A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey,I've been going out with my current boyfriend for nearly half a year now, and lately we've been discussing having sex.I love him so much and i'd be willing to give my virginity to him, i just worry, will it hurt? he was fingering me the other night and got all four fingers and his thumb in with no pain till a slight discomfort the next day, will this make sex easier? or more painful?please help, i don't know what to do..Xo
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (12 March 2009):
 Read this article for some help.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/thinking-about-losing-your-virginity.html
I don't know if it will help or not, everyone is individual. Just be sure that you aren't doing something you're not quite ready for; you have lots of time ahead of you for maturing both physically and mentally. Don't look around at your friends and base your decision on what they're doing. Be true to yourself. Think of it this way: can you imagine telling your mother what you're planning? Can you lay out your reasons in a way that she'll say, 'yes, honey, it sounds like you've done all the research, you have thought about it and are with the right guy. You're ready. I can't dispute that.' I call it the red-face test, if you can explain your decision without going red in the face, it's reasonable.
Just do your research besides the physical part of things. Look at my profile for some links to educational information.
All the best.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (12 March 2009):
 Well, I'm 53.
And I have a daughter older than you.
And even though someone who is as old as my son is addressing you and has a child, you probably think we're all past it!
BUT... "Experience" of this nature is a harsh, harsh reality!
Sex is intended to make babies! Don't sleep with a guy if you aren't really plugged into the extreme reality that the ultimate goal of the sex act is procreation! Babies! Sperm and eggs are clever, clever things!
So think about it! It's not about scratching an itch, giving in or pleasing him. It's not about closing a deal to get a guy.
You need to realize that what 'anonymous' has described is what your future COULD be! Every sexual act is an opportunity for you to become a Mom! And all of this could happen before you are ready, before you are grown up, before you have finished college, university or seen Europe, before ALL your partying is out of your system! Are you responsible and ready to give a "sweet little baby" everything that they deserve? Including the money? And the 3 a.m. feedings because you won't be sleeping for at least the next two years?
The reality IS... the child will come first, you will come second and who knows where the Dad will be...
Consider the fact that YOUR responsibility is to control whether or not a child is born, should that happen! You get to control it by your own choice! You are the one with the "equipment", you will be the one "carrying and bearing" the child and you may well be raising it on your own.
You have to think further than your own sexual needs and curiosities in order to make a responsible decision. NOT EVERY IS DOING IT!!! Lots of people of all ages lie about when they lost it, how may partners they have had and the fact is, sex can really screw up your plans and your life if you DON'T decide to take your own decisions into your own hands.
Would you marry this man/boy? Do you have any idea how you/he would raise a child and support it? Can you picture him becoming the father of your child, and sharing responsibility for that child, for the next 20 years? Harsher still, right?
Now, I'm not saying that I was a virgin when I married, but I did marry that same guy and raise two children with him. I knew that we we risking an early pregnancy if our contraception were to fail, but I also knew that he would always step up and be our children's Father if everything went wrong.
And, I really had considered every angle, knew what I wanted, knew about using 2 types on contraception and was protecting my own health.
This isn't a casual decision, and the decision is Yours, Hun. Take good care of yourself with the decisions that you make for yourself!
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A
female
reader, Beybii_Boo +, writes (8 March 2009):
 Hey im the same age as you and i worried aswell.
this will make it less painful if he pokes u before u lose your virginity and before you have sex for the first time this will make it so much easier trust me ive been there. the discomfort the next day was just the reaction of your heman breaking - a thin layer of skin which closes the opening of your vagina.
If you get him to poke you (foreplay) just before having sex for the first time this will make it less painful and you will enjoy it stop worrying and dont be tense!
GOOD LUCK!! =]
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2009): First of all, you don't even know what you are getting yourself into. You love him. Big deal. I'm 27 and wish I hadn't lost my virginity, even at 18! Yeah, i'm sure it sounds stupid to you because you're so young. Girl, you haven't even experienced the club-scenes yet...has the thought crossed your mind that condoms don't always work, and pregnancy could occure? Are you ready to settle down for the rest of your life with this kid? Or are you just really curious about sex? If you're just curious about it, you need to hold off on it cause the only thing that runs through kids your age minds is sex. I garauntee that after you two graduate, you will start seeing life. What I mean by life is the fact that you pay your own bills; the roof over your head, your cell phone that you text him with, your car, your car insurance....this all comes about when you are an ADULT. If you think you're ready for a committment, I have news for you....you will be missing a lot. I'm not saying be something you're not, but being sexually active isn't all it's cracked up to be. I got pregnant at 18. Yeop, to the same guy i lost my virginity to. Guess what, i was so excited about having a baby. i started thinking about names, and what type of clothes...how I wanted to raise it....I lost the baby. I was still a kid. Yes, even at 18!
Now, I'm on dearcupid asking for advice in my own marriage. i have a beautiful, smart son. So, i wouldn't change my past for anything. It has made me who I am today.
BUT I don't suggest you worrying about sex just yet. have fun, be a tease (heck, that's more fun anyway, lol) But don't settle for your first love...especially when you haven't even graduated yet. Trust me, you'll wish you didn't do it later when you get older.
In all honesty, you need to speak face to face with an adult female in your life. Relationships at your age are a dime a dozen. Please, please, please...don't settle. You will regret it.
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A
male
reader, Dragonov +, writes (8 March 2009):
All girls and women are different in size as are boys and men so each will have different results.I think that his fingers and thumb together are larger in diameter than his penis alone, so I think that it would be safe to say that you won't feel much more discomfort as long as you and him are well lube (naturally or artificially) and always use a condom until you both decide that you will be together for life (to prevent disease and pregnacy)! Tell him to be gentle and enjoy!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2009): It should help because it means you will get used to feeling of something going up there and will also widen down there so it wont hurt as much. It will most likely still hurt but just take it slow and it wont be as bad.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2009): hey, i lost my virginity dude, about 5month ago he lost his to me too, he had a 7 and a half inch penis, lucky me lol, more to the point if he has a pretty big penis i would get fingerd first if i were you to open you up a bit, but jesus crist if a full hand pretty much doesnt hurt you then nothin will dont worry wen its over you'l find that you were worrying over nothing i was so nervous. and there wer no reason to be sex is amazing, just losing your v is over rated about been painful and that its really nothing it hurt me a lil bit but not enuff for me to flinch or say stop i barly noticed just go for it dude, just make sure he really does love you dont lose your v to a wanker, i didnt but still, dont feel forced into it then get dumped. you'l feel stupid after =/
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A
male
reader, InsideTheFire0603 +, writes (8 March 2009):
Do you love him? Are you sure?
I think you should ask these two questions of your relationship before giving him your virginity. First time sex is an important step in your relationship, and you need to make sure he will listen to you and be gentle. Also is it his first time too? Just make sure he understands that it is alot more pleasurable for him than you, because if he knows this he will want to make sure there is as little pain involved for you as possible.
Also, use a condom! The last thing you want to do on your first time is get pregnant, and an STI!
Hope I helped:)
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