A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm mid twenties, and I dated this girl for two and a half years and she loved me SO SO fiercely. We were pretty much joined at the hip, and I loved her, but she definitely loved me more than I did. Eventually this took a toll on her and we broke up. The catalyst was that she went on a trip with her friend and met some guys at a bar who invited her to an all expense trip to miami. This compounded with our relationship problems caused us to break up. She said she "wouldn't go and it's not like that" about the trip, but we got heated and broke it off.Later, she went on that vacation with her friend. Since then, she has been texting this guy ALL the time and she stays on facebook for hours talking to him. He lives 6+ hours away and is only 19 (she is 22, soon to be 23). He is very wealthy but he is immature. We had a great relationship, though she liked to party, she was always down to earth and a mature girl... I know it doesn't help that I MYSELF know that he is all sorts of wrong for her, but I feel like she has rebounded hard and put all her love for me into him. She's definitely infatuated with him, and the only thing I see going for him is that he is VERY wealthy (has a porshe 911, range rover). He's about to start college while she is about to finish. (Thing is, I'm not poor either... though I REAALY don't think money should be a factor.)I went to her house a few nights ago and I pressed the issue. I told her to tell me she didn't love me and to kiss me and tell me she didn't feel anything. She told me she was not "in love" with me and was generally very mean, I left her house and went home that morning. She called me shortly afterward to talk and then we went out and got lunch. We stayed at the restaurant well after we had eaten and talked about our weekend for a long while. We shared quite a few laughs and then I dropped her off at her place. We get along really really well, and she even mentioned that. Later that evening after I had already eaten, she called to ask if I wanted dinner. I said I'd already eaten and she seemed pretty bummed out.Today we grabbed dinner. We then did some errands and went to the library and hung out at a coffee house. She's totally treating me like a best friend, not a boyfriend. I know she's infatuated with this other guy and is invested in him. I got curious.I know I crossed a line and did something shady, but I was just too curious. I made a fake facebook account to friend this new guy my ex has been talking to for hours on facebook and been texting. I wanted to see his profile and see his pictures.The facebook profile I made had a moderately attractive girl as the photo so he would accept my friend request (less attractive than my ex...). Shortly after friending him, he starts chatting me up. Long story short, he starts hitting on my fake facebook account saying we should hang out and he will have champagne and grey goose and he will get a table at some hot club and he wants to be my dance partner. I know I just lead him on, but I really didn't even have to try, it was like shooting fish in a barrel.I have screenshots and have saved the whole conversation.Today, my ex and I hung out again and had a great time. We are good friends, but I really think she's got all her feelings invested in this guy. Should I show her what this guy is saying to a random girl he met on facebook?A part of me feels like I should just keep doing what I'm doing and try to win my girl back fairly. The other part of me feels like I could really sabotage this guy. Then again, if I reveal that I was being a creeper, that works against me as well. I know it's totally shady and I feel dirty doing it... but my intentions were just to see his profile!!Advice please!
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best friend, broke up, facebook, immature, money, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, xanthic +, writes (21 September 2010):
 While it may seem that way from your point of view, it definitely won't seem that way to her. Who she's dating is really her own business, even if you know for a fact the guy is a jerk. Trying to meddle will only reflect poorly on you.
Also, you may have to come to terms with being put into the friend zone anyway. You're not her boyfriend any more, and it wouldn't be fair to expect her to feel the same about you after breaking up. You can try to rekindle your relationship once she's single again, but there's no guarantee it'll work out.
A
male
reader, Arcturius +, writes (21 September 2010):
Delete the fake profile, and ditch this girl. She's using you, being her friend, or waiting for her to change, which are both the same thing for you is a waste of your time. She's already made her choices, time to make yours. You deserve better, move on, and NEVER talk to her again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, I will take your advice for now and not tell her. I won't see her for a couple days since I'm traveling to a med school interview. It seems like such a small hit (seeming like a creeper for a little while) for such a big gain though (stopping her new romance). I know it's too early to make any rash decisions. I'll keep you guys updated.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): You're in a tough situation but you have to let her go a bit. You have to let her find out what kind of guy this guy is because she will eventually.
She's on the rebound with this guy, and rebound by definition is the time when she'll figure out what her true feelings are for you, whether she loves you or not.
You can tell her that you don't trust the guy, that you don't think he's the kind of guys that will treat her right, but you cannot under any circumstances mention the facebook thing. He will shoot himself in the foot in that regard. If you tell her about the facebook thing things will get messy and she might lose respect for you. But if you feel she's getting to deep and stands to get very hurt then it might be worth telling her and showing her to protect her but you might lose her too. So you have to figure out whether it is in her best interests and yours to tell her.
Give it a bit of time and see how things develop. That's all you can do at the moment.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk... I guess I will be patient with her and just keep being her friend? I feel like I am getting put into the friend zone because she is constantly thinking about this guy. We have GREAT conversations and we talk about some pretty deep stuff. She used to kiss me alll the time and always want to hold my hand but now we barely touch. I am scared if I don't spring into action soon, all hope is lost in having her back. In one of our heated discussions after our break up I asked her if I was ever the love of her life. She said yes. Now she says she's not in love with me. How do I stay out of the friend zone? We have plans to hang out in the future - we have plans for working out and certain dinners we want to have... etc. etc.
I let her know I still love her with little gestures. She needed a book for her class but was unable to find it so while she was in class I went and found the last copy in a bookstore in town. I open doors for her and carry her stuff if it's heavy. I definitely am not being a door mat, I'm letting her know my feelings, but it doesn't seem to be working since she will hang out with me for a few hours then while she's alone she's on facebook chatting this guy until 3 in the morning even though she has class or work at 7.
I don't want to be support for her while she just left a relationship and is pursuing another guy. Especially a sleaze ball like that...
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (21 September 2010):
 Let her make her own choices. She is a grown woman and doesn't need you messing in her affairs, especially dirty crap like making a fake Facebook profile. The only thing that does is make you look bad and like a creep who can't let go.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (21 September 2010):
Don't tell her about the fake profile, it'll only make you look like an insecure stalker and she'll think less of you for it. Just let things play out between them, eventually she'll either find out or he'll move on to someone else.
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