A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for quite some time. He's in the Army and currently training out of the state (AIT). The past two weeks have been extremely hard on him due to the fact that the training just got tougher. So, I'm not surprised if most of our text conversations have been dull, because he's so tired.However, last Saturday, things went absolutely down hill. While he was in training, my half brother contacted me after some time via MSN. As we talked, I found out that my half brother was only talking to me because he wanted an American citizenship. The whole time he was talking to me, he was using me. It hurt pretty badly, because I loved him and my half sister (she doesn't even know she has a sister).My brother and I got into a huge argument, and after he left, my boyfriend signed in 5 minutes later. I was in no mood to talk. I was in an awful mood. Plus other things going on in my family life, I wanted to be alone. But he messaged me. He was still dull because of how tired he was. He's coming to see me on the 28th, and he was telling me that something was wrong with the plane ticket and he needed to talk to his mother. I said it was fine, but after a while of waiting, the worst got to me. I took out my anger out on him. We had a very huge argument over MSN because I randomly started yelling at him after of 2 weeks of barely talking (that wasn't the reason I was mad....I was enraged by my brother).After the argument, my boyfriend and I stopped talking to each other for a few hours so we could both go calm down. When we decided to talk on MSN again, he said it's hard to trust me now. If I couldn't handle that small separation, he is scared of how I can handle a deployment. So he said that he wants to wait until his first deployment to marry me (which I'm fine with...). I was too focused on trying to make things up with him to tell him about what happened between me and my brother.We stopped talking for a few days after that. When we talked again, he basically told me he lost some trust in me. After talking over text some more, he even said he was undecided about marrying me in the first place and just considers us "dating" now. After a while, he even said that he no longer wants anything sexual with me (we would cyber sometimes).After that (this was last night), I told him about my brother. I told him what had happened, and even more (I can't post here). He didn't show a reaction, he just said "I understand", and the conversation ended there. He had to go to bed.My question is: Would the new information change his mind? I know the damage is done, but I never got a chance to explain myself. And now that I did, will he still feel the same? I understand about marriage, that can wait...but what about everything else? Thank you for reading this, sorry for the long entry.
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female
reader, raiders +, writes (21 May 2010):
 Remember that you have to talk to him and tell him what is bothering you....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe argument was pretty bad, I must say. I pretty much took out my anger out on him when he stopped talking to me for a while; and he thought I couldn't handle the separation.
Thank you so much everyone. My boyfriend and I talked today, but not about the argument. Though I wish we would talk it out, it's also nice to talk about something else.
Though, when I texted him "I love you", he never replied. And still isn't.
He's coming to visit me in eight days. I sure hope that things can get better before then....
Thanks so much everyone.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (20 May 2010):
You guys have stopped communication and its understandable because of the distance, but the relationship should not end just because of how hard it is right now. You have been very understanding but you two should try to have more of an open communication with each other so that your long distance relationship can survive. You probably learned your lesson on not taking out your anger on other and tell your boyfriend that. Your relationship has to move forward not backward but maybe just maybe this is what you both need right now, if its hard being an army girlfriend now imagine how hard it is going to be to be an army wife. I wish you two the best of luck, and I hope you two can work this out just remember communication is the key.
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (20 May 2010):
 I think you're in need of a good old fashioned sit-down and talk face-to-face with your B/f. I'm an "old school" type so hile I admit that the digital age has it's uses, I don't believe that MSN or this texting thing is a good substitute for meaningful communication. People have a tendency to say things in print that they'd never dream of actually speaking in real time.
I think you need to ratchet things down and wait to talk face to face with your B/f when he gets home. That doesn't mean just stop communicating with him now, however. Perhaps you should just let him know that you were just blown outta the water by your half brother's bomb shell admission and didn't quite have it together enough to speak with a clear head. Make that perfectly clear and simple to him and add that you really need to talk when he gets home.
AIT isn't an easy thing, I'm happy you understand that. Cut him a little slack while he's immersed in that world. You'll probably find that once he's out of it things will settle back to normal. It's a tough thing you're trying to get through right now, ease up a little and lock down the hysteria, people say alot of things they later regret if said while they're being tressed hard and Basic and AIT are meant to stress you to the limits. Don't panic yet, just talk to him when he gets home. Let me know how you make out with this! Good luck.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (20 May 2010):
 While I don't know the specifics of your argument, in the end it was just that - an argument. Things are said in the heat of the moment, which happens in an argument, but once things settle down the next day the information you gave him about your brother and all of the other stress should have made your boyfriend be more understanding in my opinion. Army relationships can be very difficult, especially on the partner that is not in the service. While I can see him being somewhat hurt because of your argument, I think saying "he's lost trust in you..." along with slowing down the relationship in general seems like an over-reaction. (unless you said something major in that argument to him that you are not telling us)
With all of this in mind, I'd have to point out the obvious that if he did truly love you and care about you THAT much... he should want to make it work. It almost seems from what you are saying that he is having second thoughts.... and he may have been having them for a little while now. MAYBE.
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A
male
reader, RyanS  +, writes (20 May 2010):
 This is the best solution I can offer.
Please MSN/email him, and share the URL of this post.
Send him this message:
"I am sorry and I want be your gf always.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/will-this-change-his-mind-after-a-huge.html
What do you suggest?
I want you to be happy. I love you."
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