A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've just started seeing a therapist as I am suffering from anxiety (chest tightness, nausea, stomach pain, diarreah). Unfortunately all of my energy has been focused on my boyfriend of 9 months. I was emotionally bullied for many years as a child, made a fool of and my parents knew but didn't/couldn't do anything about it. I didn't speak or make friends for years afterwards. I couldn't trust myself enough to trust anyone else not to fool me again. This is my third long term relationship. What started out so great in the beginning has turned me into a nervous wreck. I'm insecure, jealous and I'm finding it hard to trust him. I wasn't really like this with my other rwlationships. My last boyfriend lasted for seven years. He had issues of his own but he didnt have much respect for me as a person. My current boyfriend does and I think this is part of why I'm freaked out. We have had a few (ex girlfriend related) arguments, and I am really insecure about him having feelings still for her - this may be the case but he has vehemently denied that he would ever get back with someone like her as she treated him badly and it took him long time to get over her in the first place. He says he needs a girlfriend who is stronger than the way I've been acting about it all(pushing for info about her and making him think about her more). He has told me little white lies to keep the peace as he says he doesn't want this to poison our relationship.My question is: how do I learn to trust in time for him to see how much I want this to work out? Will therapy actually work? I have been trying to let go of my controlling habits but I haven't managed to control myself when it comes to checking his online history. I want this to stop, it's turned into such a physical horrible feeling that I'm becoming unhappy. I want to trust him so much and I don't know whether it is gut feeling or my bad trust issues... I find it hard to trust anyone and I have a wall built around me :-( help ...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2013): You have one simple belief to develop, trust in YOU! what all your good qualities are and how unique you are as a person and lovable. You and only YOU! block all the natural love that belongs to you because you lack 'self'belief,esteem,love and search for all these things from others. You hold the key to your emotional freedom.What is worst case senario if you experience a failed relationship? you pack up and move on, if you have to, and head into the adventures of life and love to try again. Don't let fear'jealousy insecurity hold you down and cause unhappiness to both you and your partner.Enjoy life and love and learn to laugh more, what man would not want to be with you? forget the past and all that childhood stuff, it nolonger serves your growth but feeds only the negative side of your self. We do not have to end up 'broken'because of 'others'they don't really have that much power over us...do they? but to be 'broken'by yourself is far worse, it say's you have no spirit to fight and overcome all the challenges that life throws at us.I 'know'what 'transformations' can take place, regardless of your childhood or adult life if you 'believe'in you and that you are strong enough to overcome anything!to see the difference between illusions and reality.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (23 June 2013):
 I *love* to see posts like this on here!
First of all, the fact that you are writing this shows that you're more self-aware than most people with issues like yours, and that's half the battle right there!
DEFINITELY stay in therapy, because it will help you! It will not be a quick fix. Remember, you are a lifetime of upbringing, your environment, and your history. Going into therapy thinking that he or she will say a magic word and unlock everything for you is as foolish as thinking that one session in Weight Watchers will drop all of the weight you have.
Therapy is awesome, especially if you have a really good therapist. It's going to take awhile for even the best therapist to help you peel back those tangled up layers of emotional damage and dysfunction. Even if you vow to be as honest as possible with her/him, even a lot of self-deception is uncovered during sessions and as part of the things your therapist will tell you to work on outside of sessions.
Remember, your boyfriend cannot be your everything. That is the pressure he is feeling from you, so you've made a healthy move to seek professional help, which can only be good for your relationship. Promise yourself that no matter what happens in your relationship, that you'll stick with your therapy.
Many people don't understand the brain and how it functions. One small chemical imbalance can skew emotions off the scale. Don't worry about any stigma...you getting help with anxiety is as natural as someone with back damage or a broken leg or partial paralysis going to get physical therapy.
Don't get frustrated or impatient if it's not moving fast enough or you both feel like you've hit any walls. You *will* hit walls, and you *will* get frustrated. In time, your therapist will know you better than you know yourself.
I personally have never visited a therapist before, but one of my closest friends *is* a licensed therapist, and I also have friends who were transformed by therapy, so I'll always extol its virtues and benefit for all who are self-aware like you who know they need help for an injury no one can see.
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