A
female
age
51-59,
*umble
writes:Hello,I'm hoping you can help.I split with my ex in 2008 after 6 years together. We didn't live together or anything and had no kids between us...just children then from previous relationships.We got together quite soon after my marriage ended as we were already friends then had 6 years together. I ended things as I felt we'd grown apart and wanted different things in life.He went on to meet someone else and had been with her until around June this year when he tells me he ended things. I've had dates over the years but nothing serious at all. We never kept in touch after the split but after he'd split with his partner we saw each out a couple of times and we agreed that we should meet up for a few drinks for old times sake.We met up a few times and got on really well. Lots to say and we both had a great time. We somehow then spent the night together and again all was good. I know he'd like us to become a 'proper' couple again but after speaking to close friends over the weekend, I just don't know if I can do that. My friends didn't know we've been meeting up as I wanted to just see how we got on, but their reaction was just around what would be different now, he was desperate before to meet someone quickly after we split up and now am I the easy option after his last split! I don't think he'd ever want to live with anyone as a couple...I'm not sure whether I would in time or not. Would we just end up like we were last time and things going wrong? We do get on really well and there is chemistry...there's just a 'but'! Anyone been in the same situation? Thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2015): As youve already spent time together and reconnected it doesnt particularly matter what your friends think unless of course theyre correct and he is just using you as an interim fill in.How you conduct yourselves is up to you .Possibly it could be a lasting reconnection or either of you could veer off to new pathways at any time.Being older doesnt mean friends are always correct in their opinions but they may have a sense of perspective that you dont, but you are each living your own lives and your decisions should impact primarily on yourself alone;It could be that this is a future romance of great importance but it seems he hasnt spent that much time with you so far so bear in mind that it doesnt pay to invest too deeply in a relationship too fast without being capable of dealing with any future changes.I cant quite tell if you are dealing with a near miss situation or just a walk down memory lane .How can you somehow spend a night together?Did you not make a conscious decision into sex with the ex?Now that he wants to be a couple you still dont know..so perhaps you are not that good at taking responsibility for your actions but genteely stand back and imagine it all happens around you.
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (15 December 2015):
 This sounds like you need to decide what you want. There are question marks over going back with him; living together or not; whether he really wants to be with you, or are you just a known quantity and all right for now.
There is no harm in just keeping things casual for now; unless you feel it might get in the way of meeting someone better. Remember decisions empower you. They are the greatest empowerment. You have to steer your own ship.
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