A
female
age
36-40,
*eeley345
writes:OK, I have a gay male friend who to me seems obsessed with my weight/body. I m female, a size 8 weigh 57kgs and i m 169cm. According to my doctor i m in excellent health and the right weight etc for my BMI (Body Mass Index). I ve never had an eating disorder or struggled with my self esteem. I m happy with my looks and would never change them. Apart from my hair which I hate. But that s all about my looks I hate...my hair. However this friend has always been convinced I have an eating disorder. Why? I have no idea. I have never done anything that would make anyone think I had issues with food. I eat healthily and because of genetics, I have always been slim. Even as a child I was small. I'm still the same size wise. It s unlikely I ll gain weight. No matter how much or what I eat, my weight stays the same. My friend has made comments hinting that I have an eating disorder, or that i m too thin. He has insulted my body. My doctor says i m fit and healthy yet my friend who s not medically qualified thinks something is wrong with me. This friend is an alcoholic and morbidly obese. He s my age but struggles with his weight and low self esteem. I wonder if this is why he seems so focused on my weight/body? No one else is. I ve been skinny shamed but by people who have their own body image issues. I m beginning to wonder if they are taking their frustrations out on me because they are not happy with themselves? And how do I tell my friend to stop skinny shaming me?
View related questions:
alcoholic, self esteem Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 December 2015):
 While I don't think BMI is some magical formula as does not take into account muscle mass, bone density, overall body composition, nor does it always shows a healthy number - I do, however, think yours sound very healthy.
If you are HAPPY with your body, active and your doctor is regarding you as normal and healthy - WHO is your friend to decide that you are not? I mean what does he bring to the table? Is he a trained physician? Is he a personal trainer or a specialist in nutrition?
DO you "shame him" for being fat? If not, I'd say that he is trying to drag you down to stop himself (at least for a moment) of being miserable in his body. It's envy. And envy is pretty.... ugly.
I think Tisha put it very nicely as far as what you can say to him.
And I'd go as far as suggesting that if he can't STOP from keep doing it I would pull back from the friendship. And I'd tell him flat out why. Friends don't tear friends down. Now if you were 45 KG I could understand it, but your weight is pretty normal for your height.
IF you are happy with yourself, that is the most important. Clearly HE isn't and that is a shame. But it doesn't give him some kind of RIGHT to shame you and your body.
A
female
reader, Keeley345 +, writes (15 December 2015):
Keeley345 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice. My friend is clearly unhealthy but rather than worry about himself, he takes digs at me. He's told me i looked 'painfully thin' once before. When I told him on another occasion that according to the BMI i'm healthy, he's reply was " I don't think you should believe the BMI at all" so in his opinion as someone who's not qualified in health matters, the BMI should not be relied on!!! That made me angry. I do need to put him in his place regarding body shaming me.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2015): I was very close friends with a gay male for around 3 years. He was incredibly critical of me and my appearance, and would call me fat even though I'm slimmer than you.. My friend was not insecure, he was just nasty.
This may not be the case for you, but you need to remember friends should be uplifting and supportive. You sound healthy, but you already know this!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2015): Tell him to stop trying to make you feel insecure on purpose. Skinny shaming is not very nice, I was very shamed into my body weight by a number of so called well meaning people about ten years ago (unwarranted and uninvited)It made me loose confidence in my body and i started to think i was abnormal but i wasn't i was very fit and healthy with a great appetite for life and food. You know the type of people that get pissed off when they see you happy, deliberately tell you that you don't look well to wipe the smile away. I came to the conclusion that these negative comments were a bit like voodoo, if you believe it you will start to feel unwell.Tell your so called friend to piss off skinny shaming you your confident and attractive happy with the way you are and that he needs to concentrate on his own serious health weight problems and stop transferring.Believe your own 'feelings and instinct' not other's who may mislead you into loosing your self confidence.Believe the facts, you eat healthy, your doctor gives you facts about your weight health, you feel happy and fit.
...............................
A
female
reader, Carpe-Diem +, writes (14 December 2015):
From everything you've said, it definitely sounds like your friend has deep insecurities and is trying to make himself feel better by projecting his own weight problems on to you. Personally speaking, I'm not overweight but I have felt very insecure about my body and I know when you feel like that it can really eat you up and its difficult to control your envy. This guy is your friend and really it sounds like hes got personal issues going on that have nothing to do with you. I think you know this already yourself but you're afraid to be direct and tell him his comments are hurtful. If he continues to act like this, you need to be honest and tell him you're not happy with it and its not acceptable. If he's a good friend then he'll realise this and stop it before he loses you. I hope it all works out. All the best.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 December 2015):
 "Scott, my doctor says I'm fit and healthy. I've never had an eating disorder nor have I struggled with my self-esteem. I'm happy with my body and how I look and would not want to change anything.
"Other than my hair. We can talk about my hair. I'll take suggestions and comments and helpful advice about my hair.
"You made this comment: [what he said] about my body and I found it to be hurtful and insulting.
"I don't know what is going on with you but I do want you to realize that your comments about my body feel like body shaming. I value our friendship and don't know how else to tell you how hurtful your comments are.
"My doctor and I are both happy with my weight and health. I hope you can accept that I am the weight that I am and will be able to support me just as I am.
"I value and treasure your friendship! I hope you understand that! You're the best!"
...............................
|
