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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 months - he is 23 and I'm 20, and I can honestly say I've never felt this strongly about anyone before, and he has all the qualities that I could want in a person to spend my future with.I'm pretty sure he feels the same way about me, as I'm his first serious relationship. However, he has had plans to travel and work overseas since before he met me- they are not set or anything, all I know that he is going away with a friend mid next year. I've avoided asking him how long he plans to go away for, and what will happen to us etc, because I'm scared of what the answer will be, and because I'm not sure if I should just assume we will be together still, as its quite a while away. The thing is, do you think I should ask him directly about it, or just wait and see what happens? My worst fear is him breaking it off with me when the times comes for him to go. Reply to this Question
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (30 September 2005):
 I think that as you have been together for a short while now, you should be able to open up and ask him more about his plans for the future and how he feels about you.
The problem is that if you don't talk to him, you can imagine the worse and be frightened of the consequences in terms of what may happen to your relationship.
It is time to have a bit of a deep conversation with your boyfriend. Express how you feel, say how concerned you are about the future and how his plans may affect you as a couple. Ask him how he feels; bite the bullet because if you don't, you aren't going to know and you are likely to judge without proper evidence.
Put it this way (and this is in the worst possible light) let's say he says that he plans to go away for a year and he thinks you can keep in contact by phone, e-mail, etc, would you want to pursue the relationship now with him? I mean, the sooner you know what is in store, the sooner you can either continue with the relationship or put the breaks on.
Gather your courage and ask him today.
A
reader, pops +, writes (30 September 2005):
Ask him how he feels about you, and your relationship. Tell him you are going to miss him if he goes, and you hope he does not stay away long. He should not assume that you will wait around for him at your age. There are other men out there who would see what a gem you are, and either change their travel plans, or ask you to go with them.
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