A
female
age
26-29,
*earingOctopus
writes:I can't stand the idea of being in a long term relationship.I like people, but not for long periods of time, I find that I need to surround myself with new faces at a constant basis.This has been going fine for me, but after dating a guy for a few weeks I realised that we were just constantly pissed off at eachother, so we broke up.I assumed it was because we weren't compatible, but I'm thinking it's because I can't be around the same person for long periods of time and not turn into an awful cow.Is this just something that will change overtime, or do I have to accept the fact that I can't have a long-term relationship?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2014): At your age, your mind and body are still growing and developing. "Long-term" is not something you are equipped to handle until you are much more mature. There are people twice your age still learning what that is, and how to do it.
You're still undergoing the phase in your psychological-development, when you are experiencing trial-relationships.
They are strictly for practice, and they will get longer and become more complex as you are mentally more prepared to handle them. For now, days, weeks, or months are better for practice. Lessons learned in stages. Young girls who get too attached when they're too young usually get extremely crushed, if they try too hard to make a "boy" a boyfriend who isn't mature enough yet. Too much "falling in-love" is imaginary. That is being too wrapped up in fantasy and fairytale love. We all experience it. It's unavoidable. Just some people go too far with it.
Your emotions need to catchup with all your changes brought on by puberty; in order for you to deal with suddenly liking boys in a whole different way.
Matching-up and wanting to be with a chosen person you like. It takes a bunch of short-term romantic connections to help you to understand why and how you like them. You have to get used to these new feelings. Your young mind can only handle these deepening emotions in short doses. Girls mature faster than boys in this area. So silly boys piss you off. You have less patience with them.
As you get older, you learn more about what you like in a guy. You also learn more about what you don't like. Going through puberty, it seems you don't like much of anyone. Parents seem to get on your nerves more than ever; and
your siblings suddenly become irritating and very annoying. You don't know why. Your hormones are going crazy, that's why.
It's all normal. You are developing independent-thought, and the ability to figure-out personality-types. You are getting old enough to make distinctions among people you like, and people you don't. Being really new at it, you might be going over-board. That will adjust itself over-time and with practice. Always try to be kind to people; unless they give you a reason not to be.
It's scary, you'll think there's something wrong with you. You're just growing up, and you get bored or annoyed with childish-acting people; who haven't caught up with you.
Some things you used to do no longer seem fun, because they seem babyish and silly. You don't want to do them anymore.
You're not ready for long-term yet. No one your age really is, but they'll argue the point. Reality usually proves the point.
Part of it is also having a bad attitude that needs some adjustment. Showing more maturity also means being considerate of the feelings of others, and being polite.
Get a grip on it. You know it's wrong to be rude, so fix it.
Acting bitchy and bratty, or snobbish; is just bad behavior. If you behave that way for no reason; it means you're developing a nasty personality. That has nothing to do with growing-up. You'll lose friends by the loads.
Self-control and poise is how you show maturity. You are becoming a young woman, and have to make sure the "little girl" inside isn't outdoing your mature side.
Dating at your age is for fun. It doesn't mean you make people think you like them, and just dump them the minute you see somebody else you like. That's just mean and nasty; and when it happens to you. It will hurt you even more.
Dating means you're spending time with someone and getting to know them. If you like them, you keep dating until you both decide how much you really like each other. Sometimes you know right-away that it isn't going to work; other times you have to slow down long enough to find out. You're just a little out of control, and haven't quite learned how to control these new feelings for boys yet. It's mostly instinct, but it also requires that you use your brain and make smart decisions.
Treat people the way you want to be treated. You'll start losing friends and people will dislike you if you treat them like they're disposable. You'll learn how bad that feels when it happens to you a few times. That's usually how people learn not to do it.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (16 September 2014):
 If you are indeed 16-17 I think the idea of LONG TERM might be a little unrealistic. Though some teens meet their life partner, it's rare that it works out.
But for you to start having arguments after only dating a few weeks seems like you just aren't really ready to date yet. Maybe a little immature when it comes to your notions of relationships? NOT that there is anything wrong with that.
My first date was at 17, we "dated" (with dating I mean went to a couple of movies and held hands) and I decided that this was not really something I found important or even interesting. And I focused on other things then dating. That is till I met my first real BF at 19. We lasted 4 1/2 years. My guess is I was NOT really ready til I MET him.
Maybe you are dating more because you "think" that is what you should be doing at your age, but maybe you should just take a break from it.
As for constantly needed new faces around you, that CAN be a problem, if you are not capable of making LASTING friendships, but "flitters" from person to person. So maybe again, it's something YOU should work on?
And last but not least, what you want at 16-17 may not what you want at 25. I wouldn't worry TOO much about being able to DATE long term just yet. What is the hurry?
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