A
female
age
36-40,
*atie-cola
writes:Hi, wonder if anyone could advise me on a recent relationship break-up. Me and my now ex bf had been dating for 2 years off and on. We had dated before that but ended things for a good year and both saw other people. When we got back together, we were never happy unless we were together and when we were apart we just argued. I have ended things in the heat of the moment so many times and thought it was right until he got down and asked for another chance to make things different. I know it has been silly of me, but i thought there must still be a spark for me to want to text him back and see him. Over the past month things got worse. We have argued so much about me always coming home from uni to see him, yet he has never been to see me there in the past 3 years. We dont go out on dates anymore or do anything. We always see each other at night and he always claims he is tired from working all day. I try to understand, but i think a relationship needs more and i like being active and do things.After all this i finally broke things off for good about 2 weeks ago. My ex at first kept texting me but i never replied. Then he said he hasnt slept or cant concentrate on work, so i thought i needed to speak to him to settle things, to make him understand, so he could get his life back on track. He has now been away for the past 5 days and i havent heard off him as i promised if he enjoyed his holiday with the lads we could talk when he got back. Now im worried that when he gets back he will want to talk and will get in touch straight away. I know it was silly of me to say, however, i didnt want to spoil his holiday. I do just want to ignore the texts and leave him to get over it in his own way, but he has been depressed in recent years and also claimed that he tried to kill himself (although i do not think this is true). Could anyone give me any advise on how to deal with the next step? I dont want him getting depressed and not concentrating on his life, but i also feel that if i text him im giving him hope of something that im trying to get over. Thanks
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (31 March 2010):
 It is just one of the man's pursuit techniques to act helpless , depressed and wanting to commit suicide.
This tactic makes you responsible for his health and you don't want to be responsible for anything untowards to happen to him.
Don't feel trapped by him. You are no more responsible for his actions.
If you reply his text, you will be giving him false hope.
Best is a clean break and it will heal faster.
A
female
reader, Myrrh +, writes (31 March 2010):
 If you are really sure this is it and you dont want to be with him anymore, its probably best to just leave things and not contact him anymore. It seems pointless to keep responding to him if you dont want to be with him. He knows by talking to you, you will get back together again. Its learned behaviour now. So if you dont want to be with him, let him go and end contact. He will be able to move on once he knows you really mean it this time.
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