A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok so here is the story... 5 years ago I met my ex and everything was good except for his explosive temper which I saw first hand about 6 weeks after we started dating I don't even know how I ended up curled in fetal position crying but I did, and I know that shoulds have been the warning light but for some reason I didn't see it. Of course he apologized and bought me a diamond and even had his children ask me to marry their daddy. After I said yes thing started to spiral first it was little things like screaming at me when a guy looked at me or totally losing it in front on my friends and calling me every name in the book. As time went on I was preparing to leave for the air force and I had to spend all my time when not working with him or else I was accused of cheating and I figured I can get through this a bit longer since me leavin for the air force ment I never had to talk to him again but as my luck had it I found out at meps that I was pregnant! So I moved in with my ex and his family(mom and kids) but it really started to get worst at first I wasn't allowed to talk to my friends and family and I couldn't wear make up or do my hair I was called lazy useless a cunt a btch and every other bad name out there I felt tired and depressed all the time. I even had to walk home 5 to 10 miles in 85 degree weather 3 months pregnant because he didn't feel like answering his phone. I barely ate the whole 4 months that I lived there I even lost 10 pounds. I also let my cell phone bill go so long unpaid so it would get shut off so he would stop checking on me at work which was all I was able to do! I threatened to leave and he would just tell me that if I did he would take my crazy ass to court and take full custody of the baby and I would only are it when he would allow it. I know he hit me a few times and grabbed me really hard but I have no recolection why he even had his mom telling me I was lazy! He expected me to care for him his moms house work and care for his 2 children and I had to tell him when I got paid so that I could buy him stuff! And then one day I was sitting in. The office at work hiding in a corner crying when I decided to call my mom and she brought me a car to use to go and get my stuff to leave him so I did and I will never ever forget what he did to me when I was packing throwing cigarettes at me spiting on me calling me every name in the book telling me he would have me best up and killed pushing me breaking all my stuff. But I had done it I had left and then he got all stalker like searching for me at work snd calling. So I decided the best thing to do for my unborn child and me was to move far away and I did 12 hours away. He has never met our daughter and he doesn't let me forget why making me feel guilty for moving when I did it to protect us he even has told me he will make sure she hates me for it! Its been 2 years since I have heard from him but I'm so terrified that I check his myspace daily just so I know he is home and no where near me I also married an amazing person who accepts that I am scarrd from what my ex did in the 9 months I was with him my hubby even has raised my daughter as his own. When does this fear go away I want to take him to court for my hubby to adopt my daughter but I'm so afraid of the outcome. Why even after 4 years can I not get past this I thought I was until 2 weeks ago when I started to get nightmares. Why can't I get past this please I need advice I don't know how to cope anymore! And my husband doesn't know what my ex did I have never told him afraid to rip open a still gaping wound even more. Will this pain and fear ever go away?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for your answers I have since written my husband a letter about everything that happened and somehow writing it made me so angry I forgot about my fear! And I am now looking forward to taking my ex to court for an adoption so I can finally let my anger out and rid him from our lives for good! Again thankyou this site helped me get some of my fears out and remind me that he can't hurt me ever again!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI also forgot to mention that my ex does pay child support and does know where I live and sends our daughter gifts on occassion so its like I'm constantly reminded that he is still there. He also still let's it be known that its my fault he doesn't have a relationship with her because I moved. But I have realized its not my fault I moved to protect us not to inconvenience him. Thankyou for some feed back I think I might write my husband a long letter telling him the whole story. I don't think this fear will go away until he is completely out of the picture and I'm having a hard time dealing with it.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (3 March 2010):
Wow. This must be hell for you. My advice will be to create a new email account online and contact him to find out about his life. He doesn't have to know where you are, for all he knows you could even be living in another country; or even in the next town. Just find out what his life is like. Hopefully he has remarried and has moved on with his life and won't want you back to upset him. If he gets abusive you can always delete the email account.
I also think you need counseling. Perhaps a counselor can help you deal with your emotions. Remember he can't hurt you anymore.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010): dont let this man ruin yourlife. I am going through a similar situation. I keep telling myself stop being the victim. You did the right thing by getting out and you are now with a man who respects you. You need to tell him what you went through and the pain you are still carrying. I dont have a man to lean on and I dont trust many people and i cant see myself getting involved with anyone elese. I managed to gte out of the relationship a year ago but my life is still in danger an i have moved with my children. I have a protection order but I know he is looking for me. You will feel so much better when you have off loaded. evrything. Liife is to short to be carrying pain around with us. Really glad things have worked out for you and you have a beautiful daughter that your partner want to adopt thats very special. Best of luck and remember you are safe now and if he does find you he cant harm you. You are free of him.
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