A
male
age
41-50,
*oodoo3182
writes:Well, I dont really know where to start, because there is a lot of issues and things regarding my story which covers the last 2 years. Well anyway, to try and keep it simple...I met my partner 7 years ago, I was 20 and she was 17. We had never been in a serious relationship before we met. We met as friends, and then things quickly developed, and 2 years later we had a baby girl, she is now 5. At the begining, throughout the first year, things were fine, she was devoted to me and I was devoted to her, and we really did get along. We went everywhere together and stayed faithful. But about 18 months into the relationship, I cheated on her, and started putting my friends first. I used to leave her at home on her own and not go home all night. I would spend all night drinking with my mates and basically just treat her like shit. She was in love with me, and I took her ,for granted. I cheated on her again and again. I dont know why because I always regreted it. About 4 yrs into things I decided that I wanted to change all of a sudden, I stopped leaving her at home, and treating her bad. I just wanted to settle down and put things right.But this is where shw changed. For the past 2 years, she has done nothing but play games with me, cheat on me, call me to people and make my life hell. She has been sleeping around and basically just jumping at the chance with every man that looks at her. She has told me that she hates me and I should move on. I have tried moving on, and found new g/f's, but she has always interfered when she sees this, and come between us. She tells me to drop her and we should try thigs again and that she is sorry and would never hurt me. This has been going on for about the last 2 years. But everytime I get back with her she just cheats on me again. She has really hurt me, and it got to the point where I didnt want to live anymore. I would never hurt her again, because now I realise I love her, and its her I want. I just dont understand why she has to do this to me. we have moved that many times its unbelievable and started again in new homes, its been like every 6 months, its not fair on our daughter. I just cannot turn her down, and she knows this. The last house we moved into togther to start a fresh was a joke. We spent all our money on this house to move in, and was only there for 1 week. After one week, she said I should stay at my sisters for a while as things wasnt working with us. So that afternoon I left and went to my sisters. On the evening I decided to go round to the house and talk to her. as I got to the garden gate I could hear her having sex with a man, as the bedroom window was open. I dont know how I never broke my way into that house and battered them both to death. I think I was to shocked and hurt to even think straight. It destroyed me. But that is nothing, she has done worse to me. I know I have hurt her and done some bad stuff, but I have been prepared to call it a day and stop all this. But everytime we get togther, she starts her affairs, and when I move on, she gets me back and then starts it again. Will she ever stop cheating. I really want to just have a quite life. She has sworn to me that she is never gonna hurt me again. We have been togther for 2 months this time. Everthing seems ok. We don't really have a sex life (I don't know whether that is normal for a couple of our age or not) and anyway, I still find it hard to sleep with her. Will we ever be happy, and will she ever stop punishing me? Do women cheat just for the sex, or can they go without?Thankyou for reading all this!
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affair, money, move on, moved in, sex life Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2008): What goes around,comes around?
Some times we push people to the very limit that they break.
That's what seems like happened with your partner as well.
She reached the limit and something in her broke.
We are human beings after all.Lets not blame you or her if you find it difficult to forgive each other.
I suggest counseling for both of you.
The flood has gone above your heads.
It would take a professional to help you guys out.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2008): Firstly, well done for recognising the part you have played in the problem at hand. It takes a mature, strong person to admit where they have gone wrong.
There are a lot of deep seated issues here and it seems you have had a go at talking to your girlfriend about them but not managed to sort them out.
I think something which has been going on as long as this is going to take more than a few chats though and you might want to consider having some couples counselling. You both need to forgive each others actions in the past to move on to a healthier relationship. I am not sure whether your girlfriend is doing this to get back at you or whether it has now become a habit because she knows that she can cheat and you will come back to her every time. Counselling could help identify what the causes of the problem are and help you break the cycle that you both have fallen into.
If after this it's still not working maybe it's time for you both to call it quits for real and try to remain just friends for the sake of your child.
If you are considering counselling, ask your girlfriend if she wouldn't mind going with you because you're doing so well as a couple this time round and you don't want things to fall apart again. Tell her that it might be nice for you both to have support as a couple when things get tough. The key here is to use the words "us" and "we" rather than "you" or "me". If it sounds like you are blaming her then she will probably refuse to go.
I wish you the best of luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2008): Hi,
I feel that you cheated on her for 4 long years. Imagine how hurt would she be, that for no fault of hers, you treat her like shit. I think she has undergone too much agony and might not be able to help cheat on you as a form of revenge? I cannot be sure, why she does this. I think things are very difficult right now and Maybe you both should see a therapist.
Also, If i were in her place, i would expect a lot of understanding and Sorrys from your side, Which would convince me that you regret treating me like that. And you would change. Although I feel circumstances would have pushed her to cheat on you, What she did, and is doing is not right either.
I suggest, that if its been2 months, and things are cooling up a bit, give each other a calm hearing and understandingof all the hurt that has been. And make mutual decisionsfor your future, good for the both of you. All the best.
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