A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I came on here not too many days ago stating my ex girlfriend of five years had me feeling unsettled. I stated we have been broken up for at least six months. She constantly contacted me and I responded cordially. Perhaps a friendship could come of it. She ended up on two separate occasions within days of one another disrespecting me and my current partner by expressing her love for me, even after I told her that's inappropriate. I stated all that in my previous post and went no contact after i told her i do not want her apart of my life if she cannot respect me. She continued to contact me to no avail but i felt unsettling about her. Two days later I get home from work and she is parked in front of my house. She backs me in a corner, prevents me from entering my home and even grabs me several times. I told her again I want nothing to do with her especially bc of the level of disrespect and disregard. I told her I would call the police if she continued. She stopped and I went inside. She texted me to tell me she would sleep in front of my house in her car. I didn't reply. The advice I received said in some way I missed her and wanted her attention, I was done with her a long time ago. I honestly was trying to be nice. Her actions have me on edge. She's talked about how if she can't have me she'd rather not be alive. I'm not sure what to do but i feel very uneasy. Recently when I felt this way she popped up at my house.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 December 2015):
 Call the police and go NO CONTACT. Really, you ARE just trying to get her attention if you keep answering her, keep entertaining her. If you really are over her then why try to be friends after she's clearly not over you. Attention seeking. It's nice to feel wanted. Well there you go, now you might have to get a restraining order.
Stop trying to be "nice", you're trying to get rid of her, not get her attention. No contact, then write down all the things she's said on this occasion, and if she sleeps outside your house or comes back, and wont leave, then call the police.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (14 December 2015):
 She sounds disturbed.
The days of you trying to placate her and being Mr Nice guy does not seem to be stopping her.
You also need to protect your own safety as her disturbing behaviour may escalate if she does not get the medical, psychological or psychiatrict support she needs. Document her visits, what day, time of day, what she said. Save any texts. Block her from contacting you by phone or social media and apply for Court protection from her harassment.
You will need to be firm and as disinterested as a stranger or bystander.
She is trying to get your attention and in a very dramatic disturbing manner.
If she is disturbed enough to really be contemplating suicide then she may not be listening properly to anything you are saying.
Thus contact a respponsible relative or friend who she respects and who she is closest to and suggest that they take her to a Doctor and that they arrange to get her specialized psychological or psychiatric counselling.
Provide that relative with this URL and suggest that they encourage your ex to read it: www.metanoia.org/suicide/original.htm
After that you will know that you have done your best. If she does get the help suggested and yet still follows through with her threat then the outcome is not your responsibility nor is it your fault.
However if her disturbing behaviour is an attempt to manipulate and guilt you, where her threats are mainly about getting your attention and an attempt to cause you maximum distress then she is still very disturbed.
She still needs professional counselling to give her more strength to deal with her grief at losing you from her life.
Once again she may not be listening to you and her grief and her distressed state of mind may be clouding her judgement.
If you are not a trained medical professional then you may not be able to tell the difference as far as her current medical and psychological state.
Of course it is very distressing for you too to have to be witness to her disturbed behaviour.
Thus explain to friend or relative who cares about her that your ex needs urgent medical support and professional counselling.
You are NOT responsible for getting her that medical, psychological and or psychiatric support. She is your ex.
But surely she has at least ONE family member or ONE friend who does care about her enough to get her professional support.
You will need to be firm, assertive and strong to deal with her unwelcome distressing behaviour.
If she is truly disturbed then sadly not even a restraining order may help. But she most certainly sounds to be very unhappy and very determined.
If she is as disturbed as it appears then I think she first and foremost needs a medical professional to assess her.
If she does commit property damage or tries to harass you or does trespass on your property or continues her stalking or does attempt to assault you then by all means do call the police. Though they are best equipped to deal with criminal behaviour.
You were right to tell her that you would call the police and that did cause her a moment to think about what she was doing. However it merely slowed down her disturbing behaviour momentarily, yet not enough to stop her harassment. But perhaps she sensed that you were not serious, about calling the police.
a restraining order will give you better protection next time you need to call police.
Call the police and mean it and go through with taking this action if you feel it is your only option.
But long term the police cannot give your ex the counselling and medical support that I suspect your ex really needs.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 December 2015):
 Take all of the texts and any other evidence to the local police. Ask how you can get a restraining order. Also ask them how to ensure your personal safety.
I would also take the texts and other evidence to her family to alert them that she appears suicidal.
The threats she's making indicating self-harm need professional intervention.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2015): Report this behavior to the authorities right away, and make sure you continue to file complaints every time she attempts to contact you. She is a stalker, and a criminal at this point.
Get a restraining order if you can also, and call the police if/every time she violates it.
Do not respond anymore to anything she attempts to send you. Any response, even negative ones, are encouraging to people like this. Do not respond to anything she does, but document and report everything. Keep a journal even with dates and times, as it could be evidence later if she tries to hurt you or your girlfriend.
Also, it may be wise to inform your boss at work, in case she goes there or tries to contact any co-workers to slander you. The first one to report is right in those situations.
So sorry you are going thru this. I hope she gets the message soon and stops bothering & threatening you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 December 2015):
 I'd get a restraining order and (if you have their info) contact her family or close friends and notify them about her threats of suicide. So she can get some help.
After that? Refuse to talk to her. BLOCK her number she can't text you - call the police the MOMENT she tries to corner you again - she obviously is not in her right mind, but she also knows that you haven't told her to go kick rocks and leave you the heck alone, therefore in her skewed mind she think there is still hope (IF she "fights" for you). THERE is no future friendship here and you do not owe her to be cordial or friendly - not after what she has done. Stop being nice to her, it's getting you nowhere.
It's her choice to stalk you, her choice to threaten with suicide but it is YOURS to remove her from your life as best as you can.
Yo can't prevent her from making threats or even to commit suicide - but you can make it 100% CLEAR that you want nothing to do with her ever again.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 December 2015):
 You basically need a firm mindset that you don't care if she lives or dies. She is an ex so whatever she does, is out of your concern. If you can't avoid her and she talks about death again, just tell her you wish heaven is a happier place for her.
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