A
female
age
51-59,
*earching
writes:I am 38 years old. I have been married to my husband for 4 years, we have two beautiful children, they are the loves of my life. However, I feel like I don't love my husband anymore and I am not physically or sexually attracted to him. Not sure what to do.....should I try to make it work, should I try to fall back in love with him. I don't know how to tell him this either, I have been avoiding him and I don't want to talk about it. I know he loves me because he tells me he does. I just feel repulsed by him at times. I know that is so bad but, that is how I feel. I really want to be with a man that is attractive and acts like a man. My husband is a bit on the feminine side and he has gained weight as well. I on the other hand have had two children in the past three years and have still managed to stay in shape. I don't know if I am being shallow or if I should try to make this work. Will the love come back? Will I want to be intimate with him again?Help!!!!! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, ggunit  +, writes (7 January 2009):
this is dodgy,
i think your husband doesn't act like when you first met him, you guys don't do the same things you did when you are dating you just stay home etc..
go out to the movies, on dinner dates. go for walks at night (if it is safe)
go to a bar and drink until you get drunk together.(kids at friends or family)
that will let you guys get reconnected because you will get to know the person you fell in love with all over again.
the thing that makes you not feel attracted to him is routine and repetision. you need to break that.
also don't think he doesn't realise. guys know that something is different. and it affects them in the long run and it just snowballs.
don't just try and have sex with him and hope it gets better. he needs to seduce you, or you two need to have fun
hope this helps
GGunit
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2009): You have no reason to feel bad. I do not think you are being shallow at all. You just want back the man you married. Nothing is wrong with that. Now, if you were wishing he were younger, etc. that would be a bit shallow considering everyone gets old. No stopping that, nothing can be done. However his figure is another thing. Weight can be changed and maintained.
He essentially let himself go because he felt comfortable with you, which in my opinion, should never be done, particularly if the other partner is still in good shape. You being repulsed by him shows your displeasure in the fact that he gained weight and basically gave you a big F you, you're stuck with me.
My partner and I have both agreed to maintain our figures because we want each other to remain sexually attracted to one another as we grow older. Besides which, it is better for your health.
I think you need to share with him how you are feeling. Of course, be gentle and maybe even suggest you two joining a gym together. Tell him that you would like him to get fit. I know you mentioned that he is quite feminine, but I hope that you telling him to get in shape won't hurt him. If anything, I hope he gets motivated. I am sure though that if you calmly and kindly share with him your thoughts, he will be more than happy to do as you wish. He loves you, he would want everything to work out.
About him being feminine, was he like this when you first met him? Is this just how he has always been? Like, part of his personality or did this develop recently? If recently, talk to him about how you liked his masculinity and if he would act the way he did before. If he has always been like this, I am sorry, but that's just him. You could bring it up, maybe hint at the fact that you like more masculinity, but changing someone's personality is difficult, if not impossible.
Please feel free to message me if you would like to.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (6 January 2009):
This is not a boyfriend, this is the father of your children and then guy you promised to love and cherish etc etc.
So I think you definitely owe him a chance.
HOWEVER, this in no way should all be on you. He has to put some effort into keeping you and that means you have to let him know that you are not happy with the way things are. I'm not saying to sit him down and tell him that he's crap and repulsive, but you could drop some STRONG hints about him signing up to a gym or a local boxing club to work off a bit of weight. Tell him you are worried about his health further down the line - I mean, in 20 years he's going to have to lift washing machines when he helps the kids move into their 9th floor shoebox apartment. Drop some hints that you want your Sexy Man back - ie. He's not here right now.
Boxing clubs, football teams, there has to be some local manly sports that involve running about and possibly hitting things. That'll shift the weight and get the testosterone flowing.
Good Luck!! xx
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