A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've just split with my ex a week ago over argument. I have an 11-month-old baby. When I asked if any chance getting back together he says don't know. Then when I ask well would u like to he says I ain't saying no. Maybe down the line. I'm so confused. I can't just walk away or do no contact as i have the baby. But I took the baby to see him on his lunch break and everything was ok. When was leaving gave me a hug and peck on the lips. I just don't know where we stand.
View related questions:
my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 September 2017):
 It is obvious he wants to be single for the time being. Maybe he will come back maybe he won't but really do you want to put your life on hold waiting for him to make up his mind? I think you need to be honest and tell him it is now or never. Don't wait around for a man, also don't just show up to his work as he cannot be himself when their are others around watching, especially people that he works with.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 September 2017):
 You stand broken up. The very fact that he either initiated the split, or promptly jumped at the chance to split up if you said it first , although having an 11 months child together, makes me think that he is not very invested in the relationship and did not take it seriously. I am not saying that necessarily people who do not get along have to stay together for the sake of the children, just that normally people are much slower and more cautious before breaking up a family " over an argument " - if they see it as a family and not as temporary arrangement.
I think in a situation like yours, anything bur a resounding " Yess ! " , you should take it like a no.
What was he supposed to say ? You are still the mother of his child, he knows you are keen on reconnecting and probably he did not want to be cruel to you and let you down too hard. Add it that you showed up with the baby at his workplace, so obviously he wanted to avoid drama or emotional scenes. He told you that he does not know if you'll ever get back together ( and that's sort of suncere because nobody can read in the future ) . But he is obviously not going to MAKE it happen, as confirmed by his hemming and hawing when you asked him a simple yes or not question, " would you like too ? ". Not now, maybe, who knows, perhaps in future ". Yeah. Whatever.
He was being diplomatic, he did not want to crush you. half out of kindness and half because he needs to get on your good side, because of the child you share.
Speaking of which, you do not need , obviously, to go no contact with your ex. You can set up a tegular visitation schedule, either agreeing upon it between yourselves or, if needs be, through the court. You can co-parent together, and , of he deserves it, you can allow him in future to be more and more involved in his child's life. First thing, as the other poster suggests, make sure he pays, or he is forced to pay, child support.
First things first, and as of now you must think first of all about how to protect, finnacially too, your child. All the other considerations about your love life come second.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2017): He was at work. You went to see him with your baby on his job. How was he supposed to behave with co-workers around? Get your thoughts together. You put him on the spot; that doesn't mean he has changed his mind. You came there with drama written all over your face, and prepared to make a scene. Be serious!
No matter what his decision is, get your legal ducks in a row for child-support. You can't force anyone to love you; and whether he wants to make up with you is up in the air. What should not be left to chance; is that child's financial-security.
Try and see past your own feelings for now.
When guys threaten to walkaway when there's a child involved; there are two things you had better consider.
He either stayed only because of the kid; or he wants to leave because he never wanted one. It doesn't matter. He has half the responsibility of supporting his child. Not just donate sperm. and jet.
He's just told you he's about to walkout on his kid. Kids can't be used as pawns; or held for ransom to keep a relationship.
Prepare for him to leave, and make sure there's a check to support the child until he or she is 18!
...............................
A
male
reader, ObamaPhoneHome  +, writes (14 September 2017):
To answer honestly more information about the breakup would have to be provided. For example who initiated the split?
It sounds like you want to maintain the relationship, especially considering that you have a child (I assume it's with him?).
Without additional information I'm guessing that your ex just wants to keep his options open, until he can find someone else to satisfy his needs.
This doesn't mean that you won't get him back, but it does mean that the odds of smooth sailing henceforth with this guy are slim. Even worse, you are now at a terrible disadvantage since you have brought another soul into this world and are the primary caretaker, and in all honesty will be less desirable as a mate for other men.
This is why traditionally women are the gatekeepers of sex, and should be very selective in their mates. It's also why it's preferable to procreate within the bonds of marriage, since it places a stronger onus on the man to maintain his commitments to wife and family.
...............................
|
