A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Ok here it is I have told you all before that i was going through a divorce and today I went to see a lawyer and which he told me that my husband is suppose to be paying me more money for child support and also is going to have to pay allimony I told the lawyer I didnt want to hurt my husband and that i didnt want to take alot of money from him as he left me everything and pretty much only took his personal items.... we have been married almost 26 yrs now and im off work due to problems with my back having to take therapy ....I am only living on pretty much what i get for child support which is not what it is suppose to be .I dont want to hurt him and i know when we go in front of the judge it is going to get ugly and he will probably hate me .. Can i get some tips from someone that has been through a divorce been married to this man since i was 16 and he has always been the provider and I have been the house wife Im so totally scared ...... Please if you know what its like or what you think might help give me some tips ...
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have the house and my payments are low so no needing down sizing .. But He makes quiet a bit of money and i dont use my child support to pay bills i do use it for my little girl . I dont have any kind of benefits so I am really doing the best I can right now .it will get better and I will go back to work soon as I can I doing home health and cna work . but until then I have to do what I can to provide for my daughter as he left me with all the bills I feel as though he needs to help a little more but also I feel guilty that they are wanting to go after alimony ..Totally overwhelmed here with mixed feelings ...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2008): I am around the same age as you and I got divorced this year (20 years married) after a 3 year seperation. I have a secure but low income job and at the time we split I had two children living at home. I did not want to ruin my husband financially but I knew I did not earn enough to provide a roof for my children and myself. My husband earns about 3 times more than I do so I knew he would be ok to rent or get his own mortgage.
In my divorce I asked for my house. I did not ask for child support or allimony as I felt there was enough equity in my home to cover all our needs. My ex husband got to keep his savings and pension. I sold my house and bought a smaller one with mortgage payment I could afford and the rest of my money is spent on living expenses and my childrens education. Its a basic life and I am basically poor but I do have security and my kids are ok. I am also completely finacially independant of my ex husband.
I know you cannot work and I am not sure that you have a benefits system in america. I am not entitled to benefits as I earn a little too much (just above the required amount)here in the UK. As you are getting a divorce its probably fair to say that you must try to think of a way to gain financial independence. Even if this means you have to work from home or do something less physical that wont hurt your back. You should not be living off child support as that money is for your childrens needs. If your husband earns reasonable money then you are not out of line to ask him to contribute more towards the upkeep of his children but divorce creates a parting of people and those people must support themselves.
It appears you have possesion of the house??, maybe you could down size? work out a budget of what you need to live, take on some work to provide for yourself and ask him just to contribute a little more towards the kids. That doesn't seem unreasonable, he will see your making an effort to sort out your life and if the court insists he pay a little more then he can hardly object. As long as you have what your entitled to (like I did) then the rest is up to you.
Good luck
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