A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am interested in pursuing a relationship with a good friend of mine. We were once in a romantic relationship that ended because of the distance but now we realize we can't do without each other.He is planning to move down here with me so we can start afresh. The only problem is I had just adopted a cat two weeks ago. Unbeknownst to me, he is not a cat person.He told me that his spirit and cat spirit are never in tandem. I asked him to explain what he meant. He told me anytime he is around someone he is close to that has a cat his business dealings fails. He told me he even tried to manage with his last girlfriend as long as she came over to his place but eventually it was the ultimate reason for their breakup.We argued about this two days ago when I mistakenly told him I just got my "baby" a new toy. Baby was referring to my cat and all hell broke lose again. He asked me today if I will be willing to get rid of the cat if my love had a phobia that was really terrifying. And I really did not have an answer for him. I have bonded with this cat and plan on keeping him for a long time even till death do us part. Is a relationship worth sacrificing such a precious one such as my cat to save my relationship?Has anyone with a cat experience this problem? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2013): OP, what I meant to say in my last answer was, that I THINK that this really has nothing to do with the cat and everything to do with this guy's control issues.
Getting rid of the cat wouldn't be fair to the cat! But, furthermore, it wouldn't even help the relationship because the real problem, it seems, is that he's controlling. Imagine you dump the poor cat. Then, another business deal of his fails and he blames your clothes and demands you get rid of them. Or, he blames your friends and demands you dump them, or cut off contact with your brother or uncle, cousin, etc. Well--- you see where I'm headed with this.
I imagine his business deals are failing because he's tripping crack when he makes them.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2013): 1. Cats are loyal and give unconditional love. I have a cat, it's a FACT. I will probably get flack from cat haters, but none of the people I know who like to hate on cats, have ever actually had a cat!
2. He doesn't have a phobia or an allergy, he has a control issue. ''Cat spirit'' blah blah blah, he's not going to admit that he is a controller.
3. When you adopt a pet, it should be for life!
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female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (24 March 2013):
 Just hearing the crock of crap he came out with about cat spirits and bad luck would have been enough to put me off him for life. The guy sounds like a total moron. Keep the cat.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (24 March 2013):
Cerberus makes a good point about loyalty. Your cat will be loyal to you till the day it dies, while this guy only seems to be interested in getting what he wants, without regarding your attachment to this cat. The little animal has more right to be in your home than he does.
Also, please consider that a guy who lets beliefs like that rule his life can turn into a serious liability. People like him are quick to blame their personal failures on 'bad luck' and other people. Because they do this, there's little personal growth. Eventually, instead of blaming the cat for his business failures, he will start to blame you. He won't learn from his mistakes; instead he'll accuse the world, or fate, the spirits or whatever for being 'unfair' to him.
Falling for this guy again doesn't mean this relationship will work out and make you happy. If any, I suspect it will be a source of a lot misery in the future.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 March 2013):
 Lol, Cerberus is right, I mean , this thing about cats' spirits that bring bad luck would sound perfect from the lips of Dennis Hopper in " Easy Rider " in lieu of his little speach about flying saucers, .... are you sure you want to keep him around regardless of the hard choices that he is tryng to impose on you ? What does he eat normally for breakfast, magic 'shrooms ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2013): I'm sorry OP but as a dog breeder who loves my dogs as the 100% loyal and loving companions they are no one comes first over them. They're my pack, my family. I have chosen to be their protector, their leader and I made that commitment for as long as they or I live. I don't get how someone can have a pet, bond with it, become that pet's family and then just decide it's no longer convenient to have them and dump them.
I'd rather live on the streets or never have another partner rather than abandon them like that. They would never do that to me, so I owe them the same respect.
Plus this guy's reasons sound stupid. Yeah dewd, it's cats and snakes fault that you're a shit business man or had bad luck.
He sounds like a weirdo OP. Sounds like something he thought up of while on acid in the desert or something, because the only time I ever believed in shit like that was while on acid.
It's up to you OP, have you chosen to be this cats family or is it just a convenience? If you've decided to be family then giving it up for a relationship that may not work is probably going to hurt you in the long run.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (24 March 2013):
If my guy had a 'terrifying phobia' then yes I'd let go of my cat. HOWEVER, your guy does not have a phobia, he is basically just talking out of his ass. I can't believe you're actually taking this stuff seriously. What's next, he's not going to like your clothes because they interrupt his chi? Keep the cat, ditch the guy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThese responses really cheered me up because I have been really feeling so down and sad. I am constantly looking at the poor animal with the thought of letting it go and my heart can't take it.I have really smiled with all your responses because majority of you supporting me in my decision and I don't feel like I am selfish like I have been feeling before.Like you all stated if he had told me he was allergic and asthmatic like my sister, I will reconsider. Even my sister who is seriously allergic braved herself up to visit me the other day and nothing happened. She took her allergy meds before coming and I vacuumed and brushed off lose fur from my cat and surprised she stayed for almost 10 hrs and no problems.This my guy is not even trying to compromise. He told me I have changed and this is not me. He told me snakes and cats give him bad luck and he is completely terrified of those two animals. If indeed he is that terrified, I have offered for him to try to get help because phobias do go away if you try to get some professional help. But he insisted and gave me that excuse of his failing businesses and cat's spirit superstition. SO this appears to be more than the phobia he first claimed. I think it's a whole bunch of excuse. I think we better rethink this seriously then.I really have fallen for him again. Hope Im strong enough to stick to my grounds.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (24 March 2013):
...But he does not have a terrifyng phobia, he has a stupid superstition !
I am not particularly an animal lover ( nor even an animal hater ). I do like animals, but I think that people count more, so yes, I would get rid of my cat if my love were terribly allergic to cats or terriby cat phobic.
But to " save " a wobbly relationship with someone who is so primitive to think that he can't close business deals because of cats ?!... Frankly, I am not even sure I could want such a person as partner .
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 March 2013):
 You need to compromise.
You can get rid of the cat if he enters therapy to deal with his phobia.
Then perhaps give the cat away to someone you know will take good care of it. People do come over animals. But ridiculous requests do not come over animals... So if he believes a cat will "jinx" his business he needs to get into some form of therapy to work on his phobia. Because this is crazy, and you shouldn't let craziness dictate your life, neither should he.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 March 2013):
 Keep the cat. his reason sucks and is not acceptable. it's not an allergy or a fear of being hurt but rather an infantile response to cats based on his belief system.
I will tell you however that i rehomed my dogs when my now husband moved in with me. He is deathly allergic and afraid of dogs.
I let the big one (125 pounds of fur) go live with friends on a lot of land and he's very happy running with other dogs and kids now...
we tried with the small dog (all 65 pounds of her) and he could NOT breathe or see out of his swollen eyes after 2 days... (a short haired well groomed well behaved dog)
I miss my dogs... but I keep in touch with who has them and I know they are fine and I can see them when I wish. Had he not been allergic, I am sure we would have the one dog at least.
BUT it was not done because he had an irrational belief that a dog would cause him problems. His was purely physical and he TRIED to be around my dogs...
your guy does not want to try and his reason like I said SUCKS.... keep the cat and tell him.. "the cat stays... you don't have an allergy"
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female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (24 March 2013):
 Keep the cat!! Nothing else to be said!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2013): My ex was a dog person and I had a very elderly cat. She was really keen to get a dog when she moved in with me, but I told her that I'd rather wait until my cat passed on. I'd had the cat for 16 years and pets do become part of the family.
Given that we split up a while later (nothing to do with the cat lol), I'm glad I didn't agree to get a dog. My ex lived in a rented flat and wasn't allowed pets, so I'd have ended up with a dog that I didn't want.
This bloke sounds a bit odd to me. Blaming cat spirits for failures in his life isn't normal. If you get rid of the cat what's next? Would you be allowed a hamster or a goldfish? Would he be ok with their spirits?
Keep the cat and look for someone a bit more sane.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2013): When he says that "his spirit and cat spirit are never in tandem", he probably sounds to you like someone you care for very much having some unusual and charming and mysterious set of beliefs that make him seem deep and, therefore, authentic as a person. The fact that he got angry with you and "all hell broke loose again" probably makes you think that he has the conviction to stand by his beliefs and that you need to take him seriously therefore.However, apart from saying the obvious to you - which other respondents have already - I'd suggest that you re-read his actions and re-interpret them AND your responses to them.Many people who are immature, emotionally messed up or unable to cope with what most of us consider to be reality often refer to another belief system that seems to give them credibility. In fact what this most often does is allow that person to not take responsibility for themselves and their life and allows them to basically not grow up. The man that you are talking to is behaving like a child having a tantrum because he cannot get his own way. This 'cat spirit' reference is his way of saying "I cannot cope with any form of responsibility and I also cannot cope with the woman in my life showing affection or having any bond with anything other than me. I need to be a dominant male, even though I am not mature enough to cope with anything, including a small animal. Because I am basically too immature I will always find a way to blame you, including the 'cat spirit' that you brought into things".He has basically already blamed another woman for his business not working because she had a cat. This is the kind of 'rationale' (except it's not really a rationale because it's very skewed) that he expects to keep using in the world in order to get what he wants. If you give up your cat, you are effectively saying to him "okay, use me, dominate me, have your tantrums and never grow up to be a mature man, that's okay with me because I also am not really living in reality and looking for an alternative way of living because I can't grow up either".Really think about why you are even tolerating this person's behaviour. You will end up 'mothering' him and he will end up resenting and hating you for that because as much as he will use your strength and nurturing, he will resent you totally because it won't allow him to grow up. You need to realise that a man who blames a cat spirit for his business not working is extremely unlikely to be able to cope with reality in a way that allows you any good quality of life beyond the mess that he will make.
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (24 March 2013):
 ummm .. yeah dude. your business didn't fail because you suck and blew it. it was this cat spirit bullshit that caused it. and your last relationship didn't fail because you're nuttier than squirrel turds. it's because of that pesky cat spirit crap again.
definitely keep the cat. sounds like the cat may be much saner and mentally balanced than your boyfriend.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 March 2013):
 Ugh. Don't pursue the relationship and keep the cat! The guy sounds like a raving nutball. I understand if a guy had an allergy or had been mauled when he was 2 and was terrified of them, but "his spirit and the cat spirit" stuff and the whole blaming failing business dealings on cats sounds like a real problem.
The final nail in the coffin was bringing in his last girlfriend into the conversation and blaming the cat for the breakup? What a crock!
You don't have a relationship with this guy. And, he's an ex for a reason. Do not go back to the guy, he sounds crazy and controlling and like he doesn't take responsibility for his life.
The cat sounds like a better companion than this guy to be very honest with you.
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