't nor ever will value or respect their partners. He's put you through enough heartache and sorrow...the trust has been destroyed.
not to mention the dignity and self worth he has stolen from you. He has disprespected you over and over..if he isn't going to change in 6 years-he obviously doesn't want to. Time for you to move on with your life. Go find happiness with yourself...find a purpose. and for goodness sakes...Send him and his damned computer packing!
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