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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I suffer from depression. This past 2 months, I have woken up daily with a terrible sickening gut wrenching feeling. It's awful and it never goes away. I've become increasingly paranoid, over sensitive, clingy and exceedingly untrusting. In my head, everyone is out to get me. I want this gut wrenching feeling to go away, is there anyway it will? I know its due to stress, but there must be some way it'll go away? Please help. Thank you. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (11 May 2011):
Transferring to another university would be a good solution. It sounds like you may be a victim of bullying. Bullying doesn't just happen when you're a child, it happens in universities and in workplaces too. it's a very real and pervasive problem, and recently there have been high profile cases in the news of bullying among young adults (some times with tragic outcomes) so school administrators and parents and the public are hopefully slowly becoming more educated about how serious this problem is.
some links on bullying (information to help you understand your situation better, and to know you're not alone)
http://www.admin.ox.ac.uk/uohs/at-work/mental-health/bullying/
http://bulliedacademics.blogspot.com/2007/02/university-bullying-shock-shock-and.html
when you go for your exam, try to ignore the other people or avoid them, see if you can slip into the background. If, after sunday, you no longer have to be around them, then avoiding them on that day could be the best thing to do. if they confront you, just say you don't want to argue and walk away - don't let them drag you into defending yourself. Don't ask for explanations of why they are saying the things they are saying. At this point, it's not relevant anymore because they will be out of your life soon. It's hard to let their accusations go unchallenged, but remember if you only have to see them for one more day and then they will be out of your life because you will transfer out, then your goal is just to get through that one day with as little damage and drama as possible. good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI got a text saying I have been homophobic towards one of them, which I most definetly havent considering i am bi-sexual myself. Anyway, I denied it and got called a lying cow-and yet again no one is my friend again. Now, this girl who I have apparently been homophobic towards was fine with me earlier today, she rang me and we were on the phone for 20 minutes chatting away saying how we would love to stay at one anothers over the summer. But then 3 hours later, even though I hadn't spoken to her since the call, i'm apparently a homophobic person. This has majorly upset me, when I asked what i have done/said they just said they'd seen messages. I have sat for the past hour going through texts/emails to see if maybe i had said anything over the last 6 months, and I hadnt. So I don't have a clue where these so called 'messages' have come from. When I text her again saying 'i thought we were friends' she replied saying 'obviously not'....then i said something along the lines of tell me what i have actually done, and its been a few hours and no reply. I have had a panic attack, shaking like mad, been sick, and my heart is pounding. I am now actually terrified to go back to uni (i have no way of avoiding this group of girls as i live with them). I emailed my lectuerer and my personal tutor telling them everything and asking if i could go for a university transfer, im still waiting for a reply. What should I do? I have no choice but to go back on Sunday as I have an exam and if I don't go i'll fail my whole year! :( Please help me. Thank you x
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female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (9 May 2011):
You are NOT a 'psycho.' Your roommate is the one who has serious unresolved issues if she got so bothered because you have depression. Realize that for whatever reason she must have already hated you even before you told her about your depression, otherwise, simply telling someone that you have depression, doesn't make a normal person do a complete 180 and start being hateful toward you where previously they were a friend. If they do become like that (as it did with her) that means she was never your friend to begin with, and she has her own issues. And your 'friends' who won't talk to you, they were not true friends either, they have problems too if it bothers them so much. These are not people who are good for you even if you did not have depression to begin with.
It's also possible that if and when you remove yourself from this environment and no longer have these toxic people in your life or have to see them at all, that your depression will significantly reduce. Try and see if you can make this happen sooner...??
you're right that there are people who go through far worse problems, but they dont' "cope fine" just like that, every one struggles and suffers, some times quietly and secretly. Your problems are very real, they are your reality, but they need active solutions. some times just "waiting out" the situation until it changes on its own (like when the school term ends and everyone goes their separate ways) is also a solution. But some times that's not enough, or it will not happen so you have to do some thing that's proactive.
I suggest not just going back to your doctor, but also seeking some counseling. Medication by itself just takes the edge off, but counseling will help you to find real long-term solutions. true healing usually requires "internal work" meaning therapy whether you do it on your own or with the help of a counselor or therapist.
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (9 May 2011):
 how horrible. the girl you live sounds like a school bully. apart from her, can you try and get back in contact with the people that you called your group of friends? maybe that bitch has elaborated on what you told her, exaggerated it and made you look worse to them than you really are. if i were you i would definitely try to build your bridges with them again and get your side of the story across.
you have had a lot to deal with lately, even the hardest people would crumble under that sort of pressure (violent relationship and your mums illness) so i don't see why they should think of you as a 'psycho' if they knew your circumstances.
i wonder why your housemate is so interested to know why you have not been attending uni and parties? do you think she might be trying to get on speaking terms with you or do you think she may be fishing for more info to use against you? just be cautious either way. holding a grudge is not a good or productive thing to do, but now that you know what she is really like you can be on speaking terms again just to make things bearable, just know that you'll never trust her again.
is there any chance you can move out and live somewhere else? you don't want to live with a poisonous individual like her.
be strong, hold your head up high and know that you are better than people like that. bullies are the lowest of the low. pick your self up and get back to uni, brazen it out and and see how you get on, i know if seems really daunting now, but hopefully you find that once you take the plunge and get back into it, it may not be as bad as you thought it was gonna be
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'd like to thank all of you for such kind replies, I ended up getting all emotional about it!I'm considering going to the doctors again, I know i'm not well and hopefully talking about it will help me. I'm just constantly scared and nervous, and the feeling gets stronger and stronger everyday.The reason for my stress was at first a long term relationship turning violent and him cheating on me. My mum got really ill, so staying strong for her was hard and I guess made my depression worse. Then I went to uni, and found out i'm not the most liked person. I told the person who I live with about my depression, she decided to tell all my group of friends, called me a psycho and that I deserved it, i'm a twat and a miserable unsociable bitch. Nice eh? So the betrayal and complete humiliation of someone I trust was hard for me to deal with. After this, I started locking myself in my room, as no one would look me in my eyes anymore. Because i'm a 'psycho'. All my friends have turned against me. It's a horrible feeling. Now I haven't been back to uni in 3-4 weeks, and i've got to face up to it this weekend (I have an exam on Monday) I am sooooo scared, I don't want to, they're horrible to me there, I shouldn't be scared of going back into my own house and I am. Today I woke up to some horrible messages off the girl who I live with, I could just sense the aggression in the texts, she was asking why I haven't been university for ages and why i'm being so unsociable and missing out on all the parties before everyone goes home for the summer. Sorry for such a long message, but basically they're my problems which in light aren't that bad, people go through worse problems than that and cope fine. But i'm not a strong enough person to do that and it is really effecting me. Thank you again for your replies, it means a hell of a lot to me.
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reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (9 May 2011):
Is it possible to remove or get a break from the source of your stress? ( I guess not, otherwise you would have done that by now?). Is there anyone you can talk to? Some times, talking to someone who is sympathetic and non-judgmental, can really help to bring some immediate relief (though the long-term cause would still need to be addressed). If, despite talking with caring people you trust, your symptoms are worsening and impairing your ability to function normally in everyday life, then you should find a counselor or a therapist immediately. Don't wait until your symptoms get any worse. A therapist may be can help identify what to do do bring some measure of immediate relief (medication may be helpful). But for long-term relief, it's more complicated and would depend a lot on what's causing your symptoms.
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reader, angelDlite +, writes (9 May 2011):
you say you know it is because of stress. is this stress something you can change? what is the cause of it? i think the first thing you should do is to speak to whoever is involved in your stressful situation (work/family/relationship/other) and ask for their cooperation
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reader, BettyBoup +, writes (9 May 2011):
 I know what you are suffering because I have had and still get depression myself. It is the worst feeling, and it isn't something you can control, no matter what people say. It may be an accumulation of factors, of thoughts and reactions you've had, that perhaps if you'd thought a different way, would not have resulted in depression. But at the time you couldn't have been aware and you cannot always change your thoughts and some experiences mean that you are unable to understand an alternative way of thinking, if you do not have anyone in your life who is activly helping you see things in a more positive light, for example or if you are just naturally sensitive, you feel sadness more deeply. This does not make you a bad person, in fact I think this makes you a very caring person. But that doesn't help the fact that now you have this constant feeling in the pit of your stomach. For me it feels like a heavy weight in my stomach or chest and nothing you do will fully get rid of it, even if you try to think positivly, or take action like go for a walk. Sometimes it just feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. You know your thoughts and feelings are irrational, but this doesn't make them go away.Depression is an illness. First of all achknowledge that you are not responsible, you are ill. You need to look after yourself to get better. Be kind to yourself and cut yourself some slack whereve you can. A physically ill person would not be expected to work really hard and perform the same as a healthy person, it is, or should be the same for mentally ill people. If you think you are able, go to your doctor. If you want to just get rid of the feeling so you can get on and function, medication might help short term. It can get you out of the funk so you can get on. If it is a long term thing, though you may need to do something else. Medication can help but only with the symptoms. To get fully heal, you need to do work on your self. This will be hard, but you can do it. You need to figure out the root of your pain and figure out how you can change your thoughts and feelings. You may find it helpful to do this with a therapist, again through your doctor, or private if you can afford it.But I just want to say to you now, for those solutions don't help with how you are feeling now, that this will pass. If it is a stressful period in your life, it won't always be this hard. As bad as it get, please try to remember that it will get better. Now I know this is easy to say, and when you are really, truely depressed, you can't see this, you feel so bad. But all feelings are transient. It's hard, but you will come out the other side, and you will be stringer for it. If you can, talk to a friend about how you are feeling. You don't have to go into detail, just say your finding things hard and have a chat about whats bothering you. Talking really helps put things into perspective. Also, do things that make you feel happy. It might not feel as good as when you aren't depressed, but of it distracts you from the heavy, crappy feeling, then it's helping. Just hang in there. It will get better hun. I'm sorry you are feeling this way, it really sucks. Please keep going, you will get through, try to remember that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2011): I hear you, completely. I've been through it all, and for years! It's the most horriblest feeling in the world.You need to speak to a doctor, tell them exactly how you're feeling. They will prescribe you with anti antidepressants.Get out more, get a new hobby, join a yoga class, go to the gym, make new friends, anything different. It will make you feel a lot better about things.You need to look at life in a whole different way. Don't wake up feeling depressed, lonely, sick and upset, wake up feeling happy to be alive and young! Because you only get one.
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